About DD and nuts - AIBU and PFB?

[ZonkedOut]

DD1 is 2.7 and had so far not been given whole nuts because the current guidelines say not to give nuts to children until they are 5.

My PIL are staying for Christmas, and FIL specifically asked for nuts, so we have a bowl and nutcracker on the coffee table. DD has been picking up the nutcracker and pretending to crack nuts, but can't actually do it herself.

So, I go up and have a shower, to come back and find DH saying, "I couldn't remember if she was supposed to have nuts or not, so I let her have some because she enjoyed cracking them. I did watch her carefully." He helped her crack them, left alone, she would just have played and pretended to.

I realise I might be being a little PFB about it, and I will probably get tons of replies saying, "we gave our DCs nuts and they were ok", but AIBU to think that if DH couldn't remember if she should have nuts or not, he should have checked first, not just given them to her because she enjoyed cracking them?

Also, AIBU to continue not giving her whole nuts, even if closely supervised, because having read up some more about it, it is still considered a risk, because until about 4 they haven't developed the grinding action to safely eat nuts, and if a child does choke, a fragment of nut in the lungs can cause a serious lung infection?

Why do I always seem to be a million years behind these 'guidelines'?!!! Aarrgh! DD 2.3 is a nut addict (a favourite being the chilli coated peanuts!).

Also, I 'get' the DP 'checking' thing...DH has to confirm lots of things with me - but not on my insistence. I think he thinks I have more common sense when it comes to kiddie stuff, plus I'm with them all the time, so I guess I'm more practised even though I'm winging it as much as him! I'm more for him making judgement calls. If your is like my DH, then it's good that he made a decision for himself :D

Oh god that sounded very patronising towards your DH...sorry, not meant to be. I just projected my DH thing onto yours there.

There is a difference between knowing the guidelines and making an informed decision to ignore them and not knowing them.

Op's DH didnt know what he was ignoring....good job for him it wasn't anything too serious...

I think that OP had common sense and he wouldn't have endangered his own DC!! He doesn't need 'superior parent' checking on him!

Thanks entropyglitter for getting it... Lots of people havent, and some of the reading between the lines here has been far off....

I didn't argue about it or shout at him, I just reminded him what the guidelines say.

I am not controlling, I don't expect to make all the decisions, I don't expect him to check everything with me. But if we make a decision together, based on NHS guidelines (which presumably are there for a reason) then I don't think it's unreasonable to expect him to either remember it, or to double check first. Not to say he couldn't remember so gave them to her anyway!

And I know they are just guidelines, but I personally tend to err on the side of safety where my DC are concerned. That's partly why I started this thread, too, to get an idea what other people think. Though I suspect if it had been cola, more people would be on my side.

Then he did it again in front of me last night. DD1 picked up the nutcracker and was pretending to crack nuts. So he helped her crack a hazelnut, took it out of the shell and gave it to her whole. So no, not crushed like someone assumed. I didn't want to make a fuss, especially in light of comments here, so didn't say anything.

I wouldn't give a 2 year old a whole hazelnut, that is a little foolish imo. But then I would cut grapes for a 2 year old too.

Didn't the guidelines change again though, when I was pregnant with dd1 it was a definate no no, as I have asthma and history of allergies (not nuts), no nuts when pregnant not nuts till she was 5 I think and I stuck to this till she was 3 and a friend gave her crunchy nut for her breakfast so I thought well surely an allergy would have presented by this time, the amount of food that contain traces of nuts etc. Dd2 came along and Peanut butter was on the list for first year foods only to avoid if confirmed nut allergy in family, so dd2 has had nuts since she could eat them safely.

I have to admit i was furious with friend for giving dd1 nuts but looking back I was being very pfb.

neverever, the guidelines have changed with respect to allergies but not with respect to choking hazards. This was not about allergies.

When I was pregnant with DCs 14 and 16 there were no guidelines about eating peanuts when pregnant and peanut butter on toast was my craving both times. Then soon after the guidelines changed about eating nuts in pregnancy because I worried about how much I had eaten, also DH is allergic to nuts.
DS didn't have a problem with nuts until he was nearly 5 then one weekend had a reaction to seseme then two days later pecan. After that couldn't eat tree nuts and peanuts and seeds.
He grew out of peanuts by the age of 12 and eats them with no problems but still can't eat treenuts or seeds (also hayfever and plasters)

DD has no allegies whatsoever, not even hayfever (touch wood)

The guidelines changed again about pregnant women eating nuts changed again and the eat study is looking at introducing peanuts from 3 months as since the guidelines for weaning guidelines have changed to 6 months allergies have continued to rise.