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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About DD and nuts - AIBU and PFB?

84 replies

ZonkedOut · 26/12/2011 10:51

DD1 is 2.7 and had so far not been given whole nuts because the current guidelines say not to give nuts to children until they are 5.

My PIL are staying for Christmas, and FIL specifically asked for nuts, so we have a bowl and nutcracker on the coffee table. DD has been picking up the nutcracker and pretending to crack nuts, but can't actually do it herself.

So, I go up and have a shower, to come back and find DH saying, "I couldn't remember if she was supposed to have nuts or not, so I let her have some because she enjoyed cracking them. I did watch her carefully." He helped her crack them, left alone, she would just have played and pretended to.

I realise I might be being a little PFB about it, and I will probably get tons of replies saying, "we gave our DCs nuts and they were ok", but AIBU to think that if DH couldn't remember if she should have nuts or not, he should have checked first, not just given them to her because she enjoyed cracking them?

Also, AIBU to continue not giving her whole nuts, even if closely supervised, because having read up some more about it, it is still considered a risk, because until about 4 they haven't developed the grinding action to safely eat nuts, and if a child does choke, a fragment of nut in the lungs can cause a serious lung infection?

OP posts:

FredFredGeorge · 26/12/2011 14:09

The advice is WHOLE nuts so YABU as you're basing your reasoning on incorrect advice.

helpmabob · 26/12/2011 14:13

The advice is changing gradually anyway as medical studies show countries that do not abstein from nuts have fewer nut allergies, so the whole thing is an absolute crock.

The choking neuroses I understand as I always got het up about grapes and sausages being cut up vertically as it is the round shape that causes the worst choking incidences.

breatheslowly · 26/12/2011 15:17

ClutchingAtMyPearls - the whole human race has survived, but some individual children haven't. I don't think I would feel much consoled if my child choked knowing that most other children hadn't. I only have the one and her survival matters enough to me to follow the one food safety guideline that exists for that age group.

WaftyCrank · 26/12/2011 15:39

YANBU

My DDad was a children's nurse and we weren't allowed any nuts until we were 11 i.e we could buy them ourselves as he was terrified of us choking from seeing children in hospital that had choked. We were allowed pieces of nuts in say a snickers or crunchy peanut butter.

I have 3 DC and my eldest is 4 and has never had whole nuts. People do think I'm PFB especially as I also still cut his grapes and cherry tomatoes in half and they're not allowed lollipops but I don't care. I know many children have them from 2/3/4 etc and they haven't choked but I don't want my DC to be the one that does.
I would be very annoyed if DH gave any of our DC whole nuts especially at that age.

pantomimecow · 26/12/2011 15:54

A few years ago I had to do the Heimlich manoevre on a 50 yr old colleague who I discovered blue and choking on a piece of pasta salad.It was very very scary, but what are we to say-pasta is too much of a choking risk to adults and should be banned?

whackamole · 26/12/2011 18:14

I think sometimes you have to allow your DH to be a parent as well. If you are not happy about it, say you would rather DD doesn't have them but don't lecture him about it. If he had remembered but disagreed with you what would be the verdict?

Any BTW, YABU and also OTT and PFB. If there are no allergies most things that aren't sludge can be a choking risk.

Original poster

ZonkedOut · 26/12/2011 18:15

FredFredGeorge I am talking about whole nuts, from the shell. Hazelnuts, Brazil nuts, walnuts and almonds were in the bowl, I'm not sure exactly which ones she had.

I know I am a little paranoid about choking, partly because she almost choked on a piece of toast at under a year, luckily I knew what to do and managed to do it even while I was panicking inside, and it came out after a couple of slaps on the back. But I can still well remember that panicky feeling seeing your child not able to breathe.

And I don't think I've been controlling - part of my problem with it all is that it was something we had discussed and agreed upon, a while ago, he just forgot the age it applied to, so decided it would be ok anyway.

OP posts:

RomanChristingle · 26/12/2011 21:00

YANBU. The no nuts for under 5s advice is based upon the average childs ability to chew them and choking incidence. Of course over 5's (and adults) can still choke on nuts but it is far, far rarer.

devonshiredumpling · 26/12/2011 22:57

you are better to let your lo have the nuts supervised rather than finding your lo in the cupboard taking matters in their own hands .it is better that they learn with you around than not anyway i have never seen nut residue in my daughters nappy (she is two and a half) but sweetcorn like you would never believe!!!

catchafallingstar · 27/12/2011 00:07

oh dear...mine are almost 6 and 4 and still not had any nuts.....

Although sil does have A LOT of allergies and hoping they dont so haven't actually got round to it yet....
Wont even give them sweets with nuts in them or nutella.....

Mad aren't I?

pantomimecow · 27/12/2011 11:24

'YANBU. The no nuts for under 5s advice is based upon the average childs ability to chew them and choking incidence'
i'll bet its not based on the average child, but the worst 1% or something for thae age group

lljkk · 27/12/2011 11:30

Sometimes we allow the rules to change ad hoc. I am not surprised he decided to just go with his instincts at the time, if we went by what we "discussed and agreed a while ago" for every decision, we'd have to carry around thick parenting rule books to consult at every turn (and be paralysed by, too).

If you still don't want her to have whole nuts for a few more years, fine, then just discuss & agree. But not worth worrying about what's done (& obviously no harm done).

namechangerbat · 27/12/2011 11:31

I think you're being a tad OTT and very PFB.

Does your DH not have the ability to make decisions as a parent to his child too?

Guidelines are just that.

exoticfruits · 27/12/2011 11:40

it's about whether the OPs DH should have given their DD whole nuts when previously she hadn't been allowed them.

I don't understand why OP seems to be senior parent and she has to tell DH what to do. IMO they are equal parents, DH decided to try her on nuts, she liked them and she wasn't allergic.
Does OP ask her DH every single time she tries something? I bet this is one of those unequal things where OP does what she likes and DH has to ask her permission.
Now that she isn't allergic she can carry on-she is just as likely to choke on lots of other things.

exoticfruits · 27/12/2011 11:44

It seems hugely common that 2 people have a DC and no experience and within days the woman is the 'expert' and the man has to fall in, he can only follow guidelines, or common sense, if they happen to fit in with the mother!!
The mother also thinks that she can control everyone who comes into contact-I think that it is quite likely that your DC will be offered nuts before they are 5yrs.

4madboys · 27/12/2011 11:56

i think as long as she was supervised then its fine that she had nuts, the allergy thing is for under ones?

i guess he could maybe have chopped them in half?

RomanChristingle · 27/12/2011 13:58

Well I know that the advice on toys with small parts not being suitable for under 3's is based on the fact that choking incidents on toys drop massively once a child hits 3.
Choking incidents also drop when a child has all their teeth.

foreverondiet · 27/12/2011 14:03

I don't let my 21 month old DS2 eat peanuts (he loves peanut butter though) but I do let him eat the softer nuts like cashews. I think you were being a little PFB providing there was an adult there supervising.

FutureNannyOgg · 27/12/2011 14:07

Not PFB or recent. I remember not being allowed nuts in case I choked, I'm the wrong side of 30.
Nuts are hard and easy to get stuck in the throat, lots of toddlers don't have molars to chew them down or if they do, the co-ordination to do so reliably. I wouldn't have a huge go at DH, just ask him not to give them in future, and to check if he's not sure about stuff.

SolidGoldStockingFilla · 27/12/2011 14:09

You are being PFB. She ate them and didn't die. There is (presumably) no history of nut allergies in the family. Don't fret about it too much - while we are being (more and more these days) culturally conditioned to obey guidelines, many of them are bullshit/extremely over-cautious/actually driven by commercial interests anyway.

Sparklingbaubles · 27/12/2011 14:12

Mine are 9 and 12 and still don't eat nuts. No allergies but it must have stemmed from me not letting PFB have any at all when he was little.

They won't even try them and DS1 told someone he was allergic. What have I done to them?

seeker · 27/12/2011 14:17

" I wouldn't have a huge go at DH, just ask him not to give them in future, and to check if he's not sure about stuff."

What-check with the Alpha Parent?

exoticfruits · 27/12/2011 14:23

The Alpha parent always makes me laugh!!

exoticfruits · 27/12/2011 14:25

A lot of women appear to treat DH as an extra DC. Do you check every little thing and get permission from DH? Unless you do, I fail to see why he should ask your permission first.

blackeyedsanta · 27/12/2011 14:28

IF YOU DON'T KNOW, ASK!!!!!!

yanbu. can you tell I have had to say this a few times?

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