Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to sit back and let FIL and BIL get socks for Christmas?

29 replies

AKMD · 21/12/2011 12:19

I usually do all the present buying but this year I told DH that it was his responsibility to buy presents for his dad and brother. I know he has done absolutely nothing about it. I have bought for all 9 other members of his family. Judging by past history, DH is likely to dash out just before the supermarkets close on Christmas Eve and buy socks/shaving foam/malteasers for BIL and FIL. WIBU to just let this happen?

OP posts:

Kayano · 21/12/2011 12:20

Why just for those 2

Don't know if YABU as don't
Know why these two are not being treated the same as the 9 others

betternextlife · 21/12/2011 12:21

No. His family, his responsibility. If it was me, I'd have made him get the other 9 presents as well!

steamedtreaclesponge · 21/12/2011 12:22

I agree - why just those two? His family, his responsibility!

Original poster

AKMD · 21/12/2011 12:24

They are the two least likely to kick off if they get Carex for Christmas?

TBH I just got fed up of thinking of presents for everyone, buying them, wrapping them, sending them to far-flung destinations across the world... I did most and then thought "hang on, DH is an adult, why shouldn't he buy presents for his family?"

OP posts:

Original poster

AKMD · 21/12/2011 12:25

He has had over a month to get this sorted BTW; I didn't go on strike without notice.

OP posts:

HollyGhost · 21/12/2011 12:27

YANBU but you know you'll get the blame

LaurieFairyCake · 21/12/2011 12:28

to be fair there is very little to buy men as 'wee' presents apart from that so leaving it to the last minute is fine

throw in a bottle of decent wine/whisky and he's golden

Trills · 21/12/2011 12:31

YABU to make it be just FIL and BIL - if he was buying presents for all of his family then it would seem fairer when they all get last-minute presents. Now it seems like there are members of his family who you like and want to buy nice stuff for, and those who you dislike or don't care about as much.

delilahbelle · 21/12/2011 12:32

Last year was the first year DH bought for his family - I made a big point of telling MIL as I didn't want the blame for crap choices.

Annoyingly his sisters then emailed him links to amazon wishlists for practically everyone, so he could sort that online, and they also organised a joint present for FIL. They did the same this year - but at least I don't have to worry.

I did write his families Xmas cards though - some battles it's easier not to fight!

DoesNotGiveAFig · 21/12/2011 12:33

YANBU! I have done the same with my DH, I made a suggestion last month, (restaurant vouchers for ILs) he was all like, "Yeah! Great Idea!" I found the restaurant, emailed them to check they did vouchers. Gave all relevant info to DH, asked him occasionally if he's sorted it over the past month.

NOPE, NADA.

Lol.

Original poster

AKMD · 21/12/2011 12:34

I think he should be responsible enough to buy decent presents for his own family, so there shouldn't be any discrepancy. Thankfully, only SIL2 will be there at the same time as BIL and FIL so it won't be blindingly obvious.

OP posts:

SantasENormaSnob · 21/12/2011 12:35

I think it's a bit unfair as it's just bil and fil.

The whole lot of them would have got you a yanbu

Original poster

AKMD · 21/12/2011 12:39

I will give him another reminder before he goes to work tomorrow.

OP posts:

AFuckingFestiveKnackeredWoman · 21/12/2011 12:42

I wouldn't because i wouldn't want them to receive shit like that for Christmas, Its all well and good teaching him a lesson but why should they suffer. I consider dh's family as mine though so im happy to shop for them.

Mind you i do expect dh to be involved in what to get them and he does all the wrapping.

OhdearNigel · 21/12/2011 13:08

I've washed my hands of presents for his family this year. If they don't get one it'll be him that will have to admit to it.

Don't remind him - if he wants to get them a present he will.

5Foot5 · 21/12/2011 13:17

"I consider dh's family as mine though so im happy to shop for them.

Mind you i do expect dh to be involved in what to get them "

Ditto. DH doesn't leave it all to me, he does get involved - though I think I am better at coming up with ideas. However, I can't imagine treating his family differently to my family.

But I bet if the DH buys shit presents it will still be his wife who gets the blame, people always seem to expect women to take responsibility for this sort of thing.

I remember a few years ago an obnoxious, arrogant little tosser ex-colleague bragging how he had Christmas shopping completely sorted. His Mum bought and wrapped presents from him to all the family and then billed him for it afterwards. He looked startled when I told him in no uncertain terms that he should be ashamed of himself.

80sMum · 21/12/2011 13:20

No, YANBU. But why buy them presents at all?

TimothyClaypoleLover · 21/12/2011 13:25

OP, be prepared for FIL and BIL to assume you bought their presents as well seeing as you got everyone elses and wondering why everyone else got something decent!

My DH buys for his parents and sister but I buy for any kids on DH's side as well as my family. Luckily for my DH his family have decided this year to only buy for the kids!

LoveInASnowyClimate · 21/12/2011 13:28

I view present buying as something that should go to the person most likely to get it right for the recipient. Therefore, I tend to do my family, MIL and SIL, whereas DH does his father (or tells me what to get) as I find him really hard to buy for. YAB a bit U to just let two people get rubbish presents...

Original poster

AKMD · 21/12/2011 13:29

My side of the family does a non-secret santa thing so everyone buys and receives one present. DH's family aren't up for it. I don't mind; it isn't for everyone.

I have reminded DH about the presents and I do expect him to get them something half decent, but I am torn between letting him get on with it and getting back-up presents just in case. But this is a grown man and the back-up presents idea sounds ridiculous. Next year he will do the lot.

I am cooking for FIL, BIL and SIL3 so they can't feel totally neglected.

OP posts:

FoxyRevenger · 21/12/2011 13:32

I have never taken responsibility for any of DHs families gifts, not Christmas, birthdays or anything else.

Why would I? He's a fully functioning 37 year old man.

And that is why my Dad is getting sat nav for Christmas and his Dad is getting a £6 Primark jumper...

EndoplasmicReticulum · 21/12/2011 13:39

I did this, too. I bought for MIL, grandparents-in-law, cousin etc. but left FIL and two BILs to husband. This is because MIL and other relatives would be bothered if they didn't get a gift, but the male members of the family would genuinely not care.

OP - you should just tell his family what the deal was, then they won't blame you if the gifts are rubbish.

My family don't do presents at all, so I actually don't mind buying a few.

Husband has sorted his dad and brothers via Amazon, anyway. So I think we're OK.

whitecloud · 21/12/2011 13:41

My dh does his family and friend cards or they wouldn't get any! I would never agree to doing the lot and he has always done his own. As far as presents go, I think it depends how fussy the other family are. I have been told in the past that presents didn't suit (seems very rude to me) - so if they don't say what they want and think gift/book tokens are boring, I have lost any interest in buying anything for them. Dh does it now. Am a lot less tolerant of ingratitude since I have lost my parents. I can hear my Dad saying, you should be polite, because it's the thought that counts....

MarchelineWhatNot · 21/12/2011 13:46

And that is why my Dad is getting sat nav for Christmas and his Dad is getting a £6 Primark jumper...

Sorry, I know it's mean to laugh, but

BertieBotts · 21/12/2011 13:48

Oh seriously, of course YANBU! He's perfectly able to buy presents himself! Can't believe all the people saying you should have stepped in and done it

Although I agree. They should all be his job next year

Flip

1 2