Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be absolutely spitting with rage at 'D'SD?

479 replies

Iloveagoodroast · 20/12/2011 14:01

My SD is 10. I have a very difficult relationship with her. I have honestly tried my best with her, but i have reached the end of my tether, She is ignorant, sullen and downright rude to me 99% of the time. My DD is 5 and worships the ground she walks on, yet SD is less than interested in her at best, nasty to her at worst.
DH and i have been together 7 years, married for 6 months and her behaviour towards me has always been the same (kicked me in the stomach when i was pg with DD and saying, "I hope that hurt her" is one of many examples. She was only 4 or 5 then)
Anyway, we only see her on a Sunday. Yesterday morning, DD tells me that "SD gave me some medicine out of the cupboard yesterday".
I ask which medicine, DD said, "All of them." A spoonful each of Calpol, Nurofen, Piriton, 2 adults cough medicine, an adults cold and flu medicine, and gaviscon!!!
I asked why the hell she did it (DD said SD told her she was getting a cold, she isn't, she's fine). I asked where i was when this was happening, DD said upstairs with Daddy hoovering, which is the only time they were alone downstairs so v likely.
AIBU to be so bloody angry i feel like killing* SD?! She could have done DD some serious bloody damage!!
DH went round there yesterday when i rang to tell him what DD told me, he said he went mad at her, asked her what the hell she was playing at and she could have made DD very sick, He said she just shrugged!!!!

She is due to spend Xmas day here, i do not want her anywhere near me or DD at the moment, i know it will spoil the day as i am so angry with her?
AIBU?

*obviously i wouldn't really!

OP posts:
pigletmania · 20/12/2011 21:50

There is no doubt that the SD did try to harm her younger sister, its something very troubling. Tbh the op sounds a bit blaze, about it all, especially not taking her dd to A&E straight away, after ingesting what is large amount of medication and just relying on the GP, commonsense would tell you that they would need to know what she ingested and do tests to make sure that she is ok.

ScarlettIsWalking · 20/12/2011 22:00

Op if you are still reading this the most important thing is that she has o more contact with your dd for the time being. Your dd is at risk and vulnerable at the moment. If ss were aware of what happened you would be getting a visit.

Jemma1111 · 20/12/2011 23:04

I actually don't believe the OP'S post.

The main reasons being, if a child was given a suspected overdose EVERY parent would'nt hesitate and would take the child IMMEDIATELY to A&E.

I don't believe ANY Doctor would advise someone to watch out for 'anything out the ordinary'. A Doctor would ALWAYS treat something like this as an emergency.

The OP seems more interested in being nasty about her SD on the internet than she is about the health of her child.

I don't believe for one minute that a 10yr old could remove the medicine tops, give medicine and then replace them quickly. It sounds too far fetched.

Surely, the op's DD would have known its not right to be given alot of medicine, even at the age of 5.

It all makes no sense.

Oakmaiden · 20/12/2011 23:12

Jemma - I am a little suspicious of a few of the details, but I don't want to accuse the op of lying.

I do suspect that she has possibly exaggerated some of the details though. Particularly the ones about her 5 year old being able to identify every one of 7 medicines by colour and taste.

But it is entirely possible I am wrong, and so I have treated in good faith.

A1980 · 20/12/2011 23:20

I was a bit Hmm about a 5 year old knowing what gaviscon is.

MenopausalHaze · 20/12/2011 23:26

Did the child list the medicines or did she identify the bottles? Sorry if that's been made clear but if she only had to identify the bottles that would explain it.

WorraLiberty · 20/12/2011 23:26

Here's what I don't understand.

What GP in their right mind, would take a 5yr old's word for exactly which medicines she was given and the dosage?

Surely if you get a report that a 5yr old has been given any of the contents of a medicine cabinet by a 10yr old, you'd make sure the parent took that child straight to A&E for blood tests?? Confused

MenopausalHaze · 20/12/2011 23:26

Exactly so worra - that's what I'd have thought anyway

A1980 · 20/12/2011 23:27

^ Having said that.... I am now reminded of an incident when I was about 6 years old. My brother and I had had a tummy bug and were being sick. I was worse them him. He recovered very quickly whereas I was sick for the best part of a week.

Mum bought or we were prescribed (can't remember) medication for it. Little tablets I think they were. My brother one night says that we're going to see if we can get me better. He gives me one pill while we're watching tv before bed, one pill before I clean my teeth, one pill after I clean my teeth, one pill while I'm reading my story in bed and two pills before I lie down and go to sleep. He fed me them like candy. I wasn't sick that night but to be honest i was on the mend. My mum just left them in the bathroom cabinet and never noticed.

I never told her for years as I forgot about it. It was when my brother and I fell out big time that I told mum what a bastard he was and waht crap mother she was for letting him bully me relentlessly while she did nothing about it and told her about the pill incident. She wasn't concerned but then again I appear to have survived it unscathed over 20 years later.

scottishmummy · 20/12/2011 23:28

dreadful situation.
ok your dd ongoing monitoring gp aware and you're following med advice
now your sd,well she is probably a v mixed up wee girl,torn between her parents,old mummy,new mummy,daddy who's gone.and most likely a different narrative and vibe from all concerned.this is potentially v toxic mix,and you describe an alarming situation.

I suggest calm quiet meet circumstances all 3 adults meet
do discuss concerns about meds being given,and dd account
what will be done,what consistent message will. 10 yo receive from all the adults?

genuinely if there is further concern or deterioration by sd then you need to seek professional advice,eg referral to CAMHS

MenopausalHaze · 20/12/2011 23:29

It was probably immodium A1980 - most likely the only effect was you didn't shit for a couple of weeks!

A1980 · 20/12/2011 23:32

^ It wasn't immodium, it was for vomiting. That I do remember. We didn't have the shits.

Dammit, now i remember, it was some stupid homeopathic remedy for vomiting. No bloody wonder it didn't harm me, homeopathy is quack science. my mum was into all that shit and it didn't work

But that isnt the point. My brother wasn't to know as his tender age that the homeopathic drug wouldn't hurt me. He probably would have done it with prescribed medication.

leftmymistletoeatthedoor · 20/12/2011 23:35

Well the GP is wrong.

Your dd needs blood tests.

I think you also need to talk to your own dd about not just following what others say. I've had to talk to my son about similar, he's almost 5. He wouldn't - I don't think- let anyone giev him all that medicine esp when its yucky tasting and no way could he keep it a secret for a second for a day.

I feel very sorry for you all, not least your dsd. She is clearly one very mixed up kid. She did try and hurt your dd though which is not on but your dh should be certain not to give up on her, you can't pick and choose when to be a parent.

scottishmummy · 20/12/2011 23:36

did 5yo really know all those brand names or did she respond to questions/prompts which med,which colour?

A1980 · 20/12/2011 23:39

^ I guess the Op could have shown the bottles and asked her which ones she was given.

scottishmummy · 20/12/2011 23:41

am I getting this right,gp support after hospital assessment?

Jemma1111 · 20/12/2011 23:55

The OP had'nt taken her Dd to hospital but had 'apparently' contacted her GP who 'apparently' said that she should just more or less keep an eye on her child.

Even after many posters (including a Doctor) were urging the OP to take her child to A&E she did'nt seem very concerned and just carried on posting.

To me, something doesn't add up.

rootietootie · 21/12/2011 00:08

like I have said, very similar thing happened to my niece re medicine and when I called nhs24 I was told the same thing, keep a close eye on her next 24 hours, and if anything out of the ordinary, call back or take her to a & e. Nothing ever came of it and she was fine, so the op's story is not that unbelievable.

MeltedAdventCalendarChocolates · 21/12/2011 01:41

Doctors do give advice like this out. I don't understand why that is so hard to believe.

What I struggle to believe (actually I do believe it I just think it's dreadful) is that both your DSD and you DD only see their dad on Sunday afternoons and yet you were BOTH wasting that time upstairs hoovering? Priorities!!

MarchelineWhatNot · 21/12/2011 03:07

I cut contact with SD when she was 9. She was miserable with me, sullen, rude and unhappy. So I backed off, told my DP it was making us both miserable, so I was opting out. They had their own time, whenever suited either, but I no longer did any 'caring' for her iyswim. I did my own thing, they did theirs.

It sounds like this might be a good strategy for you, OP.

By the way, my eldest DS ate one of those things that hang in the loo, with bleach and blue dye. We were given the same advice... just keep an eye on him. Oh, and I know somebody whose DC drank a bottle of Calpol... same advice.

sashh · 21/12/2011 05:42

OK going to put the other point of view here - I am not for once saying this is right, but it is how children think.

She used to have a mummy and a daddy, then she didn't, and daddy was spending time with a new woman and not her, so in her eyes you stole her daddy (regardless of the circumstances, you could have met him 2 years after the split with mum and you would still have stolen him).

She feels rejected, and then you have not only have a baby but another little girl. Daddy only sees her one day a week anyway, now there is another little girl in the house her daddy is going to completely abandon her, he obviously loves your dd more because he lives with her.

When she does get to spend time with daddy it is with the dd he loves more than her, and with the woman who stole him, not only that she doesn't even get to see dadyy she is left with anoying brat (I know, she is probably an angel but we are talking 10myear old logic here) while daddy helps womon who stole daddy with housework.

So obviously (to a 10 year old) she is less important to daddy than hoovering. She might as well get him to abandon her now, completely as he will do anyway.

I second the get dad to take her to McDonalds idea.

There is nothing YOU can do to make your relationship with her better, what DH can do is build or preferebly continue to build a relationship with DD1 without you and your DD around.

sitandnatter · 21/12/2011 05:52

I am not hearing anything about what the father tries to do with her when she's there. She sees him for one day and he is upstairs vacuuming?? Why are you making suggestions for her to spend time with you, she is there to see her father, what is he doing with her?

She sounds resentful and if this has been going on since she was 4 then the adults need to take a look at how this this been allowed to develop.

EdithWeston · 21/12/2011 07:19

Here should be different medical advice for non-paracetamol items (like loo block), infant paracetamol (like calpol) and adult OTC medicines (contain a range of active ingredients including paracetamol at a much higher dose). It is the apparent unspecified dose of unspecified adult cold/flu remedies which would concern me.

Given the doctor's approach, I have been wondering if some of the details of the event have been before posting on an open forum (something often done to protect privacy). If so, it has unfortunately diverted attention onto the medical issues rather than the key one, which is that OP wants to ban a child from her father's house.

I think the point about her DF and the hoovering is well made. She has little time with her father - unless clearing up spills, does this really need to be housework time? If he were playing with them (and therefore supervising them), then the safety risk is removed.

I do not think she should be pushed even further out of her DF's life. He is father to them both and she should be able to see him at his home and participate in his life, and learn to interact with her sibling. This won't be achieved by banishment. If you cannot bear to be near her, you could go out when she is at her father's home. For although she is not resident all the time, from her pov his house is also her home. Family therapy will hopefully help all of you.

As might posting in the step-parenting board, where you are likely to get a more supportive approach than AIBU.

altinkum · 21/12/2011 07:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

iscream · 21/12/2011 07:54

Iloveagoodroast,I have read about half the thread at this point. Told my dh about it. Both of us think this is sociopathic behavior on your step-daughters part, and she need professional help, right away. She sounds like she has a antisocial personality disorder, she merely shrugged and said "dunno" when asked why she did this? No signs of concern, guilt, remorse or regret? She probably thinks of herself as a victim. This is not normal sibling jealousy , neither is trying to harm your baby inside you.

Why do you think she gave her the medicine, what do you think the goal was? It seems pretty obvious it was attempted murder to me.
There is no way she would be in my home Christmas Day. She is dangerous and unstable.
It is not a poor wee attention seeking child, this is a dangerously hate filled sick child who should not be trusted.