"I can't eat too much Christmas lunch, I'm too full of pringles". WTAF?!!

[Flubba]

Okay, so custy clearly wins on the shit Christmas front, but I'd like to hear your crappy Christmas stories. It'd give me good cheer!

Mine was the line "I can't eat too much Chritsmas lunch, I'm too full of pringles " from my FIL after I'd been preparing and cooking all fecking morning and then some.

for the sake of those getting their Christmas knickers in a twist about this not being an AIBU , here goes...

clam I do agree with you, but also think that sometimes I would accept an acknowledgement from someone without insisting they use the magic word "sorry". Sometimes someone can say they're sorry without actually using the S word. That said, I am a wimp sometimes where other people would be firmer

No worries Clam, I was trying to say 'prepare scenarios' too but in a very long winded way.

Redwine - I think you're right too - I'd accept an acknowledgement without an actual 'sorry' but it would need to be an acknowledgement, not as clam says, just a 'let's forget all about this'.

I think you should hold out for an apology! I do understand that some people (eg my DH!!) genuinely find it harder to say others, but in this case she is so clearly in the wrong and it was such a horrible thing to do.

But... failing that I suppose I agree with moobee that a complete acknowledgement that it was her fault (with no ifs or buts or excuses) would be OK without the actual S word.

The only thing I would add to moobee's suggested wording is to make it personal. Say 'I am very hurt about this and I find it hard to understand why you wanted to upset me so much' not just 'your actions were hurtful'.

Ok - This Xmas day was my sons first birthday. Seeing as I spent last Xmas day having a huge melon dragged out of my lady area with the biggest pair of salad spoons you ever did see, I decided that this year, regardless of it being DS's birthday, we were having Xmas by ourselves and that we would throw a party on the 27th when everyone would be able to come.

Oh no, MIL insisted that his party had to be on his actual birthday. To keep the peace I relented and invited everyone for an afternoon buffet. I already knew that half my relatives wouldn't be able to make it - which then meant we would need to make several trips beforehand and after to see people.

MIL then kicked up a huge fuss saying she wanted to come for the whole day, rather than just the aftenoon, and that SIL and her fella were coming too and could we put them up for the night?

Again, reluctantly I agreed thinking that as they were travelling for over 100 miles I couldnt really expect them to come for just 3 or 4 hours...

Did all the shopping, arranged to see my mum on Xmas Eve, arranged to see my dad on boxing day....then a phone call, on 23rd of fucking December... "Oh. Not going to come now, it's too far and it is Xmas after all... Can you come here on the 27th instead...?"

GRRRRRRRRRRR. Am going to Denmark this coming Xmas to see my grandparents whether anyone else likes it or not.

Please excuse typos. Typing with false nails on is hard!

DId you say anything to her FLumpalot?

Megatron - I think you shouldn't cave yet. Let's see how this plays out - others are right when they say FIL has been enabling her behaviour, as has everyone else until now.

WHat does DH think now he's back?

Megaton don't you dare apologise!!!!!!
FFS she is an adult and unless she has a neurological disorder that physically prevents her from being sorry she has no excuse. At all.

Anyway as a proof she's manipulating you- if she really can't apologise face to face how about a. an answering machine message b. a text c. an email d. a letter e. a note handed by your FIL f. a bunch of flowers etc
The possibilities are endless.

She doesn't want to apologise because she doesn't want to lose. She's obviously realised that you and your DH have finally had enough and that's she gone too far so she's using her lovely husband to manipulate and shame you into submission.
Lovely woman.

megatroni have just read this thread and can't believe you mils behaviour. I can really understand you not wanting a rift etc but as everyone has said she is completely wrong and women like her get away with this type of behaviour because no one stands up to them.
Was just wondering if your DH had spoken to her and pointed out how rude she was and that she should apologise? In my experience with tricky PILs my DH never stands up to them.
Also,after 17 yrs,I finally stood up to my MIL with a well rehearsed "you really offended me by your comments......" to be told that I had totally misunderstood her.Sounds familiar?
Good luck.I really feel for you because, through no fault of your own, you are feeling guilty about this situation.Hold out.Be strong.She needs to apologise.

@ all the stories! Stay strong Megatron. x

She does not have a chip in her brain that will kill her if she says "sorry", not will she die if she takes one of the many many other options for expressing regret for her actions as described by anonacfr and others.

I might add:

g. Get a plane to write it in the sky
h. Train a squirrel to deliver a note
i. Telegram
j. Strippagram
k. Cake with "Sorry" written on top
l. Learn smeaphore
m. Make an e-card with dancing penguins on it

*semaphore

PMSL at the thought of Megatron's MIL sending her a stripper. He could have a 'sorry' note tucked in his thong.

I second the strippergram idea!!!! (Avoiding making poor puns about 'sorry' notes in thongs and "sorry seems to be the hardest word" songs...)

she could at least send a card, write a note, letter, email, text - anything! don't give in megatron!

Btw megatron you are taking on legendary status in my house and with my children and girlfriends even DH is asking how you are getting on (ironic in so many ways!).Your story has struck a huge cord amoungst all of us and we are all behind you.

The thing that gets me about Megatron's MIL, is that it was so deliberate. Around here, restaurants are usually fully booked for Xmas day, boxing day and new year's day at least 2-3 weeks beforehand. I can't see how she could have been able to eat out somewhere without booking it well in advance.

Megatron I'm another one saying hold out for the full apology.

Don't you dare young lady, Just Don't You Dare. She will have you over a barrel if you cave now!!

It's not that she can't apologise - it's that she wont. She is a grown woman, let her work it out for herself.

Simply say to your (lovely, poor poor FIL) that you are sorry, but you have been treat like this once too often and you are not giving in to her wheedling. She can see the Grandchildren anytime she likes, you are not stopping her - you have simply made her aware than an apology is long over due.

Back down now and your kids will see you being a doormat and think that's an acceptable way for people to treat you - and I know that's not what you want.

The pair of you need to sit tight and let the PIL work this out for themselves.

If you would be highly offended by a strip-o-gram, I could lower myself to take the apology for you and pass on the essence of it. All in a good cause of course.

Mega, please bear in mind that it is not you allowing this situation to continue and your FIL to be hurt, she is allowing the situation to continue and hurting her own dh. All she needs to do is apologise......

I'd love a cake or a squirrel . I await developments. I'm lurking and hoping!

Good grief Mega! Was your MIL ever on the stage? Of course its hard to apologise! If it was easy it wouldn't be worth anything. And at "its just my way" - then "her way" needs to change, doesn't it?

If the word "sorry" is too difficult she could say "I lied to you and to everyone and was incredibly unkind to you, I planned it in advance, I did it deliberately to spite you, and I shouldn't have, it was very very wrong, and I promise not to do anything like it ever again". 'Sorry' is easy, really.

I think you need to tell FIL that you're very happy to see him, and he's very welcome to come and visit, but he needs to stop talking about MIL and "the situation" and indeed, stop being the go-between. Tell him you don't want to damage your relationship with him and therefore he needs to stop discussing MIL.

You are not responsible for other people's happiness. You are not asking for the moon here, you are very reasonably asking to be reassured that MIL will stop treating you badly. MIL knows what she needs to do. You don't need to talk about it with anyone or do anything but wait.

RedWine - it isn't Megatron who is letting something interfere with MILs relationship with the children. MIL's behaviour has already done that. If she can treat her DIL like this now, she'll treat the children badly too, as they get older.

Mind you, LadyFlumpalot's MIL is vying for a close second place!

Oh LadyF I was wondering how you got on this Christmas (remember me we met at Baff meet up) Our DS's share the same birthday albeit mine was 6 this year!! I see it lived up to expectations

For anyone who's interested, there have been developments!

MIL appeared this morning and all is now well! She says she knows she was wrong, she doesn't know why she does these things and that she hopes I can forgive her. She then said she was sorry. She then went on to say how she knows she's been crappy to me over the last couple of years and that she should have been there more for me when I lost my parents (she was totally unsupportive) and that she hopes we can make a fresh start. It was quite emotional as it obviously killed her to do it but she did and I'm so relieved. She is a tricky character and I suspect always will be but it took a lot for her to say what she did and I am more than happy to start again. God what a bloody relief!!!! DH says he was enjoying the peace but I can tell he's glad too.

Thanks to all here for your encouragement (in a totally non mumsnet way!) I would definitely have phoned her and the cycle would have continued if your comments hadn't made me see sense.

Oh and Flump, your tale is horrendous!!!

mega Hope it all works out for you with MIL. It s true that people only behave how they're allowed to.

That's a brilliant ending Meg.

Well done you for standing up to her, and well done her for apologising properly.

How are you feeling?