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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being unreasonable BF wants to go away for NY- am 19 weeks pregnant!

110 replies

bubbles1975 · 19/12/2011 00:15

I am 17 weeks pregnant- Bf wants to go away for NY-we have argued over it- I have told him I am not ok with it- we have had agreed to disagree- going to cool off for a few days and see what happens.

Thing is I think he might just book it regardless of how I feel- I see this as a being disrespectful about us and my feelings particularly if i am carrying his baby- I will be at home whilst he is out.

His argument is that he is going to be a dad soon- he sees this as his last party before he settles down and becomes a father.

He promises to call and keep in touch- we separated earlier this year for a few weeks- so we both know that trust is hard task for us to get back. I feel if he books this knowing how I feel- the only cost I can see is ending it!!!

Am I being unreasonable ?

please help- pregnancy is sending my hormones all over the place- want to try and stay rational about these things :)

OP posts:
JarethTheGoblinKing · 19/12/2011 01:35

agg.. sorry

you didn't need that.

"I'd be mightily peed off if the man who chose me to make a baby with decided that he'd rather be off with his mates than see in the New Year with the woman who'll be giving birth to his child in 2012. "

"I would be feeling exactly the same as you are if I were in this situation. YANBU."

Yes... Men aren't allowed to live lives once they take the decision to procreate. they must sit next to their women and Look After Them.

FFS..

JarethTheGoblinKing · 19/12/2011 01:36

x-posts.

So it's a trust thing, rather than a timing issue with pregnancy? :(

Sorry x

izzywhizzysmincepies · 19/12/2011 01:37

O dear - I inadvertently omitted a vital off that should be inserted thus: 'If he wanted to bugger off for a few days.

JarethTheGoblinKing · 19/12/2011 01:41

Xmas Grin izzy]

izzywhizzysmincepies · 19/12/2011 01:43

I fully accept that my opinion in this instance is coloured by sentiment on my part.

IMO Christmas Eve/Christmas Day and New Year's Eve are but 3 dates out of 365 that should, where possible, be spent with one's nearest and dearest.

Original poster
bubbles1975 · 19/12/2011 01:44

Jareth- i am sorry your sad news- yep your right I don't need a babysitter. my 20wk scan 1st week in Jan.

I guess I just thought he would want to spend NY seeing it in together- rather than getting up too mischief with a bunch of lads in Dublin.

OP posts:
izzywhizzysmincepies · 19/12/2011 01:44

I know what I'd like to insert in this particular manchild's rectum, Jareth Xmas Wink

Wongamum · 19/12/2011 01:53

Yes... Men aren't allowed to live lives once they take the decision to procreate. they must sit next to their women and Look After Them..

If the father of my unborn child thought that spending the New Year with the Amazing woman who is going to bear his child is not 'living life' I would like the OP be questioning whether this relationship was worth sticking with for the long term.

AnxiousElephant · 19/12/2011 01:58

At 19 weeks pg I say go with him! Like others have said it would be different at 38 weeks, but at 19 why not? Unless he hasn't invited you, in which case YANBU!

AnxiousElephant · 19/12/2011 02:05

Sorry I misinterpreted the op. Sorry he is being CU not spending NY with you imo. I thought you had chosen not to go. I would say either I come with you or you stay with me. I agree about spending the new year with your nearest and dearest.

JarethTheGoblinKing · 19/12/2011 02:05

Thanks bubbles.. sorry for raining crap on your thread.. :)

Bloody hell.. Hmm
Well.. You know what. I used to 'let' Hmm my man do whatever the actual fuck he wanted on NYE. Now we have kids I expect him to have a dull night watching fucking Jools Holland like the rest of us. Certainly wouldn't have begrudged him one last child-free piss up in the name of seeing in the new year Grin

Wongamum · 19/12/2011 02:10

OP isn't begrudging him a child-free piss up! They don't have any children yet! Hmm

JarethTheGoblinKing · 19/12/2011 02:13

Wongamum - that makes no sense.

xyfactor · 19/12/2011 02:18

Has he asked you to go with him?

tigerlillyd02 · 19/12/2011 02:21

I don't see the problem. Being in a relationship, even with a child on the way doesn't mean you have to spend your entire life just fixed to that one person.

Wongamum · 19/12/2011 02:26

I don't think the OP is asking for much from her boyfriend. She is only asking for him to spend the New Year with her. She is not asking him to spend his entire life fixed to her because she is having a baby.

JarethTheGoblinKing · 19/12/2011 02:31

The point is that nobody needs to ask Hmm

FFS.. either she goes with him or not. OP - enjoy the night on your own - you wont have them at all soon! Xmas Grin

AmberLeaf · 19/12/2011 03:28

YANBU its not like you can go off on a drunken jolly now you're expecting is it?

You can bet ya boots next new years he'll be off out again leaving you at home with the baby.

Sorry but I seriously question the commitment of a man that fucks off on a significant date like that leaving his pregnant wife/partner alone.

SaggyOldClothCatPusss · 19/12/2011 03:38

But.. it's not a significant date... it's just 1 Jan 13.

sitandnatter · 19/12/2011 04:00

I think and I'll admit to reading between the lines here it is a trust thing, they split up and she lost trust so he was probably with someone else and she's fragile. Not the time to get pregnant but who am I Jeremy Kyle? You are where you are, pregnant with a man you don't trust.

A man who wants to spend NY away from you, yes I'd be hurt too. But it is probably not because he wants to be in NY but because it is showing just how far apart you both are in terns of what you need from the relationship and what he is prepared to give.

I've been there too, though in my case my ex lied through his teeth to get a week away and lying for me is a big no no so far as trust goes, he is being honest with you so that's a plus.

I'd also wonder about why he wants to spend money on NY when he has responsibilities to an unborn child, where are his priorities, prams, bottles, cots, clothes, savings accounts for his son/daughter or having a jolly with the lads?

I realise I am off kilter with the rest of the posts but when my ex wanted to have a week away in the states, it was the lies, the mistrust and the skewed priorities, ie his need to be with his mates not his family or providing for them that really hurt.

So OP sorry to say I can see where you are coming from this is a warning sign.

ps. Working away isn't the same as having a jollly with the lads.

sashh · 19/12/2011 04:17

Er, if I was pregnant and BF wanting to go away I'd be searching for diamond rings in his jacket pockets.

Or I could be completely wrong.

Gonzo33 · 19/12/2011 05:37

YABU

I had to go through most of my pregnancy on my own because my dh was working away. He got back 3 weeks before I had our baby. Let him go, and have a night out yourself.

FellatioNelson · 19/12/2011 05:50

It's going to be a very long pregnancy if you are already acting like you are about to give birth any second......

The relationship doesn't sound that stable to be honest.

HughBastard · 19/12/2011 06:09

Why can't you go with him?

sitandnatter · 19/12/2011 07:51

I dont think she hs been asked, he wants a last fling.