FIL

[LoopyLoopsWoopDeWoops]

Sorry, another in-law one.

Family in law came to visit yesterday. FIL had a cold, and was grumpy. Upset my mum and my sister (refused to move seats so that my mum could sit on the same table as everyone else in the pub, shouted at my sister when she asked him to move)... but my AIBU is this:

AIBU to have words with him over the following?:

We have a very vicious cat. Everyone knows to keep away from her, in fact it had been a point of conversation a few minutes before this episode. FIL hates the fact that he can't win the cat over, and tends to wind her up.

He was playing with DD and a ball, hiding it for her to find it. He made it disappear, and wanted DD (2.5) to find it. She looked and looked and lost enthusiasm, he kept bringing her back to the game, keen for her to find it. Eventually he showed her where he had hidden it. It was under the cat. So he wanted her to disturb a cat that she knew would attack her (often quite badly). I just don't get it. Why would he do that? To his 2 year old granddaughter? Should I/DH bring it up or forget it?

I wouldn't bring it up with your FIL as it's your responsibility to choose to keep a vicious cat and chose not to put it out when you have visitors. If you had made different choices, simple ones as thinking, "this cat is vicious and I have visitors I'll put him out" then it wouldn't have been an issue.

I'd learn from it and make better choices in future.

I'll just not ask them over again. Other visitors can deal with keeping away from the cat.

IME most cats get used to a cat run very quickly

As more and more councils introduce cat curfews there's a greater push towards catteries and cat runs. Most people find that cats very quickly adapt and it's a win/win for the cats health as well as native animals survival rates. With the introduction of cat runs the incidence of cat flu has decreased.

I agree with you Loopy that the problem is with your FIL's intentions moreso that the cat's temperamental peccadilloes

Cat curfews?

Its not just a case of expecting the child to stay away from the cat. The op probably watches her child. You know, keeps an eye to stop it happening. IMO a non vicious cat poses as much risk. All animals get pissed off. I have a lovely placid cat and I don't let DS man handle him. Common sense.

If the cat was fluffy and stretched out you could easily hide a small sponge ball or whatever under the fur. He sounds like an idiot. But probably wasn't thinking maliciously.

However you don't know that the cat would die if rehoused do you? It's not only scratches and bites I'd be worried about....it's also toxoplasmosis. I had this and lived in fear of having cancer as two nodes grew on my neck, was avery unpleasant few months of biopsies and waiting for results to find it was due my ex boss's nasty cat who jumped on me during a visit to her home and rammed her shit riddled claws into my arm and hung on growling and biting while my boss sympathetically explained that the cat had been abused and needed loving care as I tried to shake it off my arm repeatedly. It was the only cat I'd been in contact with since I was a child, and I don't eat meat so there was no other exanation really.

Why not rehouse with your FIL then he can really try and bond with the cat...we wouldn't be having the same conversation if it was a pet snake or bull mastiff would we???

Add message | Report | Message poster LoopyLoopsWoopDeWoops Mon 26-Dec-11 13:15:51
Cat curfews?

Many areas of Australia have cat curfews where cats aren't allowed to roam outside b/w sunset and sunrise www.maroondah.vic.gov.au/169.aspx

Some areas have a complete ban on outside cats.

Working can I assume you are in Australia not the UK, I've googled cat curfews and that is the only place I can see talking about introducing them.

Xposted Working

"refused to move seats so that my mum could sit on the same table as everyone else in the pub"

Where would FIL have moved to? Would that mean he wouldn't have been on the same table as everyone else? Why should FIL have moved and no-one else? Confused with this.

Yes I'm in Australia. I wasn't suggesting you have a cat curfew, but rather since the introduction of curfews most people have found that cats quickly get used to cat enclosures. I suggested a cat enclosure as a means for the OP to keep her Dd and the cat both safe from each other and the FIL's stupidity

Fil was next to the corner seat, corner seat inaccessible unless he moved along. He refused (until MIL told him to move).

working it would certainly seem like a very sensible solution, it would mean the cats future would be secured as would the child's safety.

Ah. He is a doofus isn't he. Silly man.

The child is fine. She keeps away from the cat. The cat keeps away from her. I just don't want her encouraged to disturb the cat.

I don't understand. Where did the "attack her (often quite badly)" bit come from if there is no problem with your daughter staying away from the cat? Why would you not keep the cat away from people as opposed to expecting everyone to stay out of its way? Unless of course it's not as bad as you initially made out and you were really trying to emphasise your fil's irresponsible behaviour by making what he did seem more dangerous? 



don't know what that is at the end of my post!

It doesn't fit does it Fork the OP is either totally irresponsible in putting the needs of her cat before the safety of her child or your latter interpretation may be right.

As explained above, DH and I have been quite badly attacked before, mostly when trying to flea her or get her in cat box. DD doesn't have cause to get her that wound up, but has been scratched a few times.

But you said he knew the cat would attack her, that still doesn't fit. There's a big difference to most people between a cat attacking her as it is very vicious according to you, and getting a scratch.

If she were to reach under the cat to look for a ball, it is likely that the cat would lash out. A 2 year old searching for a ball is likely to involve some rummaging, which I don't think the cat would take kindly to. Being near the cat doesn't pose a problem, but poking and prodding it would. She didn't do that, as she knows to keep away from the cat, but FIL was encouraging her to.

Why would anyone keep a cat who thinks nothing of scratching their child 'a few times'? Yet again the lunacy of some posters on here astounds me

The cat is part of the family. She is a real, living creature. Are you suggesting that avoiding a child getting scratched is paramount to a cat's life? If so, that is lunacy, IMO.
If we were talking about a large dog with form for mauling, I might think a bit differently. It's a cat. She can hurt, but if left alone is fine, and at worst a few scratches does not add up to being get-rid-of-able. Surely?

What would you suggest I do with the cat? Where would she be rehomed? The same would happen elsewhere and she would end up being abandoned or killed. We can all put up with a few scratches from a temperamental cat to avoid that situation.

I hope you don't have pets. I hate those people hat see them as temporary commodities to be rejected when something better comes along.

Why is a cat capable of doing harm enough you warn visitors to stay away from it any different from a dog who is the same?

My parents had a dog when I was born, it tried to go for me once so they got it rehomed as to them it wasn't worth the risk of what may be.

A dog could kill. A cat can cause some scratches, maybe a bite. Never heard of a toddler being killed or even seriously injured by a cross cat.