£10 cheque for DGC's Christmas presents

[nicknamenotinuse]

Every year without fail my mother writes out a cheque for £10 for my children in their names to be put into their accounts. This really hacks me off as she puts the cheque in a Christmas gift envelope covered in Santa and Snowmen. Does she honestly expect the kids (under 5) to open the envelope and their faces light up with delight at a bit of paper with Grandmas writing on it?

It's not the money value that gets me down it's the fact that I'd rather she spent less and just got something which she thought about, maybe just spent a few pounds on a story book from a supermarket etc., a pair of socks or just 'something' which she has thought about which my children might like.

And even worse, it's not that she can't get out and about and buy something, she is always shopping (it is her hobby) so surely she could manage to find a small, inexpensive something for her Grandchildren?

I probably am being unreasonable but watching my children open a cheque just makes me a bit sad.

Flame me.

Ta

xx

speak t your mum tel her you love the fact shes givng them money for their accounts but they would really enjoy a parcel to open , does she see the children christmas day ? if she does then i would say give them a present from her even if its from the cheque shes sent , however under 5s wont know she hasnt got them a present yet so maybe as they get older say to your mum if she could buy them a little present to open , yanbu i

My DCs get money from granny and an uncle. I always factor this in and buy from them and take the money when it arrives/clears in bank. Granny and uncle are grateful when DCs send thanks with what they got. I'm not so thankful BUT if the DCS got cash they would spend it on tat in sales like their dad does

YA and YAN BU (hope that helps!). On the one hand, at least she gives them something and money is far more useful than some bit of tat, and how difficult would it be to open a post office account for them, so they could access the money before the age of 18? On the other, it does lack a bit of effort. When I give my DNs money I at least wrap it up with a token cheap DVD or big bar of chocolate!

News flash!!! she has just told me that this year she has wrapped up a dinosaur pop up book, a jigsaw and a teddy. I am soooooo happy. She also said she is looking forward to seeing them open them!!

Sorry for ranting on in my original post but you have no idea how happy happy happy this has made me!! Yes I was being unreasonable, I see that now, but this is great! x

thats great shes made the effort I still dont think You were BU al you wanted was grandma to make that little bit of effort for her grandchldren Im sure they will love their presents , perhaps before she thought they were young enough for money , Have a lovely christmas

My dc's grandparents give me money every year and I have to go buy the presents then give them them back to wrap. I sometimes get upset about that because I'd like THEM to choose something.

Similar here, although I do the wrapping too, and don't get the money back until later. Same with my presents. Like the OP's DM, mine LOVES shopping, she spends her day off shopping for fun most weeks, but she says she "can't be bothered" to choose something for us, or even to go and get something specific, or even wrap the bloody thing. And that does hurt, because even as a child she never tried to think about my personality. It is not about Getting Stuff - I am very grateful that the DCs get something else I couldn't necessarily afford alongside what I've bought already, but honestly I'd rather she spent much less money and maybe a tiny bit of effort on actually thinking "hmm, what might DD/DGC like?". It does hurt that my own mother knows me so little - and that she has never tried to change this.

Aaaah lovely update OP.

My grandparents have always given £15 to their children, grandchildren and now great grandchildren. I was taking to my granda about this the other day and he said christmas and birthdays (you get the same at both) costs them about £3k a year. Dont know what your mums situation is but that is a lot of presents to buy if my granda did it that way. He does just give me 1 cheque for £60 at christmas and i go and buy something and then let him know what i have got for the children.

Nickname that's lovely. Ah the festive spirit! Tis time to don my Santa hat I think :)

stinkingbishop I just laughed myself into a coughing fit at: 'a scarf! a scarf! he's lucky to have a neck to wrap it round! we couldn't afford a neck when we were young!

OP you seem unhappy that she appears not to have given any thought to the gift but maybe she has. I know I find it hard to think of things that children will a) want and b) not already have. Whereas money is a sure bet.
Pop it into their bank accounts and give it to them when they are older, they will be pleased.

buying a present for them from grandma doesn't show her caring the way you want her though.

so not really a helpful suggestion.

tell her how you/they feel. it's a lot easier

My grandparents have always just given us all a cheque (is a very generous £100 each though) for birthdays and Xmas. I tend to spend most of the kids money on boring stuff like new coats etc but after the Xmas craze has died down we go to the toy shop and let them choose a toy saying that granny has given them money and allowed them to choose something. They love it because they spend ages deciding what they want and then we go over to granny's house so they can show her what they bought and to say thank you.

I like it because it is way more memorable and special than just another toy piled on the already enormous pile that they receive on Xmas day. How about starting a tradition like that so they can appreciate the money?

Ahh that's great, OP! For the record, my dad always does this and I would much rather he gave them a present that he had chosen himself.

On the other hand, a card with an M&S voucher for the DDs arrived today- when I explained to DD1 this meant she could go to the shop and choose something herself she was beside herself with excitement!

And I actually remember the fun of being taken to the shops to spend our xmas money when I was young- we always had at least £20 from various relatives, which seemed a HUGE amount of money at the time.

YABVVU and entitled as is anyone trying to boss people around what to give for Christmas. If she loves shopping then it's obviously not lack of effort as she would have enjoyed looking for and buying things. Some people.

Thanks Aribura. Thanks a lot.

I think your mum is here, on mn.

She read all the threads about 'plastic tut', 'evil sugar', 'present giving is for idiots', 'commercial crap' etc.

She is scared to give them presents.

Ds is 7.5 and this is his 8th Christmas. Every year I buy ds a present from his grandma and she wraps it up and gives it to him. Otherwise she wouldn't have a clue what to get him. Usually she forgets to reimburse me too!

I don't think it is unusual. I would do as others suggested - use the £10 to buy a present from grandma to give to your dcs.

can i join in in the fucking shit grandparents brigade

mil bought 18 yr old twins a box of 1.50 chocolates and then said that she didn't get my 22 year old any becuase he is too old

OP I'd really like to know if there is a bigger issue with your mum, did she put effort into your presents when you were a child?

If it was me I wouldnt give them the envelope. I would just pay in into their accounts and watch them have fun opening other presents instead.

My mum has always been too busy to buy her grandchildren presents and my brother goes and get the presents. Then she will wrap them up and give him the money.

As for me I have enough to do without getting the presents as well. I do tell her what to buy but she wont go and get it. Instead he gets some weird little toy, and I get an envelope with money inside. Which Im going to use to buy his swimming lessons, as they are so expensive.