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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

£10 cheque for DGC's Christmas presents

96 replies

nicknamenotinuse · 23/12/2011 07:10

Every year without fail my mother writes out a cheque for £10 for my children in their names to be put into their accounts. This really hacks me off as she puts the cheque in a Christmas gift envelope covered in Santa and Snowmen. Does she honestly expect the kids (under 5) to open the envelope and their faces light up with delight at a bit of paper with Grandmas writing on it?

It's not the money value that gets me down it's the fact that I'd rather she spent less and just got something which she thought about, maybe just spent a few pounds on a story book from a supermarket etc., a pair of socks or just 'something' which she has thought about which my children might like.

And even worse, it's not that she can't get out and about and buy something, she is always shopping (it is her hobby) so surely she could manage to find a small, inexpensive something for her Grandchildren?

I probably am being unreasonable but watching my children open a cheque just makes me a bit sad.

Flame me.

OP posts:

Hulababy · 23/12/2011 07:48

Yanbu. But then I am not a fan of money gifts for little ones. Infant idvrather a voucher they could go out and use. Dd on,y gets money from one person but e is infirm and really can't get out . He loves us to get dd something with it though, not just put it away.

exoticfruits · 23/12/2011 08:14

When they were little I used the cheque to buy a present and wrap it up. Later on they prefer the money.

mysteryfairy · 23/12/2011 08:21

KatAndKit - I'm mystified by your cheque paying in difficulties. You do know you can just post cheques to your bank along with a paying in slip? If you ask them nicely they'll probably give you some pre-paid envelopes to do so.

KatAndKit · 23/12/2011 08:25

I haven't received a cheque in so long that I have not needed to do this! hardly anyone uses them these days. Hence I do not have a pile of paying in slips about the house. They are a nuisance. And expecting a 4 year old to be happy about a present they can't have till they are 18 is a bit mental. I don't really think you get the idea of delayed gratification that much when you are 4.

Strawbezza · 23/12/2011 08:26

YANBU, I think the practice of saving for the DGC's future is a good one, but they should have a small present from their grandma to actually open.

PeggyBlackett are you a namechanged CaptainNancy?

peggyblackett · 23/12/2011 08:29

Nope, just another S&A afficionado :o

Strawbezza · 23/12/2011 08:31

Aha there are at least 3 of us in that case! Karabadangbaraka!

peggyblackett · 23/12/2011 08:31

Kit, you don't need a paying in slip - just send the cheque with a letter with your account details. My bank branch is 400 miles away so have always done this.

peggyblackett · 23/12/2011 08:33

It was on telly the other day Strawbezza. I only realised when it was halfway through, gah.
Time to re-read the books I think.

KittyFane · 23/12/2011 08:35

Just tell your mum you'd rather she didn't send the cheques thanks.

Strawbezza · 23/12/2011 08:36

Damn I missed that too. I reckon Winter Holiday is due a re-read at this time of year Peggy's the star in that one too, poor old Nancy's got measles

Sorry OP for hijacking your thread I'm off to work now so I'll stop.

MissPentChristmasBudget · 23/12/2011 08:40

I can see where you're coming from OP. It's perfectly reasonable to be a bit upset that your mum doesn't appear to be putting any thought into what she buys; just giving the same cheque year in and year out. Do you think that's why she does it though, out of laziness? Or do you think she's actively decided that the money will be of more use to them later, or that they get a lot of gifts form other people, etc?

peggyblackett · 23/12/2011 08:40

Ooh yes, Winter Holiday!

The irony for me of this thread is that I have asked my DM not to to go overboard on presents and to give the DCs savings (said much more gently than my summary here!).

OP, maybe we should swap presents - you send me a cheque and you can have the second stockings that my DM makes for my DCs? :o

JollyJinglyJoo · 23/12/2011 08:45

My MIL always sends the dc money (through the post, although I have repeatedly warned her not too ) For the last couple of years I have used some of it to make their Christmas eve box (new pj's/ slipper socks/ colouring books/ games/ dvd/ sweets) and put the rest in their bank accounts. I tell them that granny organised the box to come via the elves.

I did used to think it might be nice if she bought them a wee pressie instead, but this year she sent them pj's, and bought dd (7) size 8-10- they drowned her! think she thought they were aged 8-10!!! So she may be best to stick to the money

Xmasbaby11 · 23/12/2011 08:49

I think GP may forget that for children, wrapped up presents are truly magical and add a lot to the anticipation and excitement of the day. It must surely about about lack of confidence in choosing something suitable.

growing up, all our relatives (who we rarely saw) did this, but my parents intercepted the cheques and bought presents on their behalf. So I would think this is normal and it worked for us.

But it depends how often your DM sees the DC - it would be nice if she paid attention to what they like. Maybe next year you can bring it up and help her choose what to get them, or ask what she would like the money spend on - toys, something educational, or savings. Hopefully she will gain confidence as they get older.

Triggles · 23/12/2011 08:53

Hmm... it's complicated, I suppose. On one hand, that is the reason that we give our 2 DGSs a small gift (pajamas and a book) along with a card with £5 in it, as it added up to about £20 in total each. We could have given them the £20 I suppose, but we wanted them to have something to open, as well as a small amount of cash to pick something they'd like. We know they're getting cash from another relative as well. We always give them a book as part of their gift (like to encourage reading as we did with our own children), and both DIL and DD stated that DGSs needed pajamas.

But by the same token, I would be a bit about being told what NOT to give IYSWIM. Or being told what TO give, whichever way you look at it. I would say you might like to revisit the whole "it's the thought that counts" frame of mind. At least she makes an effort to give them something, and she is having a view to their future in that gift. Nothing wrong with that. If you are truly agitated by it, buy some chocolate coins, and give them the card AND the coins.

andaPontyinaPearTreeeeee · 23/12/2011 08:55

Hmm. I don't know what I think!

Could she give you an extra quid to get something from the pound shop for them to open 'from nanny'?

BalloonSlayer · 23/12/2011 08:56

I totally understand what you're saying OP, and I don't think you are being U.

(Not to mention the utter arseache of having to queue up in building societies to pay the bloody cheques in. I don't mind cash as we save it all up and do it at once, with cheques you have to constantly worry that they might have gone out of date.)

Could you say next year - "hey, what about you make the cheque out to me and I will buy them something from you?"

My Mum sends me a cheque for the DCs made out to me. I put cash in the BS for the 4 year old, and now the others are 10 and 11 I let them have the cash, as they love having money to burn - but when they were smaller it went in the BS too. But she also sends them "something little to open" which is often quite generous too, although Grannies being Grannies it is sometimes way off the mark when it comes to being what they'd like. But they love having something to open.

Triggles · 23/12/2011 08:58

JollyJinglyJoo a few years ago SIL bought some pajamas for DS2 for Christmas that were a number of sizes too big for him. We simply quietly put them aside, and this year they fit perfectly and they are really nice quality. But yes, it was a bit at the time, but honestly she had no idea they were too big, and we didn't tell her, as we knew she would be mortified.

It can be difficult to buy toys for children once they hit schoolage IMO. We HAVE a 5yo and 2yo still at home, but I still find it troublesome trying to choose the right toys for DGSs, who are 6yo and 5yo. Mainly because they have tons of toys and I don't want to duplicate, and both DD and DIL have insisted they have far too many toys already. And yes, we DO ask DD & DIL if there is anything in particular that they need or would like for Christmas, but they usually give us a couple options, and then we go from there.

humblehippo · 23/12/2011 11:24

I think it's a nice gift - maybe she wants them to have a bit of money saved for the future rather than little bits and bobs now as I guess they get plenty to open. If you really prefer them to have someting to open, why don't you just mention it to her though?

Original poster

nicknamenotinuse · 23/12/2011 11:31

mentioned it numerous times, just gets ignored.

OP posts:

Original poster

nicknamenotinuse · 23/12/2011 11:32

I just think it screams of lack of thought and effort. That's all.

OP posts:

whatstheetiquette · 23/12/2011 11:33

I won't flame you

But under fives can understand what money is and that a cheque is paper money. I tell mine (now 3 and 5) that paper money is the best kind of money . MIL gives them cheques, but also she does buy them something to play with, so actaully fantastic!

stinkingbishop · 23/12/2011 11:39

YADNBU.

But then I am in an anti-DM frame of mind at the moment ;)

Even a couple of comics and some chocolate coins would be 'fine'.

My DM has got my 17 year old DS socks and a scarf. He is the most polite boy in the world and a grade A actor but am so looking forward to seeing him trying to pull The Face of Gratitude on Sunday!

OP hopefully this will draw the flames off you as now everyone can jump in and scream 'a scarf! a scarf! he's lucky to have a neck to wrap it round! we couldn't afford a neck when we were young! and as for SOCKS, I walk barefoot 20 miles to work each day and I am PROUD!'

Or summat like that ;)

RaPaPaPumPumBootyMum · 23/12/2011 11:51

OP, I agree with you. YANBU imo!

I would also be very disappointed if my mother gave my small children a ten pound cheque.

I could perhaps understand if she was unable to go shopping for them but you say that shopping is your mother's hobby...

So she is just being a bit thoughtless and lazy?

If I were you I would buy your children something to the value of ten pounds and say it's from Grandma and then deposit cheque later.

But I wonder is part of the issue that your DM was similarly a bit rubbish at present buying when you were a child?

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