Am I being unreasonable BF wants to go away for NY- am 19 weeks pregnant!

[bubbles1975]

I am 17 weeks pregnant- Bf wants to go away for NY-we have argued over it- I have told him I am not ok with it- we have had agreed to disagree- going to cool off for a few days and see what happens.

Thing is I think he might just book it regardless of how I feel- I see this as a being disrespectful about us and my feelings particularly if i am carrying his baby- I will be at home whilst he is out.

His argument is that he is going to be a dad soon- he sees this as his last party before he settles down and becomes a father.

He promises to call and keep in touch- we separated earlier this year for a few weeks- so we both know that trust is hard task for us to get back. I feel if he books this knowing how I feel- the only cost I can see is ending it!!!

Am I being unreasonable ?

please help- pregnancy is sending my hormones all over the place- want to try and stay rational about these things :)

I don't understand this idea that in a relationship or family, people shouldn't check with each other before they make plans. I wouldn't dream of making a plan without running it past DH and vice versa. We like to know what each other are doing, to arrange childcare and so on. If DH came home and announced that during his time off in December he has booked to go away for a week leaving me with the children I would be somewhat taken aback.

I don't get why everybody is talking about permission and why the OP's OH shouldn't have to ask permission. He isn't, and she isn't giving or refusing it.

I sometimes wonder if lots of people here live in some kind of house-share type arrangement, where nobody consults on what they're doing, or considers how it might impact on the other partner.

DH and I aren't joined at the hip, far from it, and we do have trips away apart from each other. But I would be a bit p'd off if he fecked off with his mates at new year (pregnant or not).

DH and I want to spend time together, especially over the Christmas holidays, we choose to spend time together because week in week out we are busy and barely have chance to catch our breath. We choose to spend time together when we can because, well...because we like each other, we have fun together, and that's why we got married.

I don't think the OP is being that unreasonable under the circumstances. She wants her OH to want to and to choose to spend NY with here. It's not that weird.

D

knowing you had trust issues why chose to have a baby together?
the trip itself isn't the issue it's your what ifs and that's what needs working at.if your relationship felt stable you wouldnt be anxious about a weekend away

before baby comes,can you two have a cards on table discussion

and now is exactly time to discuss
parental values
finances
length mat leave
nursery or not
division of tasks etc associated with a baby

Nothing like feeling that you have to spend time with someone to make you feel that you don't want to spend that time with them. I like it when DH wants to spend time with me but I don't throw my toys out of the pram or question our love comittment and entire relationship if occassionally something else seems more exciting.

YANBU - I'd be enormously peed off if my OH didn't want to spend NY with me - wherever that was.

New year's eve is only another day - its far too hyped up and always a disappointment. Many times DH and I have spent new year's eve apart as we have been out with friends or more recently one of us has stayed at home looking after the kids. I think its perfectly normal for one party to want to go out with their friends on new year. OP's boyfriend has accepted this will be his last big night away/out with mates due to the responsibility of fatherhood so I think he should be congratulated for this rather than everyone slating him. Yes, there is history but it may be that he has finally grown up.

If you start saying partner must stay with you at christmas and new year you then say they must stay with you for birthdays, valentine, mothers/fathers day, weekends, and it starts to look a bit controlling. It looks from OP's post that this will be a one off so they have plenty of time to be together in the future.

Yanbu, I wouldn't be happy if my dh wanted to go away for New Year without me. Also going away to Dublin at New Year sounds horrendously expensive, he could go away another time to have his last party.

If Op is 17 weeks pregnant now, she will be around 37 weeks come New Years eve.
so on that count YANBU
plus it will be a massive expense just before the baby is born when as others have said he needs to be saving money for his family not spending it.

This thread is a zombie, the op will have had the baby by now