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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry at MIL for letting herself into our house?

121 replies

mimimomma · 23/12/2011 13:12

My PIL live about a mile to us and have a key to our home, which in my opinion is for emergencies. We were heading out last night at 7 and MIL was kindly going to babysit. At 6 my husband and I were in the kitchen and heard a key being turned in the front door, and there was MIL saying 'I brought my own keys'. I was fuming, gave her the flared nostrils and said 'you should have knocked, we could have been doing anything!'. I had to scarper upstairs in order to cool down about this, and am still really cross that she thought it was ok just to open our front door without knocking or ringing the doorbell, and we were clearly at home.

She has in the past let herself in to our house whilst we've been away on hols and done some of our washing and ironing without asking, and of course I know that she's only being kind then, but have felt uncomfortable about this too. Although haven't mentioned it.

Am I way over protective about my personal space?

OP posts:
mummylin2495 · 23/12/2011 15:55

i would give anything to hear my mum using her key to come in my house.She died 7 weeks ago.

birdsofshoreandsea · 23/12/2011 15:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QOD · 23/12/2011 16:01

oh pisses me off no end, my DH's older sister is known for opening the front door and shouting COOOEEEEE - we'd never DREAM of doing it to her. If I know she is coming I make a point of locking the door.
My friends DH popped round the other day and opened the door and shouted out, when he went home and told his wife she REALLY told him off. Which made me LMAO as she has done it before (admittedly when I knew she was coming)
I do it at my mums though :D But her house is very weird, she has a glass wall that you walk past to get to the back door (which is the front and only door as the house is back to front) so you can see if she is in the lounge. If she isn't, we let ourselves in and shouut COOOOOEEEEEE until we get an answer - but don't go further than the lounge

baubleybobbityhat · 23/12/2011 16:06

Yanbu. I would be furious too.

What on earth has it got to do with babysitting or doing your washing and ironing unasked while you are away (which would also send me insane with rage at the infringement of my privacy)?

It may be perfectly acceptable in many families - fine.

But not in op's and not, I suspect, in the vast majority of families.

exoticfruits · 23/12/2011 16:14

I would take the key away from her. I couldn't stand it. YANBU

Yankeecandlequeen · 23/12/2011 18:55

mummylin - i would give anything to hear my mum using her key to come in my house.She died 7 weeks ago.

I'd also love to hear that. I lost my mum 4 yrs ago.....xx

Christmasford · 23/12/2011 18:58

We knock, we enter in our family...inlaws included....if the door is locked I'd expect my mum to use her key...

exoticfruits · 23/12/2011 18:59

I think that it is all getting a bit emotive-I have lost a parent but I would love to hear him ringing the doorbell. I can't think that he would he would have just let himself in. I have my mother's key-I don't use it unless she is away and has asked me to collect post etc.

lisaro · 23/12/2011 19:03

YADNBU. I'm shocked that anyone would think this is ok or normal.

usualsuspect · 23/12/2011 19:13

Well its normal for my family .maybe my family is abnormal though Xmas Grin

I just walked into my DDS house today Xmas Shock

Her DP has just walked into mine Xmas Shock

ChaoticAngel · 23/12/2011 19:23

YANBU Other posters may be okay with it but you're not and you have the right not to be. As for the free baby sitting if she didn't want to do it she could always say no. I wouldn't be pleased about her coming in to do the washing/ironing either. It's an invasion of privacy and a 'favour' isn't a favour if you haven't asked for it or don't want it.

exoticfruits · 23/12/2011 19:24

It is all to do with parents not letting go-if their DCs think it is OK they have made a superb job of not letting go!

MollyMurphy · 23/12/2011 19:31

YANBU - it is bad manners to let yourself into someone elses's house family or not. However....I'd probably say something lightly with a smile about it and let it go - not storm off in a huff.

MrsBradleyCooper · 23/12/2011 19:36

A few years ago I came home to find PIL's already in my house drinking a cup of tea Shock

Needless to say it never happened again Grin

runningwilde · 23/12/2011 19:46

The flared nostrils are a bit much aren't they?! Just p

runningwilde · 23/12/2011 19:48

If You don't like her coming in when you go away then tell her so, although it sounds very kind of her she should have checked with you first. When you are at home leave your key in te door so she has to knock.

unfitmother · 23/12/2011 19:49

You're lucky your MIL didn't change her mind.

Original poster
mimimomma · 23/12/2011 19:49

I think the flared nostrils are a result of trying to bite one's tongue!

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 23/12/2011 19:50

Excuse me ,not letting go ?

Because we treat each other like family ?

Ok then

namechangerbat · 23/12/2011 19:51

YABU

The DC may have been asleep / calm and a knock on the door may wake them / make them bounce.

Original poster
mimimomma · 23/12/2011 19:54

namechanger- my dd is certainly not sleepy at 6pm, she adores the doorbell ringing, and races out to see who it is. I really don't think my MIL had this in her thoughts.

OP posts:
IHaveAFeatureWallAndILikeIt · 23/12/2011 19:55

Whether or not you should knock depends on the person. My DHs family expect you to just walk in, my mum likes you to know and always knocks on our door. (Although I let myself in to hers if it is raining). You like people to knock and your DH has obviously been brought up in a house where you don't have to knock, so I can see why she let herself in because your DH probably didn't mind and she wouldn't mind you walking into hers. Maybe get your DH to mention to her that you would both prefer if she knocked in future.

cantspel · 23/12/2011 19:57

It would be perfectly normal in my family. I even have a key to my brothers house and he lives over 60 miles away.

namechangerbat · 23/12/2011 19:58

You know when some one posts in AIBU but really doesn't care what any one thinks , as they already have a definite idea that they are most certainly NBU. I think possible that.

Biscuit
mrsmaltesers · 23/12/2011 20:34

If it was my mil i would go bonkers ... Depends how well you get on with her, but you are not being un reasonable either way. Its too much to be honest. You are right to be pissed off. And i dont get the babysitting thing from mymios so you dont have to be greatfuo just because they are baby sitting either. Rant finito,