About DD and nuts - AIBU and PFB?

[ZonkedOut]

DD1 is 2.7 and had so far not been given whole nuts because the current guidelines say not to give nuts to children until they are 5.

My PIL are staying for Christmas, and FIL specifically asked for nuts, so we have a bowl and nutcracker on the coffee table. DD has been picking up the nutcracker and pretending to crack nuts, but can't actually do it herself.

So, I go up and have a shower, to come back and find DH saying, "I couldn't remember if she was supposed to have nuts or not, so I let her have some because she enjoyed cracking them. I did watch her carefully." He helped her crack them, left alone, she would just have played and pretended to.

I realise I might be being a little PFB about it, and I will probably get tons of replies saying, "we gave our DCs nuts and they were ok", but AIBU to think that if DH couldn't remember if she should have nuts or not, he should have checked first, not just given them to her because she enjoyed cracking them?

Also, AIBU to continue not giving her whole nuts, even if closely supervised, because having read up some more about it, it is still considered a risk, because until about 4 they haven't developed the grinding action to safely eat nuts, and if a child does choke, a fragment of nut in the lungs can cause a serious lung infection?

Well I have a nut-allergic child, so my answer is that YADNBU. I'd have a good chat with your DH, make sure he understands that this is something you have definite views on, and agree together when you will next try your DD on nuts - the slightly paranoid but sensible thing might be to try her on nuts when waiting to see a doctor. Also bear in mind that dc can be fine with some types of nuts, and really not with others - so the fac tthat she's been okay on this occasion does not mean that she is not going t obe allergic to others. Maybe I'm a bit PFB too, but having an allergic child will do that to you!

But he's her father, right? So maybe he felt it was OK for her to have them and let her because he's her parent too?

DS1 is (almost) 2.5 years old and has had a couple of different kinds of nut. We trust him to know how to chew by now.

Why are nuts specifically a danger?

Because a) nuts are a powerful allergen to some dc, and b) until a certain age (not sure as my dc don't eat them) they could choke on whole nuts - same with whole grapes.

Apart from the allergy thing, obviously. But surely that would have shown itself already because of all the nuts in products nowadays?

DD2 is 18 mo and has just been found eating a box of Ferrero Rocher chocolates, whole hazelnuts and all. No issues because she knows to chew and has nuts before. As for the choking risk, as long as she is supervised by a sensible adult e.g. her father she should be fine.

Really? 5? Opps. Although I don't just hand my 2.6 year old whole nuts but he does eat them in sweets and things. And he eats peanut butter.

My mum made my 6 month old a nut roast and said she just didn't think even though her youngest wasn't allowed nuts till he was about 9 but all was well and nothing happened so I got over it

It's the choking thing, not so much the allergy risk.

It's because as I said earlier, children don't fully develop the grinding action to eat nuts properly until around 4. And if they do choke, even if an adult is there, fragments of nuts can lodge in the lungs and cause serious lung infections.

And yes, he is her father, but was aware there was an issue with nuts, but didn't confirm it was ok first, just assumed it would be. I don't have a problem talking about things and making joint decisions about our DDs, it's not like I am or want to be the only one making the decisions. I was just a bit bothered that he just assumed it was fine by her age without checking.

Could he not have crushed the nuts?

I started letting mine have whole nuts about that age, at least the softer ones (cashews, walnuts & pecans). They are very easy to chew & I would only give them under supervision. DC4 is nearly 4yo & I wouldn't hesitate to let him have most nuts. (Actually I'd be ruddy delighted he's so fussy, eating any new foods would be great!)

I thought it was no whole nuts under 3yo, and it's a bit like all the other "Not for under 3s"; a lot of it is okay under 3yo for most tots, those unlikely to eat their toys/eat without chewing. Some children are nearly 3yo before they get their back molars I suppose.

I think you are being too controlling of your DH, with "he should have checked first".

Remember, a person can choke to death on anything. Any shard of food in the lungs is dodgy. Nuts are not that special, I'd be more afraid of hard sweets at this age.

So yeah, I think a little pfb in expecting to get to 5yo without ever eating whole nuts.

I think it's a tad PFB, but can understand it in a way. I can't remember what age my older three first ate nuts, but two of them hate them anyway apart from pistachios. DD3 is 2.10 and has been eating nuts since she was about 12/13 months. We lived in Spain, nuts in just about anything and everything, she loves them to the point that I have to hide them.

I think he has to be allowed to make decisions too, it sounds like he thought it through.

Weird. My DS is very capable of eating whole nuts at age 3, he grinds them fine. Maybe your husband used his intuition and common senseand decided it was ok under supervision?

"Could he not have crushed the nuts?"

What, so she could inhale them more easily?

I thought it was about choking, not inhaling. I just bite them in half for DS, is this wrong?

My dd (just three) loves pistachios and has for a while. It keeps her busy for ages, cracking them open and eating them. So I think you are being a bit u.

I think you are being perfectly reasonable. There is only one guideline left at that age, so it is hardly difficult to follow it. Closely supervising doesn't make any difference as once a child is choking you can do all of the back slaps but there is a real risk that you won't be able to dislodge the object. Since your DH knew that there was some sort of issue, but didn't know what it was I think he was acting strangely not to either ask or decide not to crack the nuts. I don't think I would have been keen on her playing with uncracked nuts either though.

We were brought some nuts yesterday, but I didn't put them out as I couldn't guarantee that no one would leave them in DD's reach while we were preparing food and not personally supervising her/the nuts.

i was just being a bit of a smart arse- this seems pfb in the extreme! i can't wht nuts are a special case.

I think the until 5 thing is because of choking. Nuts not in whole form are fine from a year old, allergies aside obviously.

Were they particularly large nuts? Did he stay with her whilst she was eating? Was she sat/stood still rather than running about?

The think is children can choke on lots of things - whole cherry tomatoes and whole grapes are particularly risky. But if the nuts were cut in half, like grapes and cherry tomatoes shoudl be, I can't see an issue at all.

Just remind him that he needs to cut them into smaller bits for her in future...tha';s all.

YABU

Weird weird weird and totally OTT PFB. Is this a recent thing - this obsessive adherence to so called 'guidelines' etc and can someone tell me how the human race has survived - nay flourished - thus far?