Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my 5 year old that she should send Christmas cards to everyone in her class, not just her friends.

100 replies

corlan · 19/12/2011 20:49

It just goes against the spirit of goodwill to all to exclude people at Christmas. I quoted Tiny Tim's 'God bless us, every one!' and tried to get through to her that it's the season of goodwill to ALL men, but she's not having it!

I work on a team of about 12 people and I send cards to them all even the ones I don't much care for! I probably get cards from about 5 of them but I don't care - it's just a really simple and easy way to spread some cheer.

Does anyone else feel this way or am I being a total muppet?

OP posts:
Miette · 19/12/2011 22:29

Ditto IneedAChristmasNickname. Do people give their kids all their cards and a class list and get them to go through the list and tick off who has sent them a card or something? I can imagine in a small class it might be obvious who has not sent a card. But with 60 in a year plus cards from the teachers and TAs?

LingDiLong · 19/12/2011 22:30

YANBU. Handing out cards to everyone won't hurt anybody, leaving people out could be potentially hurtful.

Teaching children to think of others and have empathy is a wonderful thing OP.

redwineformethanks · 19/12/2011 22:31

OP - I think it's very thoughtful of you.

3cutedarlings - I'd suggest you give out your cards earlier. If I knew my DS got a card from someone, I'd make an effort to ensure that child got one back, even it wasn't someone that DS was especially friendly with

IneedAChristmasNickname · 19/12/2011 22:37

I bought my children a box of cards each. DS1 (7, in year3) told me all the names he could remember/wanted to send to. I wrote them down, and he sent them. If he remembered more we added to the list and wrote them too.
DS2 (5, in reception) was given a class list from his teacher. However I haven't had a chance to sit down and do them with him, but when we were at craft club last week, he wanted to make some for his 'girlfriends' (he has 3 at his school) 3 of the 5 cards were for the same girl!
If I have a chance tomorrow, we will sit down and write them to the rest of his class.

mickeyjohn · 19/12/2011 22:38

60 kids in DD1s year (reception) I doubt she evens knows all their names!! We just did the 10 or so close friends that she had, and she got a couple on the last day of term from people we hadn't given them too. ooops. Such is life! I ain't got time to help a 5 year old write 60 cards!!!!

3cutedarlings · 19/12/2011 22:39

redwine we dont get a choice, our cards were done and posted (school christmas post box) the first week of December, our school just hand them out on the last day of school. Its so that the children arnt pissing around opening cards at the start of EVERY day.

No the long and the short of it is, that DD isnt really friends with many children, and the vast majority of parent/children cant be arsed to think about others.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 19/12/2011 22:48

My boys haven't written cards for everyone in the class. I gave them a box of cards and let them get on with it. Larger boy has sent about 5, smaller boy about 8, although he hasn't managed to hand them out yet, they're still in his bookbag and it's the last day tomorrow. Do people really check? Will we be on some sort of "doesn't send cards to everyone" list?

3cutedarlings · 19/12/2011 22:53

Hell of a lot of lazy parents out there me thinks. Seriously would it really hurt for you to spent 10 mins each day for a few nights and get them done? think of the extra hand writing practise!!

exoticfruits · 19/12/2011 22:54

Cards seem to make a great fuss. I can't say that mine were in the least bothered about how many they sent or how many they received. There is no way they would have sat down and written 30. DS said very early on-'I can't see the point of writing 'from Josh' and getting one back saying 'from Ben'-he hasn't sent any since. He is now 18yrs and still never sends any.

catsareevil · 19/12/2011 23:03

Its a huge waste of card to send xmas cards to everyone in a class. All those cards and envelopes go straight in the recycling or the bin after xmas.
Some school encourage children to bring in 1 card, for the whole class which can be displayed on the wall, which sounds a lot better than every child writing cards for the whole class.

IneedAChristmasNickname · 19/12/2011 23:04

3cutedarlings It would if I don't have a spare 10mins! DC have also handmade cards/presents for most relatives, (we have a large family) and presents for the teachers. As well as all the normal non-Christmas related stuff.

exoticfruits · 19/12/2011 23:05

I certainly wouldn't have them spending 10 mins a night on it. I used to have some cards and they chose who to send them to-it was very few. I had 3 DCs so I wasn't going to get 90 cards-I also wouldn't want 90 cards in addition to mine! 10 each at the very most-preferably less.

TararaBOOMdeay · 19/12/2011 23:07

Mine wrote their own, they chose who they wanted to send them to.

Was a very random selection (one sent a card to one twin in the class but not the other, won't that set the cat amongst the pigeons!)

I don't enforce who they send to, nor how many they send, but I'm not a card person so meh.

LondonMumsie · 19/12/2011 23:07

I always say they can write to a small group, all the girls/boys (depending on their gender), or all the class.

DD wanted to write to everyone "except jjj as he is really naughty". There is no way that I think that is acceptable, especially as he seems to really like her and had just invited her to his party! In the end she didn't write to any boys.

exoticfruits · 19/12/2011 23:07

I have been on the Christmas card thread saying I love cards-but I can see people's point if it goes utterly mad with 5 yr olds having to write 30 cards-much better to do a class card to everyone.

WhoKnowsWhereTheMistletoes · 19/12/2011 23:08

I did persuade Ds to do them for all his class the first couple of years, haven't this year, just to his closest friends. Neither him or DD are the least bit interested in who has sent them a card, so it is not very easy to get them enthusiastic about writing them either. I found the ones DS had written still in the bottom of his rucksack after school had ended, we will be taking them to post through the letterboxes this week.

exoticfruits · 19/12/2011 23:10

Mine were never bothered-I used to have to dig them out of book bags.

3cutedarlings · 19/12/2011 23:15

I agree with the one card for the whole class, but it would appear from reading here that very few schools do this, shame as it an excellent idea.

I give up with those of you that cant find them time tbh. How would your child feel if they old got 4 cards from all of their class mates? and how would you feel when your child came out of school in tears on the last day of term? she cant but a brave face on it, she has ASD and has very little self control of her emotions.

This isnt a dig at any of you btw, im just saying how it is for some children.

rogersmellyonthetelly · 19/12/2011 23:30

Yabu. The whole point of Christmas ( other than Christs birth but that seems to be fairly irrelevant to most these days) is peace and goodwill to ALL mankind, not just the ones you like.

WhoKnowsWhereTheMistletoes · 20/12/2011 00:26

Well, I think the school need to ensure that it isn't obvious who gets how many cards, ours just let them hand them out as they arrive in the morning over the last couple of weeks, when everyone is bustling about, so I doubt very much if anyone knows how many anyone else got, unless they actually ask them, it is all kept very low profile. DS (who has ASD) keeps tabs on all sorts of things (he knows what reading level every child in his class is on for example), but he has never mentioned cards so I guess it isn't talked about all that much and I think this system works pretty well. Indeed I have never heard any parent at our school expressing concern that their child is getting upset about it.

3cutedarlings - maybe you could suggest that your school takes steps to make it less obvious that some children get more cards than others?

staylucky · 20/12/2011 04:32

DD sends to all, was the norm from reception (where registration list was handed out for parents so they knew everyones names) and she's never suggested since only writing a few. At 5/6/7 they pretty much all like each other anyway, and even if they didn't no reason to leave anyone out.
Can't belive some of these replies either...raising 'people pleasers'??? wow glad we're not all teaching our kids to sharpen their elbows Hmm

OP YANBU

candide · 20/12/2011 05:07

At our school you put it in a post box and then delivered around the school and don't open till you get home. Both my DCs don't seem much bothered about who has sent them one and who hasn't although they might be if they had none.

I tried doing cards with my DCs when they we 5 and it took forever and DS especially just regarded it as a hideous chore. There is no way i could have got him to write out 30. I decided that rather than put him off for life it was better to send them to the kids he actually played with.

Now they are older (7 & 9) they just write out their own list and send them to who they want to (although I do have a quick look through the list to check for glaring ommissions). I think with 30 in a class its reasonable for kids not to expect one from everyone.

LeMousquetaireAnonyme · 20/12/2011 05:13

YANBU to be thoughtful and to teach your children to include everybody, but
YABU to send so many unwanted cards it is bad for the environment Xmas Wink

exoticfruits · 20/12/2011 07:18

How would your child feel if they old got 4 cards from all of their class mates?

Perfectly happy. DS had a little band of 4 of them in reception so I think he got 3 cards. With 3 DCs I have no intention of buying 90 cards and sending them out. 30 cards had to do for all 3. I can't say that any of them were remotely bothered about cards and as soon as they were old enough not to have me badgering them they didn't send any and still don't.
I am glad that mine are now older and we didn't have all the fuss about cards and parties and huge expectations about both.

troisgarcons · 20/12/2011 07:20

90 kids isn't your childs class, it is the year group.