Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

£10 cheque for DGC's Christmas presents

96 replies

nicknamenotinuse · 23/12/2011 07:10

Every year without fail my mother writes out a cheque for £10 for my children in their names to be put into their accounts. This really hacks me off as she puts the cheque in a Christmas gift envelope covered in Santa and Snowmen. Does she honestly expect the kids (under 5) to open the envelope and their faces light up with delight at a bit of paper with Grandmas writing on it?

It's not the money value that gets me down it's the fact that I'd rather she spent less and just got something which she thought about, maybe just spent a few pounds on a story book from a supermarket etc., a pair of socks or just 'something' which she has thought about which my children might like.

And even worse, it's not that she can't get out and about and buy something, she is always shopping (it is her hobby) so surely she could manage to find a small, inexpensive something for her Grandchildren?

I probably am being unreasonable but watching my children open a cheque just makes me a bit sad.

Flame me.

Ta

xx

OP posts:
mumblechum1 · 23/12/2011 07:11

Why don't you buy something and stick a label on it "from Grandma", and pay the cheques in and once they've cleared, put the money into your own account?

As we don't see our families at Xmas (all hundreds of miles away), we've always got cheques from them and I've always done the above so there's plenty to open on Xmas day.

redlac · 23/12/2011 07:12

Don't watch them then. Get the envelopes off your mum and open them yourself.

Maybe she has no clue what under 5s would like for Christmas so finds this less stressful.

Original poster
nicknamenotinuse · 23/12/2011 07:13

the children have only got those savings accounts where you can't access the money until they are 18 so we can do nothing once the money is in if that makes sense.

OP posts:
leftmymistletoeatthedoor · 23/12/2011 07:14

Hmmmmm I don't think yabu really althought other people will say at least they have a grandma / get something / have a roof over their head etc.

My dc's grandparents give me money every year and I have to go buy the presents then give them them back to wrap. I sometimes get upset about that because I'd like THEM to choose something.

How about you buying them something worth that amount in advance? Wouldn't be different for you but would be different for the kids?

mumblechum1 · 23/12/2011 07:15

But for the sake of a tenner, couldn't you just buy them something "from her" anyway?

Original poster
nicknamenotinuse · 23/12/2011 07:15

if she has no clue, maybe she could ask me? I'd say a book, some colouring pencils etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
nicknamenotinuse · 23/12/2011 07:15

It seems I am being unreasonable.

OP posts:
mumblechum1 · 23/12/2011 07:17

No, YANBU but I can't tell from your OP whether you've simply asked her to buy them a gift instead of giving them a chq which they can't spend; maybe she doesn't realise they can't access the accoutn use the money to buy something?

Or, why not just open a new account which you can access?

hellhasnofury · 23/12/2011 07:20

Speaking as a parent whose grandparents did the same for them, it was marvellous when they got (and get as DS is still only 19 so hasn't got his yet) their money on their 21st birthdays. For DD, who has just gone to Uni at the age of 21, all those £10 gifts have meant she's got a nest egg to replace her now dying car just at a time she's had to cut right back on work. She is eternally grateful to her grandparents who put money away for her regularly, it has meant the money she saved for going to uni can be used for uni and the money they saved can be used to buy her a nice car that'll get her through the next 4 years. There is a bigger picture here.

DS is planning to use his money to take a year working on a research project with snakes in the depths of some dark rain forest somewhere.

Glittertwins · 23/12/2011 07:21

We have always paid cheques in their name into our account and bought something with it or put it into their account. I didn't see how old the children are but ours are only 3 and have plenty of other presents to open?

peggyblackett · 23/12/2011 07:22

YABU. My parents give my dcs money for their account as a) it avoids them receiving a large amount of presents (why do pre-schoolers need an excessive amount of toys?) and b) I imagine they will be far more grateful to dear old GP when they receive a cheque towards Uni/ first car/ blahblahblah at 18.

I expect to be a lone voice on this though :o. Why not buy them something with the money?

Original poster
nicknamenotinuse · 23/12/2011 07:22

18 ten pound cheques will sadly not buy a new car when they are 18 but I see your point.

OP posts:
peggyblackett · 23/12/2011 07:24

No....but its a start. Better than 10 crappy colouring books.

Original poster
nicknamenotinuse · 23/12/2011 07:25

colouring books aren't crappy though when you're 4?

OP posts:
Glittertwins · 23/12/2011 07:27

Peggy, you aren't alone :)

peggyblackett · 23/12/2011 07:28

Buy some with the money then . Simple. I know which I'd prefer at 18 though.

myBOYSareBONKERS · 23/12/2011 07:31

colouring books are crappy - my children hate them!

Proudnscary · 23/12/2011 07:35

No you're not being unreasonable, but can't you bring this up with her? Obviously at the right time and in a friendly way: 'It's so sweet of you to give them cheques every year, thanks so much, but it would be lovely if they got a little gift instead until they're old enough to appreciate the money'.
Hmm actually it sort of sounds rude however politely you say it!!
What's your relationship like with your mum?

bonkersLFDT20 · 23/12/2011 07:36

Is your Mother there when they open the present? If not, then just don't let them open it. Of course they don't understand money presents at this age, but they don't really understand who has or hasn't bought them gifts - unless you tell them and that would be daft!

Personally I would open a different account in their names so that YOU have more control over when they can access it. Put the money in there and then as others have said, buy them something from Grandma, then in the thank you letter state exactly what you got them.

When they get older it can be so nice for them to choose something they want themselves, or to save for something big.

Does she get presents for Birthdays? I do understand how you feel as far as thinking she could put a but more effort in though.

catsareevil · 23/12/2011 07:36

YABU, I'd much rather that my kids were given money to put in their accounts instead of things that they dont need. They are perfectly happy to get cheques, and understand that the money goes into their bank accounts.

bonkersLFDT20 · 23/12/2011 07:37

If she IS there when they open them then have something in mind that they want and say "ohh look mini nickname, now you'll be able to buy that game you said you'd really like".

Original poster
nicknamenotinuse · 23/12/2011 07:37

no presents for birthdays either. Just a cheque, but for £5.00. I do sound unreasonable, I'm sorry.

OP posts:
dweezle · 23/12/2011 07:40

Kids get so much stuff at this time of year I think money in their bank accounts is a great idea. And to be honest, how long do they remember that the colouring book was from Grandma.

CrispLeCrisp · 23/12/2011 07:43

I ask for money for my dc from gp's. At under 5 they have NO idea who or what they have got. Oh and I got 5 colouring books for £1 the other day, just get some like that and wrap them up for them. Or speak to your own mother Hmm

KatAndKit · 23/12/2011 07:47

I don't think you are being unreasonable. It would actually cost me about £3 to £5 in petrol and parking fees to go to the bank and pay in the cheque. Not to mention the inconvenience. Either use internet banking or put a tenner in the envelope. If she gives you cash you can either put it in their accounts or use it to take them to buy a book or a toy in the shops.

Unless you are getting more in your account than a £10 cheque at Christmas, it isn't going to be worth all that much when you are 18. I don't think there is anything wrong with sometimes having money as presents. But don't expect a 4 year old to get excited over it, and don't use cheques!

Swipe left for the next trending thread