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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my 5 year old that she should send Christmas cards to everyone in her class, not just her friends.

100 replies

corlan · 19/12/2011 20:49

It just goes against the spirit of goodwill to all to exclude people at Christmas. I quoted Tiny Tim's 'God bless us, every one!' and tried to get through to her that it's the season of goodwill to ALL men, but she's not having it!

I work on a team of about 12 people and I send cards to them all even the ones I don't much care for! I probably get cards from about 5 of them but I don't care - it's just a really simple and easy way to spread some cheer.

Does anyone else feel this way or am I being a total muppet?

OP posts:
SuePurblybiltbyElves · 19/12/2011 20:50

Bit late surely? Are they not all broken up now?
We do the whole class but that's ten children, so no trouble really.

Original poster
corlan · 19/12/2011 21:00

There's still a few schools going round here but tomorrow's the last day and there's 30 in the class.

OP posts:
GwendolineMaryLacedwithBrandy · 19/12/2011 21:01

You're being muppet. Why would you send a card to someone you don't like?

cece · 19/12/2011 21:03

We haven't broken up but if she is writing them then it is up to her who she sends them to surely.

My DC certainly only send them to their firends. But I don't really get involved in it, just give them a box of 30 cards. It is up to them who they send them to.

superduperdiva · 19/12/2011 21:07

I would say YABU.

Unless you want to turn your DC into a people pleaser.

Let her send them to friends only.

Flubba · 19/12/2011 21:15

Total muppet (your words, not mine Xmas Wink) - I definitely advocate sending cards to your friends rather than the whole blinking class! Especially as I'm the one making and sending them.

Your situation working with 12 colleagues is different to your DD being in a class of 30.

How old is she?

IneedAChristmasNickname · 19/12/2011 21:23

My DCs school don't finish until Weds.
Both my children (7and5) sent cards to whoever they wanted. DS2, made a few, 3 of them were for the same person Xmas Grin

Nevertooearlyforcake · 19/12/2011 21:29

We sent to all 20. The kids have only just started school, not leaving anyone out - that way at least all the kids will get at least one card from someone. Gets her practicing writing everyone's nam ad well

Only give to my immediate team at work tho...

Nyx · 19/12/2011 21:29

I'd say let her give to just her friends if she wants. My DD (also 5) was doing cards tonight, she was adamant that each one had to have a picture drawn by herself inside ("so, X likes football" - draws footballer. "Y likes...running really fast...Mummy, how do you draw really fast runners?") This was taking forever, she'd done about 6 when I asked who was getting cards. Apparently all of them. Groan. We did half tonight and will do the rest tomorrow night, they finish up on Thursday.

Miette · 19/12/2011 21:35

I think writing cards becomes a real chore after a while. I don't mind doing it at my age, but i think it gets a bit much for primary age kids when they get homework too and there are 30 in their class plus other friends in their year. I just gave them a box of cards and let them write which ones they want until they'd had enough. (Age 4 and 7.) I couldn;t be bothered to write extra ones myself for them when i have had plenty of my own to do. I'm assuming that the kids will get so many cards that they won't really notice who hasn't sent them. I hope not anyway. I certainly don't have a clue who has not sent to them.

MenopausalHaze · 19/12/2011 21:40

Muppet. It's all very well giving cards to people you don't much like - but worth remembering that they might not much like you either. That being so I doubt it's Christmas cheer you're spreading - more like giving them an excuse to call you a - errrr - muppet and toss the card in the bin which is what I would do!

Callisto · 19/12/2011 21:45

DD (6) did cards for her class (26 in all). It is much kinder to include everyone imo.

Menopausal, you sound delightful. Hmm

ChooChooWowWow · 19/12/2011 21:46

YABU, my dc choose who to write and send cards to.

I don't get the mums who write cards for their dc. If mine want to send cards they write them themselves, I've got enough to do.

RozziB · 19/12/2011 21:48

Dc's school doesn't break off until Friday. Our school asks that children send in one card to the whole class, ds does this but dd gives one to class then seperate cards to her close friends. I would let her give to just her friends if she wishes i see no point in forcing her to give to everyone in the class if she doesn't want to do it.

TeamSledward · 19/12/2011 21:51

I think you have to remember that these are children we're talking about.
In my class of 20, all the children who sent cards (some didn't send any) sent them to every other child in the class. Only one child didn't send cards to everyone, it was very obvious who received a card, and those children who didn't were quite hurt.
5/6/7yo want to be liked, want to be part of something and don't like to be left out.
Totally fine for adults to not send cards to people they don't like (although petty IMHO) but for children, I think a card needs to go to everyone.

Original poster
corlan · 19/12/2011 22:00

Just call me Kermit Blush.

I think I'll leave it up to her then. I probably do have deep psychological issues over Christmas as a time of forgiveness and good-will caused by watching 'A Christmas Carol' too may times.

Anyway, Thanks for all your advice and God bless you, every one of you. Xmas Wink

OP posts:
CocktailQueen · 19/12/2011 22:07

YABU - I let my ds (age 4) choose who he wanted to send cards to.

And dd received a present from a girl in her class who has been a real madam all this year and had dd in tears on many an occasion - she didn't get a present back!

PicaK · 19/12/2011 22:08

Insisting on her thinking about other people and how they might feel if they don't get a card? Surely the only thing a responsible parent can do.

How else is she meant to develop empathy?

Totally shocked that people would let their kids pick and choose.
You are not a Muppet and YANBU.

MenopausalHaze · 19/12/2011 22:15

Yes callisto. I am delightful. I also cannot abide idiots so - ummm - yeah, well, that's it really. I suppose I should tell you not to worry yourself overly. Ok. Don't worry yourself overly.

HTH

Miette · 19/12/2011 22:16

TeamSledward. Why was it obvious who had received a card? Are the cards not just put in the children's book bag every day once the postbox is put out?

IneedAChristmasNickname · 19/12/2011 22:18

I have no idea who my sons have/haven't recieved cards from, and as they haven't mentioned that xyandz haven't sent them one, I'm not sure they have noticed either!

TeamSledward · 19/12/2011 22:23

The cards are delivered and put in book bags at lunchtime, so they all open their cards during Reading Time Hmm. Obviously, it's not normally an issue, because most children send everyone a card.

Hulababy · 19/12/2011 22:25

So long as she isn't deliberately just excluding one or two childrem then I would let her write them to just her friends.

3cutedarlings · 19/12/2011 22:26

YANBU!!!! far from it!

Thank god for mums like you! i think all schools should say send to everyone or not at all.!

My DD has ASD, and EVERY year she sends cards to every child in her class, plus a few others. She sent around 40 cards and wrote them all out her self it took her HOURS she hates writing with passion, but she stuck at it and did them over a few evenings. The cards get handed out on the last day of school for them to take home, my DD received 8 cards and 4 of them were from school staff Sad (dinner lady, admin, TAs, class teacher).

Is it really so hard for children and parents to understand that some children get left out of EVERYTHING parties, play dates ects, and it would be nice that for just once they weren't?.

Why is it so hard for you DC to write out 30 cards? Hmm or if they are unable to do them their selves why would you as there parent not do them? it would take you 20 mins half an hour TOPS! and help safe an awful lot of heart ache for some kids

Some of the replies on here are just vile!!

WhoKnowsWhereTheMistletoes · 19/12/2011 22:28

I think either to the whole class or just to a few closest friends, a bit like party invitations, but absolutely no to sending them to most of the class and just leaving out the ones your DC doesn't like.

I don't know how you would know either? Our school don't do a postal run, they just give them to each other in the morning when they are putting their book bags away etc and it is usually pretty chaotic then anyway.