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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that DH is going way over the top about Father Christmas

114 replies

kindling · 20/12/2011 00:05

DH is loving the idea of reliving the magic of his childhood Christmas with DD (2.6) now that she is starting to understand and knows who Father Christmas is. This is how DH thinks Christmas Day should be: We get up when DD gets up (hopefully not too early - after 7am) and tell her that we should go to see if Father Christmas has been (mince pie crumbs, nibbled carrot etc). DD then gets to open her stocking and presents from Father Christmas. No presents from us as these are the ones from Father Christmas apparently. Any presents from family will be opened later that day when DD's grandparents are up (10-11). Apparently this is 'how it's done'.

DH says it's all about DD being excited that Father Christmas has been and what he has left her, and is adamant that the the best bits i.e. the instantly recognisable stuff that she will love (set of Peppa Pig stuff and a baby doll), should be 'from Father Christmas' i.e. and not from Granny and Grandpa (even though they have contributed some money for me to get her some bits that she will like).

Is this normal? It's all new to me as my family are not Christian and didn't make much of a fuss about Christmas/Father Christmas when I was younger (though we did have presents). I just assumed DD could have a few stocking bits early but that we would wait to all be together with family before opening the rest, including any 'Father Christmas presents', so that the grandparents can share the wonder / excitement / joy etc with her.

I also think that a stocking and one 'big' present is more than enough to come from Father christmas and find the idea of a mountain of stuff for a 2yo quite distasteful. I don't want to rain on DH's parade but I think that we're in danger of trying to whip DD up into a frenzy about presents and the importance of 'stuff' already and she is only 2 fgs !!

Now I've typed presents so many times I feel a bit ill.

So tell me, AIB bah humbug U or is DH?

OP posts:

UnexpectedOrangeInMyStocking · 20/12/2011 11:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mspontipine · 20/12/2011 11:41

"the idea of a mountain of stuff for a 2yo quite distasteful"

Whyever not???!!! IT'S CHRISTMAS!!!

It's the way our parents did it and how we do it with ds now 9. It won't last forever, a couple of years and you can be giving them if that's what you want but for now... Enjoy the magic

Jinsel · 20/12/2011 11:43

We have always given one major present from us and everything else we buy comes from Father Christmas and arrives in a huge stocking outside their doors. Gifts from relatives are just that and go under the tree.

I'm not arsed either way about who gets 'credit' for the gift. It's all about the giving - no?

diddl · 20/12/2011 11:44

"Diddl - see the OP"

Oops!
Guilty of skim reading.

OP-what do the givers want to do-surely it´s up to them whether or not their presents come from FC?

FatherBartimas · 20/12/2011 11:54

For everyone who does the "all presents delivered by FC" - does that mean you don't put out presents until Christmas eve? We always had stockings from FC and presents under the tree from mum and dad or sibling (no other family). I LOVED seeing the pile of presents under the tree grow in the run-up to Christmas. Makes the tree look so much nicer!

(and we weren't allowed to touch them and obeyed!)

TimothyClaypoleLover · 20/12/2011 11:59

That is right FatherBartimas, presents get put out Christmas eve. There are however other presents under the tree from family and friends so it does not look bare.

Caz10 · 20/12/2011 18:39

troisgarcons - thank you letters - a whole different can of MN worms !

There will be ten threads on them by monday won't there?!

(I am in the absolutely yes they must be done camp, just for the record!)

pranma · 20/12/2011 18:47

Well I like all my pressies for dgc to be from Santa as are the ones from Mummy and Daddy and other dgp-less close relatives send gifts from themselves and are thanked appropriately.We put a label saying eg:'Pranma told Santa that dgs would like x'That way we are thanked for ideas and input but no one is comparing who spent what :)

pinkhebe · 20/12/2011 18:53

It changes every year here, as I can never remember what we did the year before!!

But generally this year main present is from us, all other smaller items from us are from santa (boys are 11 and 8 - I suspect that they know )

We then go to my Mums and receive gifts from them and my sister, boxing day we visit in laws and receive gifts from them.

No presents are under the tree until xmas morning

FabbyChic · 20/12/2011 18:55

Everything we ever got off of my parents was from Father Christmas we never had stockings.

jenniferturkington · 20/12/2011 19:09

I'm with your DH on this one I'm afraid. In our house, the presents (stocking and tree) are from FC. Later in the day relatives might give them presents too- obviously these aren't from FC.
While they are young enough to believe in Santa, they are too young to think about the aspect of 'I earn the wage by going to work therefore I buy the presents'. When they stop believing then they are probably old enough to have an understanding of the value of money and where it comes from.

birdsofshoreandsea · 20/12/2011 19:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

justcallmemummypig · 20/12/2011 19:37

oakmaiden - fair point i guess we are in a lucky position where we can afford their requests.

Mine write a letter (not a list!) and dd says we can't be greedy and ask for too many things, so they chose 3 things, of which they get 2.

webwiz · 20/12/2011 20:26

birdsofshoreandsea my DCs are 20, 18 and 15 and none of those things happened. As for 4) they do twig that it must be mum and dad once they stop believing.

Me and DH have always agreed how to do Christmas and it evolved as the DCs got older. I don't have an opinion on people doing it differently its just irrelevant if you've established your own traditions.

whackamole · 20/12/2011 21:55

Stocking presents IMO should be the small ones - hair clips, socks, slippers and the like.

A mountain of presents is fine but she should know who they are from so she can say thank you.

maybenow · 20/12/2011 21:58

santa presents HAVE to be opened early (7-8am) and not kept till later, but if you want the present the gps contributed to to be opened with them later then take it out of the FC/stanta pile and make it a 'family' present.

when i was younger i got santa presents and 'other family' presents (nothing labelled as from mum and dad)

Oakmaiden · 20/12/2011 22:06

Now you see, I am a meanie and make my children wait to open their Santa presents too.

Entirely selfishness, I just love to watch them open their presents. I spend the entire of December looking forward to it.

coldwed · 20/12/2011 22:07

I haven't read your thread (too long) but I think he is being unreasonable.

Original poster

kindling · 20/12/2011 22:26

Thanks everyone for all the replies and different views. Wow! DH is chuffed that so many people agree but it proves that there are plenty of traditions and it's up to us to establish our own way of doing things.

It's made me realise how much I love that DH is so intent conveying the magic to DD even if it's not how I would do it. We still have to work out how to play it as DD gets older but I definitely want DD to realise how lucky she is and want to teach her to appreciate the smaller things. Also like the idea of FC bringing the presents and taking advice on what presents to get etc. For the time being will try to rein in my humbug tendencies and just make sure that DD knows to thank family for their presents.

OP posts:

confuddledDOTcom · 21/12/2011 01:14

If Santa brings all the presents - how do you stop everything being opened at once?

We do open all the presents that FC brings in the morning, any that other people bring we open when they bring them. What's wrong with opening them all together in the morning? If we didn't want them all opened we'd tell them which ones they could open. Simple.

i don't get why anyone would want the credit for it, they have plenty of time to learn value of money.

It's not just financial credit, I want my children to know I was the one who thought about them and what they'd want. I don't want them to think someone else brought them this huge stack of gifts and I didn't. We're the parents not Father Christmas! And as others have said if they don't come from me then he's a pretty unfair person! I love that I can explain to my 5yo how the two presents she's asked for are going to take up half of my budget so she's getting less than other years and she understands that.

Can't believe how many people are being competitive with FC! Kids find out the truth so early these days that it will only be a 5-6 years of FC at most.

I'm not, I'm just doing what my parents did. It's how I grew up, it worked and it's how I want to do it with my children. No different to you. Just like you don't understand the other side, I don't understand your side. Believing that FC is some sort of magical mailman (with a sleigh and 8 reindeer) doesn't mean that they lose out on any magic, actually there's more IMO because they can never figure out how their presents get to FC - did Mummy actually take it all the way to the North Pole? They help wrap presents for other people then it gets sent to FC! I was older than 5 or 6 - in fact my younger brother worked it out first - and my 5 year old is not showing any signs of changing her mind.

BigBaubledBertha · 21/12/2011 01:57

When I said earlier that FC brings all the presents I meant from parents not anybody else - that I do find a bit odd, that FC should bring every single present. I can't work out whether some of you are even going as far as to take off the labels and pretend that nothing comes from anybody else or whether FC is just a glorified courier who magically gets hold of all the presents for the DC and delivers them all at once. It would be pretty difficult to pass off presents as from FC in our house, when the DSs had seen them arrive in the post with gift tags on them with the senders' name. Plus the sender needs to be thanked.

However, as a parent I don't need thanking nor do I need to explain why they can't have everything they want. I just tell them that FC has a lot of children to give to and he can't give everybody everything they want. No other explanation is necessary. I think if the DC are asking questions that go beyond that explanation they are already working out that FC doesn't exist so you might as well give up pretending. Mine never thought to ask why we didn't buy them anything either. They were absorbed in the fairy tale and because we are usually able to get the thing they want most they don't care that we didn't get anything (although we do get something now) and they really enjoy sharing their surprise. It wouldn't be the same if they thought we already knew what all the parcels were - it would stop being something we shared in the same way.

As for not having gifts under the tree - even though FC delivers all their presents, there are still presents to other people under the tree, and the DC know what they are. They know they are for other people so they don't touch them but the tree still looks pretty.

clippityclop · 21/12/2011 02:59

Late I know but here's how we do it here with DDx2 now 10 & 7- letter to Santa (helped them do it right from 2) with no more than two special requests, or one and a polite request for a surprise if the first idea isn't available etc. Can't be doing with 'lists', it's supposed to be fun and not just about having mountains of stuff. Thank heavens the girls appreciate this so far. Santa leaves these usually unwrapped by the fireplace maybe with some surprises for the family to share (tin of sweets, board/wii game) or in their stockings at the end of the bed. Stockings are opened together on mum and dad's bed v. early. Presents from each other next over breakfast, and then gifts from friends/family as the day progresses. Carrots, milk/sherry and in recent years cookies made by our eldest are left out on Christmas eve. Youngest says she wants to make him cake this year too, and so be it. She always opens the front door wide and shouts thank you too. Her idea, her Christmas.

LinusVanPelt · 21/12/2011 03:18

duckdodgers I got the impression that the poster you quoted meant that her dd might ask for an actual racing car or rocket. I don't think she meant that the toy versions would be ott for a girl.

sashh · 21/12/2011 05:29

Every family has their own traditions / ways of doing things. For a lot of children everything is from santa, and then as they get older some is from santa some is from relatives.

Personally I like the idea of a stocking in the morning and presents from family later. It just keeps the excitement of 'what will I get' going a bit longer.

Some people have santa deliver presents from family alongside presents from sant himself.

Some people put family gifts under the tree (if you have one) and santa bring additional ones.

Just go with what you feel like.

ben5 · 21/12/2011 05:38

everything is from santa. the kids are little for such a short time. it was like this when i was a child and i have carried it on for my ds's

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