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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to loose it with MIL next time?

128 replies

inspireme · 27/12/2011 16:02

So on Christmas day at my SIL's I started plating up DH's dinner, as all my sil's were doing for their DH's. My MIL went to grab the plate off me and said she''d do it, I said nicely, no it's ok you get yours, as she had already done PIL's, she said no I'll do it, once again I said it's ok u get your own as I had the plate in my hand and had already started it, so cue the too- ing and fro-ing of "I'll do it" "no it's ok you get your own and sit down" Etc.

So after a few of these i had to give in (as i knew it was gonna end in a row) and let her do it, I know its really trivial but it's typical of her not wanting to let go even though we're married with a DS.

The main reason I wanted to do it was the fact that she never makes vegetables for anyone as she doesn't like them and assumes everyone else doesn't too, when DH loves them so I knew he wouldn't get any.

She has also done this before regarding DS, one example is when Im about to feed him she insists on doing it to the point that I have to give in to avoid a row! (DS has reflux and is v hard to feed, and gets annoyed when other people do it)

AIBU to think that if u keep pushing people and insisting on doing things that they clearly don't want u to do they will eventually loose it??

So WIBU too loose it the next time she does this??

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 27/12/2011 22:34

I don't know how anyone is expected to know what someone else wants to eat. If you put it in bowls they can all help themselves.

Ephiny · 27/12/2011 22:35

I plate up the food when I cook as well, there's nothing wrong with that in itself. It's just quite bizarre to think of all the women scuttling about waiting on their respective husbands, and the wives/mothers fighting over the privilege of serving 'their' man!

I would have just let her do it if she wanted to! Why does it matter? Surely your status and self-esteem don't really depend on having the 'right' to serve your husband at the table? Especially if you have a life and a career of your own?

Please tell us the men did the clearing and washing-up afterwards!

exoticfruits · 27/12/2011 22:37

I hope they did do the washing up!

Original poster
inspireme · 27/12/2011 22:45

As I've said before DH was sorting out DS, getting him in high chair, bib on etc so I was putting his out.

Exoticfruits I like to think I know what food my DH likes after nearly 10 yrs so can't understand why you think I wouldn't know what he wants to eat.

Ephiny it's just that she thinks none of her daughters in law are good enough and no one can look after her boys like she can, so always tries to take over, once when I was pouring water for DH and I in her house, she said no he takes milk with his dinner, he was sitting at the table and he said no I want water, she actually tried to tell him what drink he wanted, like she knew better than him.

OP posts:
Original poster
inspireme · 27/12/2011 22:50

No they didn't wash up, myself and sil's done it, we shooed them out so we could have a gossip about mil catch up. Men looked after the kids!

OP posts:
runningwilde · 27/12/2011 23:19

Your mil does sound like a nightmare and I'm surprised you hasn't lost it with her before now!

HansieMom · 27/12/2011 23:34

Lose, loose. You have loose change in your pocket. Hope you don't lose it! I want to lose some weight. It will be great to see my clothes get looser. I asked my husband to spell one of these and he got it wrong. I think it is a losing battle!

aquashiv · 27/12/2011 23:37

I stopped at you plating your husbands dinner myself? Think there is a wee power struggle going on Op.

messalina · 27/12/2011 23:41

MIL sounds a bit annoying but your DH and BILs far more so. Do they all wear string vests too?

TuftyFinch · 27/12/2011 23:47

Are you part of an Amish community?

Original poster
inspireme · 27/12/2011 23:56

Melissalina what gives you that impression??

Tuftyfinch what's with the Amish reference, I don't know enough about them?

OP posts:
ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 28/12/2011 00:08

inspireme - sometimes you just have to know when to hide a thread, staying on it will only raise your blood pressure Grin Absolutely nothing wrong with plating your DH's food, nothing wrong with any of it - except your barking MIL who is clearly just jealous of your relationship with her DS. It's just so very MN to ask if it's the 1950's should you do anything for your DH!!

Amish don't use computers so I've no idea what mess is gabbing on about.

exoticfruits · 28/12/2011 07:53

Exoticfruits I like to think I know what food my DH likes after nearly 10 yrs so can't understand why you think I wouldn't know what he wants to eat.

I don't see how anyone would know what I wanted to eat on a particular day-however well they know me. I think it much better to help yourselves-how much I want depends on what I have been doing and mood.
Your DH seems very passive while women argue over whether he drinks water or milk. I would stay well out of it-what does it matter?!

Alouisee · 28/12/2011 08:00

"Plating up"? Can't think of anything worse than someone else deciding what was going on my plate or how much.

exoticfruits · 28/12/2011 08:08

I can't either Alouisee-my MIL used to do it and it always made me anxious-I used to have to get into the kitchen quick to make her take half of it off the plate! It isn't surprising to me that people are overweight if other people decide their portions. I always let them help themselves-including children.

SilentBoob · 28/12/2011 08:11

How about accepting MiL's offer of help and giving her a different job to do?

"Actually if you're looking for a job MiL would you mind getting the kids sippy cups from the kitchen for them? Thanks ever so"

JockTamsonsBairns · 28/12/2011 08:23

Even apart from all the plating up power struggle nonsense, couldn't your Dh have asked his mum for veg? Or doesn't she allow him any?

exoticfruits · 28/12/2011 08:30

I thought it was MIL kitchen, SilentBoob, and she was doing the work and not looking for a job. Best to keep well out of it. It looks pretty silly to squabble over who puts a man's dinner on his plate!

Animation · 28/12/2011 08:34

LET GO OF THE PLATE !!

LET....GO

Xmas Smile
Animation · 28/12/2011 08:34

...tell her

Omgomgomgomg · 28/12/2011 08:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SquidgyBiscuits · 28/12/2011 09:27

Sometimes you need to pick your battles. I'd suggest that who gets to put food on a plate for your DH probably shouldn't be one of them.

Was the food plated straight from the stove? If so there's no problem with that. If I cook a meal for me and DH then I plate it up. If the food is decanted into dishes then each person should get their own. DH knows me very well, but often I don't even know fully what I fancy to eat from a buffet until I'm there getting it, and I'd never ask him to choose something for me from a menu either.

Shutupanddrive · 28/12/2011 09:53

rainbowebrite 'you have to admit loose for lose is a big spelling error. I almost didn't click on your thread because it annoyed me'

There is one O between them! Easily done as OP is on iPhone with baby on her lap, ffs! Get a grip

Original poster
inspireme · 28/12/2011 12:16

Exotic it was sil kitchen.

No DH is one of 3 sons, I just happened to be standing beside her,middle son is the golden child- she will happily admit this btw!

To those of u commenting on 1950's etc, I'm not long up after a long lie in, awoke to baby fed and sleeping again, load of washing on, other load sorted, last nights dishes washed, kitchen floor brushed and washed, oh and a fry up and you'll never believe the next part HE PLATED IT !!!!!! Shock horror!!

OP posts:
Angel786 · 28/12/2011 13:28

Yanbu,I completely understand how frustrating it is. I think you should firmly say I'll do it, you did your husbands i'll do mine and keep hold of the plate next time.

My mil is v similar. She also constantly tries to position herself next to dh in photos and cuddles up to him while I'm left standing on the end. I think the person who mention Ed the power struggle was right, two matriarchs establishing their position. She needs to sit back and let you look after your family.

And no, I'm not a 50s throwback either!

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