To think that DH is going way over the top about Father Christmas

[kindling]

DH is loving the idea of reliving the magic of his childhood Christmas with DD (2.6) now that she is starting to understand and knows who Father Christmas is. This is how DH thinks Christmas Day should be: We get up when DD gets up (hopefully not too early - after 7am) and tell her that we should go to see if Father Christmas has been (mince pie crumbs, nibbled carrot etc). DD then gets to open her stocking and presents from Father Christmas. No presents from us as these are the ones from Father Christmas apparently. Any presents from family will be opened later that day when DD's grandparents are up (10-11). Apparently this is 'how it's done'.

DH says it's all about DD being excited that Father Christmas has been and what he has left her, and is adamant that the the best bits i.e. the instantly recognisable stuff that she will love (set of Peppa Pig stuff and a baby doll), should be 'from Father Christmas' i.e. and not from Granny and Grandpa (even though they have contributed some money for me to get her some bits that she will like).

Is this normal? It's all new to me as my family are not Christian and didn't make much of a fuss about Christmas/Father Christmas when I was younger (though we did have presents). I just assumed DD could have a few stocking bits early but that we would wait to all be together with family before opening the rest, including any 'Father Christmas presents', so that the grandparents can share the wonder / excitement / joy etc with her.

I also think that a stocking and one 'big' present is more than enough to come from Father christmas and find the idea of a mountain of stuff for a 2yo quite distasteful. I don't want to rain on DH's parade but I think that we're in danger of trying to whip DD up into a frenzy about presents and the importance of 'stuff' already and she is only 2 fgs !!

Now I've typed presents so many times I feel a bit ill.

So tell me, AIB bah humbug U or is DH?

YABU, it doesn't sound as if you have any traditions set in place already so why not let DH have his fun if he's so excited about it. You don't need to take any credit for the presents, they'll figure out who actually got them when they're older.

santa brought all the presents for me as a child. Theres no point to the story if he didnt. There is plenty of time for them to be from other people when they grow out of the story.

i also got spoiled rotten but for the rest of the year i very rarely got new toys. christmas was essentially my new toys for the next year. i didn't need to say thank you as family saw in my reactions how grateful i was to santa and everything.

And alot of people here do not seem to realize that they are santa. So it isn't like you do not get appreciated. You are santa for your child. I fail to understand how competitive people are about needing their child to know who got what and that they get more than santa

santa absolutely blew me away as a child. Waiting for him was extremely magical and fun and i have not grown up spoilt and ungrateful.

Here the stockings and one big present are from FC (so they don't get anything from us), but presents from GPs etc are from the sender. We don't tend to go over the top on presents. My kids are beyond excited though!

As your DD is so young, she won't remember from this year how it works next year. So you can try things this year and see how it goes, and develop your traditions over the next year or two. That's what we did when our DCs were younger.

I think OP you need to sit down and discuss tis with your DH. First point out to him there are lots of different ways of doing it, show him this thread and the other Christmas stocking ones if you need to. Ask him about what he did as a child.
Point out you are making new traditions as a family.
Then ask him about what values he wants her to grow up with? Does he want her to be the teenager who will only dress from "Jack Wills" and doesn't understand that things cost and have to be worked for? Do you want a house full of crap? Do you want to never keep anything, but be continually giving toys away to charity (a friend does this)? Does he want her to grow up learning to say thank you for presents to the giver?
Also small children may get over excited and wake in the small hours. They frequently get bored opening stuff, and don't appreciate the later ones as much as the first (just get into the routine of I must open this, and don't even look at what they are opening). That is why Stocking and Tree presents opened at different times is a good idea. Also I have known my kids when not very well, still to be opening presents 3 days later, and they didn't have that many that year.
Presents can also be practical, we always have clothes, PJs, bubble bath etc.

When my DD was little, we used to do the "all pressies from Santa" thing.

Then, when she was about 6, she burst into tears one morning, because she had santa presents and granny presents and grandad presents and even a present from her brother, but she had nothing from her mummy and daddy. She was very upset, and I felt as though my heart had been ripped out.

Now we have stocking presents from Santa plus a few bits under the tree, and the rest from whomever has provided it!

However, as we move into the non-believer territory, (dcs are all older and younger one has declared that he no longer believes) - now we revert back to Santa on the label. The kids know its from us, but we keep up the pretence. Actually, I keep up the pretense. For me. Because I am a big kid!.

We put out mince pie, milk, carrots and a bucket of water for Father Christmas and his reindeer (my dad called me last evening to say my eldest - who's been over there - has been talking about what was eaten last year so what needs to go out this year) and check to see if it's gone in the morning. We open our presents together, all labeled from the right people (nothing from FC he's just the postman!) except for ours because I coordinate the wrap rather than write out loads of tags.

The night before we open presents that FC left, which is new PJs to wear but I don't say they're from him.

After breakfast/ play with toys/ clear up paper we go to church together and then back to my parents for dinner where other people in our family might join us.

Our children are excited that he came because he brings presents, whoever's name is on them. I want our children to know it's us who love them and think about them at Christmas, I'm not giving him any more credit than I have to! Besides which I don't want to lie outright like that, FC is euphemism here - like me asking Dad last night if he could deliver some presents to FC, which meant take them to his house or when we say we're going to talk to FC it means we're going shopping. I don't want the children to know where the presents are kept and I don't want to tell them why they can't come out with me when I go shopping with Nanny.

Let your dh have his fun. Your dd is hid daughter too, and his enjoyment of his own child is more important than that of the Grandparents.

I would be fuming if anyone told me I couldn't have Christmas the way I wanted it because of my parents or my dh's parents. As his traditions have been stronger than yours, and he obviosuly has more 'magical memories' than you do, it is his feelings that should take priority.

The Grandparents can given their own present, and you can give your own present and FC can give the rest. That's what we have always done, I don't like all the presents coming from FC, because children grow up knowing that I buy presents for people and they see other people giving us presents, so I think it seems strange to tell them that other people swop presents but only FC gives to them.

One present from father christmas here. On tv programmes and in books the children get one present from him. And I don't want the boys to think it's unfair that he brings lots of presents for some children and only one for others.

Father Christmas brought everything here, well thats the point of him isn't it. Gradually as the DC got older presents from family members were separated out and then when they didn't believe any more they obviously knew things were from us. All a gradual transition without anyone being spoilt or materialist.

DD1 asked me last year how I managed to buy everything and wrap it without her realising that I was doing it (she's 20 now). She was seriously impressed with my organisational skills .

I've just read the comment about there being no magic if it's not from FC. Well I can tell you for a fact that my Christmases were still full of magic as a child, I was still excited that he was coming because he was bringing presents from my parents! He still comes in a magic sleigh pulled by magic reindeer and that's how my presents arrived! How can there not be magic in that?

My mum's parents have always done Christmas with us as she's an only child, they come over after church and give us our presents after dinner, we know that some people like to keep their presents to give themselves rather than sending to FC. Now we see OH's parents on Boxing Day and they have all the presents from them and his siblings.

The only credit I want people to get from my children is that they're loved and people think about them. It doesn't matter what it cost. My eldest has said about presents that Nanny and Grandad (or whoever) love her lots and that's why she got it.

I was thinking about this yesterday and agree it doesn't seem quite right to give everything from FC. I want my dd to know who presents are from and think for us that the idea of a stocking and one big present from FC is the right balance.

I'm def not in the camp of those that think your DH should be given free rein as his memories more magical than yours. It's got to be something that you are both comfortable with.

Saying that I happen to know that your DH and mine are quite similar so may well be a disagreement over here too

It's really interesting reading how everyone else 'does' christmas. I have always just bought stuff from Santa reserving one present from us which goes under the tree with grandparents presents etc...I do it this way because this is how my parents did it, DH doesn't agree as his family did the Santa just delivers stuff from everyone else type christmas. However I am the one who organises, buys and wraps everything so we do it my way!

Increasingly over the last few years I have been questioning whether this way works anymore. It worked fine for my parents in the seventies and it worked fine when my DD was little in the nineties. I find currently with my DS's it doesn't work as well with the 10 and 7 year old because they tend to want electronic stuff and games, two xbox games can cost about 80 pounds. When DD was small 100 pounds would fill a sack with lots of stuff, I find I can still do this with the four yr old but for how long?

Obviously I could do it with the older boys if I bought them different stuff but the whole point of christmas is receiving some of the things you want. We are fortunate to be fairly comfortable financially but in recent years the cost of christmas has bothered me more (maybe its my age) and I have given up on the Santa myth for everyone except the four year old. My 7yr old is sceptical anyway and he has to understand if he wants an ipod touch (much coverted item) it is expensive and he can't have much else.

I often wonder how long the Santa tradition will last and whether in a 100 years historians will be discussing it as some quaint, bygone tradition.

it isn't really about being reasonable or unreasonable - at this age of your fledgling family its about establishing your own Christmas traditions that you are both happy to compromise on.

For us it is Nanny stays the night and gets up with the stocking opening around 6am (she a 10-11er normally!) Santa brings a stocking. There are a combination of small stuff and more expensive stuff but nothing really big. One present from family allowed after stocking presents have been played with (say 9am) then present swapping after lunch with whomever is coming for Xmas lunch.

If Santa brings all the presents - how do you stop everything being opened at once?

Wanting your child to know you bought them presents at Xmas as did other friends and family isn't about wanting to "take credit" in our house, its about establishing a gift giving culture. About it being nice to think about what people would like and give it to them if you can, about taking the time to wrap things and make cards. Its about family not just Santa.

And you can see already that most people have a slightly different wrinkle on how to do Christmas and my guess is that everyone thought Christmas was magical as a child.

We do the "all the presents are from Santa" because we have no money - the Santa presents require year round juggling and budgeting - and quite a lot of the time we have to say no when the DCs want things. They get one birthday gift from us, and not a lot of "treats" the rest of the time. At Christmas they think Santa brings the presents because we couldn't afford to get those things. They usually get one thing they really really want, and they do put a lot of thought into what it is, since they know this will be "The One" so to speak. we write our letters to Santa nice and early, and so far he has always managed to bring their gift, along with a few smaller bits and a stocking. That's just how we do it.
Presents from family members either go under the tree on Christmas Eve if they're here, or they get them on Christmas Day when we see people.

We have always worked it so FC gives the presents in the stocking and the rest are from whoever they are from. This is not so much a "taking credit" thing as a way to explain why some people get more than others. It is not fair if FC brings cousins an XBox and mine a board game, but if the children know the presents are from us, and that aunt/uncle can afford an XBox and we can't then it makes more sense to them.

Even then - my daughter recently had to write about her "happiest moment" at school and wrote about coming downstairs on Christmas Day and seeing the tree all lit up in the dark, with presents underneath it -we do make a big deal about all going downstairs together. It doesn't have to be all from FC to be a magical moment.

i love the way everyone does it so differently.. OP you do sound a bit bah humbug to me sorry!

we do stocking (book, chocolate, dvd and a couple of £5ish things) from fc plus the one "big" thing they really want, this year a batcave for ds and moshi treehouse for dd - i don't get why anyone would want the credit for it, they have plenty of time to learn value of money.

we open these first thing (gp's come night before so they get to see it all too) then after lunch and a walk we come back and do the presents under the tree, theres a couple from us for them and the ones from the gp's..

anything else they get given from a few friends stays under the tree is opened boxing day to spread it out a bit.

OP you need to talk to dh and start making your own family traditions, christmas is a minefield!

I don't think it's fair to say that 'as his traditions are stronger than yours' etc he's got more of a claim on how the day goes. Lots of people don't realise how strongly they feel about something until it comes time to make a decision about it in relation to their children.

OP - you 'just assumed' something about how the day would go, so did your DH and you just have to negotiate it now. You're both entitled to a say.

But you are not being unreasonable about the scale and quantity of presents. I could go on at length about the 'magic of xmas' supposedly being linked to presents/having a packed tree. Also, I agree it's not fair for other people's presents to be from FC.

"Also, I agree it's not fair for other people's presents to be from FC."

Surely nobody does this-unless asked to do so by the giver?

mummypig they have plenty of time to learn value of money.

Well, yes and no. The thing is that the traditions you start when your children are small will probably remain as they grow older. My daughter is now 8 and an still and ardent believer in FC - but is quite old enough to understand that we have to budget fro Christmas and that she can't just ask for expensive toys and expect to get them - that we can't afford it. It would be much harder to explain to her why FC can bring her best friend the Lego Hogwarts Castle she wants so desperately, but won't bring one to her. Whereas because the main presents have ALWAYS been from us she can understand when I say we just can't afford it.

I just think you need to think ahead to what Christmas is going to be like for a primary school child as well as for a toddler...

blooming typing "...and still AN ardent believer..."

Diddl - see the OP

"DH says it's all about DD being excited that Father Christmas has been and what he has left her, and is adamant that the the best bits i.e. the instantly recognisable stuff that she will love (set of Peppa Pig stuff and a baby doll), should be 'from Father Christmas' i.e. and not from Granny and Grandpa (even though they have contributed some money for me to get her some bits that she will like). "

DD is 4 and the last 2 years she's asked for something for FC and that is what he brings her (assuming it's not a racing car or a rocket or something completely ott.

Whats wrong with a girl getting a racing car or rocket?

He sounds a bit silly. But the father christmas lie really irritates me anyway.

FC brings what was asked for in their letter. My DCs all do their letters together and they ask me if I think what they want to ask for is reasonable, I offer an opinion and they actually listen (probably the only time they do....) if I think they have asked for something that will be impossible to bring on the sleigh. This year they each asked for three things, the most expensive was £20 I think if I'd had to buy it instead of the elves making it :)

When I grew up all the presents from mum and dad were from FC and that is how I will be doing it with DD. I have grown up appreciating the value of money and leading a well rounded life so all these fears of kids not understanding the value of money if they think all presents are free is nonsense. We also left the drink, mince pie and carrott for FC and Rudolph and because we didn't have a chimney the fairy from the top of the tree let FC in the front door!

Can't believe how many people are being competitive with FC! Kids find out the truth so early these days that it will only be a 5-6 years of FC at most.

It is interesting though how everyone does things so differently. DH's family never did the whole FC thing and he really feels like he missed out when my family tell him all the stories of our childhood Christmases.