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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

£10 cheque for DGC's Christmas presents

96 replies

nicknamenotinuse · 23/12/2011 07:10

Every year without fail my mother writes out a cheque for £10 for my children in their names to be put into their accounts. This really hacks me off as she puts the cheque in a Christmas gift envelope covered in Santa and Snowmen. Does she honestly expect the kids (under 5) to open the envelope and their faces light up with delight at a bit of paper with Grandmas writing on it?

It's not the money value that gets me down it's the fact that I'd rather she spent less and just got something which she thought about, maybe just spent a few pounds on a story book from a supermarket etc., a pair of socks or just 'something' which she has thought about which my children might like.

And even worse, it's not that she can't get out and about and buy something, she is always shopping (it is her hobby) so surely she could manage to find a small, inexpensive something for her Grandchildren?

I probably am being unreasonable but watching my children open a cheque just makes me a bit sad.

Flame me.

OP posts:

sherbetpips · 23/12/2011 11:53

have you told her you dont like it? not really for you though is it, I am sure the kids get enough toys to make up for it. money in the bank is good after all.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 23/12/2011 11:56

Yabu and ungrateful. When I think how many people on here complain about gifts that ARE given, or charity gifts given instead of a gift, or plastic tat given instead of books, or books given instead of plastic tat etc I start to wonder why anybody bothers giving gifts at all. Some people are never satisfied.

Liluri · 23/12/2011 11:58

Open them accounts that you can access - pay in cheques - buy presents.

stinkingbishop · 23/12/2011 12:07

remus it's Christmas! Have a Snowball ;)

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 23/12/2011 12:18

Thanks Bishop. :)

I just hate people moaning about gifts - some people have nothing whilst others moan about their children 'only' getting a cheque etc. Grrrrr.

Original poster

nicknamenotinuse · 23/12/2011 12:18

remus, yes, I am ungrateful. I'm ungrateful for the lack of thought and effort. If she bought them a 1p penny sweet at least it would have taken some thought.

OP posts:

stinkingbishop · 23/12/2011 12:29

I know Remus. But if you followed that logic, Mumsnet would cease to exist because, let's face it, it's one massive whingeing outlet (which Lord knows we all need) except we wouldn't be allowed to because we're not a homeless, beaten wife on the streets of Kabul, with half a leg, a child in prostitution...

I DO think OP has a point about the lack of effort. Money/vouchers etc - would far rather have much less, but that showed I'd actually been thought about at the moment of purchase. Goodness, she could even make some peppermint creams or something and they'd go down a treat.

Says the woman whose DM (repeating from another thread, sorry) called to say (because I am the Argos catalogue apparently, you can just order stuff from me for Xmas) she wanted a Lakeland yoghurt maker and starter kit, had already bought a £14 brooch and a £27 necklace, so all that should come to pretty much the same as she'd spend on me so shall we just call it quits?

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahha. Merry Christmas!

Original poster

nicknamenotinuse · 23/12/2011 12:31

well said stinkingbishop. My point exactly.

OP posts:

Gay40 · 23/12/2011 12:36

I'd be glad of the cheque too. DD has too much crap and not enough room. But I can see your point.

My grandmother gives us a cheque, but also buys a bloody awful inappropriate present that has less thought and consideration in it than the cheque.
DD wants for nothing, but took a huff because I wouldn't give her the 99p plasticine pack that was for the Christmas Shoebox charity thing.
I was very tempted to get that, and only that, for her Christmas present this year.

fiftyval · 23/12/2011 12:53

YANBU. Unless she is totally uninvolved with your life I can't understand the attitude of the GM. When I was a child our Grandparents never did this until we were alot older ( as they were) and they used to send book tokens or cash. Before that, they always sent presents, wrapping them themselves and (gasp!!) posting them.
My parents always try to buy something ( they are in their 80's) and the only time I get something on their behalf is if it is something best bought via internet. They never assume I will do this. If there is a big present dd wants and they want to contribute, they send a cheque and a small token thing to open. It is not difficult.
On the other hand, DP's parents just don't get the point of present buying. His father has a track record of telling everybody what they are getting and has now started sending e-mails saying '' I have transferred £xx into your account to cover your Xmas presents..'' leaving us to interpret whether we are meant to buy dd something on his behalf or not. He sees the whole thing as a series of problems needing solving.
I really don't think age is an excuse either. I have a 90+ year old aunt who will send me a cheque with a lovely letter apologising for sending a cheque and 'would I mind 'getting something for dd. She always makes out a large cheque with a few extra £'s added on 'to pay for the wrapping and petrol going to the shops''. Considering she has never had children, she totally 'gets' presents and is always thoughtful. One in a million, my aunt.

valiumredhead · 23/12/2011 13:20

I am very old school when it comes to gifts, you smile, accept them and that is that. You don't moan as that's bad manners in my book, it always shocks me when people complain about gifts tbh.

amerryscot · 23/12/2011 13:22

My mother always sent money (she actually direct deposited it into our bank account) as she was always afraid I wouldn't approve of her choices, or that her gift would be a duplicate.

Christmas is about giving, not getting. You are missing the point, OP.

FabbyChic · 23/12/2011 13:22

Give her the cheque back this year and say if you cannot get something with some thought behind it don't bother.

coccyx · 23/12/2011 13:22

My nan used to do that as she was worried about getting the wrong thing. At least they are getting something.

Highlander · 23/12/2011 13:27

YABU, they will need the money when they are older.

Kids don't need a pile of tat at Christmas. As long as they have a few bits from their parents, any moneynreceived should be looked at as a much needed investment for their future.

amerryscot · 23/12/2011 13:29

My FIL has been giving money to the GCs for the last 20 years. He does it so that they avoid inheritance tax.

valiumredhead · 23/12/2011 13:34

Fabby's post illustrates my point beautifully

valiumredhead · 23/12/2011 13:35

amerry Good good! - more people should do it!

PumpkinBones · 23/12/2011 13:38

I am genuinely at some of the Christmas present threads. Especially complaining about other people being sufficiently thoughtless as to only provide money and not plastic crap for their children to open and discard -whilst other threads moan about piles of plastic crap, and why are people so thoughtless? Why don't they give them money?! - and not recognising their own selfish, ungrateful attitude is miles worse.

LunaticFringe · 23/12/2011 13:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrincessScrumpy · 23/12/2011 13:49

my Granny sends money for dc as she doesn't know what they already have. She usually sends £100 each and then I put some in dc's bank account and let dd1 choose something (dd2 and 3 are too young so I choose). dd loves shopping in Toys R us after Christmas and getting to choose a toy. I'd rather that than her buying something the kids don't need/want and cluttering my house up.

exoticfruits · 23/12/2011 13:58

I am always surprised that people fuss about these things. The person who gives the present can give what they like, whether Oxfam goats or cheques. Once people become parents they seem to think they can control everything to do with their DCs-they can't.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 23/12/2011 14:12

Thinks...

Aha - It is nearly Christmas...I will write a cheque for the grandchildren

Aha - It is nearly Christmas...I will buy a penny sweet for the Grandchildren

Seems like about the same amount of thought and effort to me.

Anyway, Merry Christmas. I'm off to wrap some (carefully considered!!!) presents.

mrspepperspot · 23/12/2011 14:23

DH parents always buy the dc's clothes for Christmas - they are 5 and 1. If I'm honest it really pisses me off. Very difficult for a small child to get excited about a pack of knickers or some leggings. As their mother I buy the dc's their clothes and would prefer it if their grandparents bought them a dvd or a book, don't care if it only cost a couple of quid.

A cheap dvd or some chocolate is much nicer for a little girl to open at Christmas than underwear.

Expects to be told by some that the dc should be 'grateful' they get a gift at all etc etc.!

Triggles · 24/12/2011 08:58

Well, realistically speaking, they SHOULD be grateful they get a gift.

My MIL always buys them clothing, as she has no idea what toy to buy or what book, as they have quite a few! I certainly don't mind. We always encourage excitement and gratitude when they get a gift - and to be fair, they always seem pleased with her choices.

I think it's important for children to learn that it's a-polite to be pleased with ANY gift given and b-rude to expect a particular gift (such as toy instead of clothing).

I agree that some parents seem to get a bit too huffy about not being able to control what others buy the children for gifts. If you can't simply teach your children to be grateful, then perhaps that's not the gift giver's fault, is it....

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