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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

FIL

122 replies

LoopyLoopsWoopDeWoops · 25/12/2011 22:18

Sorry, another in-law one.

Family in law came to visit yesterday. FIL had a cold, and was grumpy. Upset my mum and my sister (refused to move seats so that my mum could sit on the same table as everyone else in the pub, shouted at my sister when she asked him to move)... but my AIBU is this:

AIBU to have words with him over the following?:

We have a very vicious cat. Everyone knows to keep away from her, in fact it had been a point of conversation a few minutes before this episode. FIL hates the fact that he can't win the cat over, and tends to wind her up.

He was playing with DD and a ball, hiding it for her to find it. He made it disappear, and wanted DD (2.5) to find it. She looked and looked and lost enthusiasm, he kept bringing her back to the game, keen for her to find it. Eventually he showed her where he had hidden it. It was under the cat. So he wanted her to disturb a cat that she knew would attack her (often quite badly). I just don't get it. Why would he do that? To his 2 year old granddaughter? Should I/DH bring it up or forget it?

OP posts:
Iggly · 26/12/2011 11:43

mummytobe I appreciate te OP shouldn't rehome a cat on a whim - it was the comment about tip toeing around the cat (or something) that Confused me. My DS is taught to respect animals but I wouldn't put up with a bad tempered cat/dog/lizard whatever - in the same way you don't put up with a bad tempered child.

KeepInMindItsChristmas · 26/12/2011 11:54

Your FIL is an idiot
also you should get rid of the cat

Original poster
LoopyLoopsWoopDeWoops · 26/12/2011 12:06

Absolutely no idea how he got the ball under the cat. I was in the room, the cat was asleep throughout, but I didn't see him hide it. It was like he had done a magic trick - was sowing off the the audience that no-one knew where the ball was, and was encouraging DD to find it. For no-one to have seen, he must have deliberately put it there somehow. She (cat) was asleep, so he must have simply been lucky and not woken her. If I had known where it was I would have said not to disturb the cat (for his own sake, putting it there, as well as for DD's, retrieving it).
The cat will not be rehomed. Many people have said we should, but it will not be happening. We love the cat, and if treated with respect she is fine. Not a good idea to wind her up though, which all family members know and guests are told on meeting her.

OP posts:
sitandnatter · 26/12/2011 12:21

I am a cat lover but if I had a "very vicious cat" and a two and a half year old, the cat would have to go.

Original poster
LoopyLoopsWoopDeWoops · 26/12/2011 12:23

And what woul you do with the cat? Have it killed?

OP posts:
Iggly · 26/12/2011 12:31

So when your toddler kicks off and has a tantrum, will you address the behaviour or just tell yourself "as long as she's treated with respect she's fine"? I really don't get why such behaviour is put up with from an animal.

santac · 26/12/2011 12:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sirzy · 26/12/2011 12:34

I am intrigued how you expect a toddler to understand to respect the cat!?

Nothing you have said suggests it's not a dangerous combination!

Original poster
LoopyLoopsWoopDeWoops · 26/12/2011 12:34

Iggly When my toddler has a tantrum I won't consider getting rid of her. Hmm Stupid logic.

OP posts:
sitandnatter · 26/12/2011 12:36

Not really the question I'd be asking, the one I'd be asking is what if the cat seriously hurt my child, clawed her eyes or similar and I knew it was likely as the cat was known to the family as vicious, how would I live with myself.

I also question the sense of having a very vicious cat and not putting it out when I had a houseful of guests. The FIL was an idiot fwiw.

It would probably break my heart but I'd have to have the cat put on the waiting list for the RSPCA or Cats Protection to take it in for rehoming.

sitandnatter · 26/12/2011 12:36

I assume you can train your toddler, can you train the cat?

WorkingClassMum · 26/12/2011 12:38

But the cat isn't the issue here - the cat hasn't attack the DD in this instance, but rather the FIL tired to cause a situation that placed the child at risk. The child and cat are happily cohabiting the same address without a problem. The cat has the propensity to sctptatch when annoyed, but isn't stalking and attacking the child

On the other hand, the FIL wasn't simply neglectful but was intentionally setting about provoking both the cat and the child and probably his DIL and son.

OP get your DH to speak to his father and point out that at best his actions were at best juvenile and at worst potentially serious had the cat reacted as he intended and your DD could have been quite seriously hurt.

Iggly · 26/12/2011 12:41

I was being a bit flippant - I just don't get why it's ok for cats to act that way as long as you accept that's it is a bit more aggressive than most. Of course you wouldn't get rid of her but you'd do something, not tread carefully around your DD.

Original poster
LoopyLoopsWoopDeWoops · 26/12/2011 12:42

I don't think eye-clawing is very likely.

OP posts:
Original poster
LoopyLoopsWoopDeWoops · 26/12/2011 12:42

Do what though? How do you discipline a cat?

OP posts:
sitandnatter · 26/12/2011 12:47

That is the point, you cant train cats, you don't think eye clawing is very likely but you also said this So he wanted her to disturb a cat that she knew would attack her (often quite badly). I just don't get it

And you're keeping this cat because..................??

Original poster
LoopyLoopsWoopDeWoops · 26/12/2011 12:50

Because she is our cat. We've had her for years, and neither of us agree with getting rid of animals because they become inconvenient. She is a pain, it is distressing, but the possibility of her scratching the kids is not as bad as the possibility of her being killed.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 26/12/2011 12:53

An animal posing a serious risk to your child is more than just the animal being an inconvenience IMO.

ImperialBlether · 26/12/2011 12:56

I'm pretty unsentimental about animals that hurt people. I'd have it rehomed or yes, put down, if I thought it would harm my child.

sitandnatter · 26/12/2011 12:58

Rather than bring up why your FIL would hide a ball under a very vicious cat you choose to keep when it has attacked your toddler, why don't you just put the cat out next time?

RedHelenB · 26/12/2011 12:58

To expect a 2 year old to keep away from the cat is ridiculous imo. No way would I take that risk & I love cats. Don't really think your FIL wanted her to be seriously maimed though? But if that was a possibility then you have facilitated it by keeping a dangerous pet. What if the cat had gone to sleep on top of one of her toys, she wanted it, Pulled at it & it lashed out?

Original poster
LoopyLoopsWoopDeWoops · 26/12/2011 13:00

You would have a cat put down for being vicious? Hmm

OP posts:
WorkingClassMum · 26/12/2011 13:00

Wny do so many posters want to punish the cat for the FIL's actions?

The cat can't too aggressive if the FIL was able to hide a small ball under it without losing an eye or several pints of blood

OP maybe it's time to put the cat into a cat run or cattery to keep her safe from your FIL and also away from your DD

sitandnatter · 26/12/2011 13:03

Working no one wants to punish the cat for the FIL's actions. People are suggesting that the child's safety is more important than keeping the cat if what the OP says is true and that the cat is very vicious and has already attacked the child without any encouragement from the FIL.

If the family have to be told how to avoid the cat to avoid being attacked there's somethimg badly wrong with the cat's behaviour.

Original poster
LoopyLoopsWoopDeWoops · 26/12/2011 13:05

A cat run to keep her away from DD permanently? She would hate that.

Things are fine as it is, DD doesn't go near her. FIL was only here for an hour or so. The cat isn't going anywhere, my question was whether to bring it up with FIL. I won't, unless something similar occurs again.

OP posts: