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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think dh is lazy?

98 replies

SadieGeneration · 18/12/2011 13:28

We are moving in 3 weeks. We have a 1 year old I'm also pregnant in last trimester. We need to pack , do loads of stuff like garden as in rented , pack etc. The usual moving stuff.

Today I printed the mail redirection and filled in and will take tomorrow which is easy enough. I then packed up stuff from ds room that we won't need. I ran out of boxes so went to garage and dragged more boxes in that were flat packed in one large box.

I then made us lunch, we used the bread so just said we needed bread. Dh said he would pop to the shop as 5 mins away, so I text him a shopping list 11 items we need simple stuff like bread, milk, fruit etc. A basket full basically. He then went mad and said he didn't want to get all of that. He got a bag and stormed out in a huff. I took the big pram and went shopping twice this week filling up the shopping basket as I don't drive unlike dh. This isn't easy with ds.

He intends to watch 2 football matches later , he ironed a couple of work shirts earlier so don't see how he is going to help with packing.

I know he works all week and I'm sahm but I feel I am the only one trying to get organised for the move and he gets like a sulky teenager the minute we start trying to do anything and even going to the shop alone seems to be too big an ask.

He does have a stressful job but I'm getting sick of being treated like this. We are away for a week over Christmas so that's why we need to get on with packing and sorting house so we get deposit back. Aibu should I just do it myself and let him rest at the weekend?

OP posts:
faeriefruitcake · 18/12/2011 13:59

Leave his stuff unpacked and ask him if he wishes to come with you when you move?

FabbyChic · 18/12/2011 14:01

Id not pack fuck all of his at all, I'd not do anything for him nada nothing. Fuck him selfish bastard.

Sausagesarenottheonlyfruit · 18/12/2011 14:04

Xmas Grin Fabby

But yeah, what Fabby said basically.

I bet you pick up his slack for him, you sound resigned to it anyway! Is that your usual dynamic - you 'ask' him to 'help' with a household task, he sulks/refuses/'forgets', you end up doing it anyway?

OldeChestnut · 18/12/2011 14:07

just do it yourself, will be far less stressful in the long run

LoveInAColdClimate · 18/12/2011 14:08

For once I agree with Fabby! He sounds like a complete prick. Is he always this lazy and selfish?

Jemma1111 · 18/12/2011 14:09

I also agree with Fabby!

Let the lazy twat do his own packing, your'e not his bloody slave!

SadieGeneration · 18/12/2011 14:12

Yeah sausages , it's pretty pathetic isn't it. I would have thought he might go out and get the boxes for me but even that is too much for him. I tell him things that need doing , he rarely does them and if he does they are half done. I am not that into housework myself but I thought perhaps he might give me a hand , I also have a low placenta so don't want to lift anything too heavy but he doesn't seem to notice or be bothered.

OP posts:
Sausagesarenottheonlyfruit · 18/12/2011 14:15

For you? are they not boxes containing stuff from your shared home? Making them also his boxes? Xmas Angry

No way should you be lifting bloody boxes in third tri, what the hell is he playing at? You need to tell him you've done your share, the rest is for him to do. And make sure you mean it.

LoveInAColdClimate · 18/12/2011 14:17

You need to tell him firmly that you need more help, and say that if he doesn't provide it you will be hiring someone else to do and he will be paying for that. You should not be lifting heavy boxes.

SadieGeneration · 18/12/2011 14:19

cheers sausages , yeah I asked him to print a online bank statement for id for mail redirection , he said " I printed it but it will be no use to you as it doesn't have our address on". I did say its for us not me as I'm trying to make it easier for us by redirecting until we get sorted. I'm getting pissed off now!

OP posts:
MatLeaveForever · 18/12/2011 14:26

My hubby warns that there are 3 football matches that he'll be watching today...

Why can't he pack while he's watching them? Just dump a load of stuff in the living room in front of him with a box and insist it's done!

SadieGeneration · 18/12/2011 14:30

Hi matleave, I would have to carry all the stuff downstairs to living room so that will defeat object as living room pretty clear due to toddling ds. Was going to pack kitchen after new year and concentrate on spare rooms , cupboards upstairs at mo.

OP posts:
TadlowDogIncident · 18/12/2011 14:41

And you're taking him with you when you move because?

YANBU. If you think the bank balance can possibly wear it, pay someone to pack and unpack for you, and read him the riot act about being a selfish jerk. Then go out and leave him to look after the one-year-old on moving day while you go and do something pleasant for yourself. When he complains, explain that it's payback for the football matches.

MatLeaveForever · 18/12/2011 14:45

By the way your DH is of course BU, but as a football widow myself I know it's easier all round to let him watch things - if I make him go out/do something else he'll just be grumpy!

Perhaps if he's watching DS while you're packing, at least that's one less thing for you to worry about? But I agree that you shouldn't be lifting anything heavy!

We moved a couple of months ago and know of the stress - it'll be worth it in the end (and you can be proud of what YOU'VE acheived) Xmas Grin

Sausagesarenottheonlyfruit · 18/12/2011 14:48

With the best will in the world, you need to get pissed off.
He's obviously just expected you to roll over up till now.
I just read your post to DH, he said you should pack the telly first then go out for the day.

What would happen if you didn't do the packing?

controlpantsandgladrags · 18/12/2011 14:50

competely agree that you shouldn't pack any of his stuff...just do yours and your DC's and leave him to get on with it.

SadieGeneration · 18/12/2011 14:53

When I was packing and he was watching ds, he left him in playpen in pjs , I had even laid new clothes out for him . He went to iron his work shirts and shouted at ds to shut up while I was packing upstairs . Also it's not just today because of footie he did nothing last weekend. I'm upstairs doing more after getting washing out must be an idiot!

OP posts:
MabelLucyAttwell · 18/12/2011 14:57

If you are using a professional removal company, why not get them to do the packing? They are used to doing it and are good (from my experience). We had Pickfords. If not, are there any relatives or friends nearby who could help?

SadieGeneration · 18/12/2011 15:08

Dh won't pay for that, no friends or family here, we moved last year no one close to help me unfortunately . I'm just putting spare bedding and clothes in clear bags at mo, nothing to heavy. I'm leaving dhs extra clothes though,ha!

OP posts:
Xenia · 18/12/2011 15:18

Ths is what happens when you become a housewife. Ify ou earned 10x what he did we can be pretty sure Mr Lazy wouldn't be lording it over you at home.

Pozzled · 18/12/2011 15:27

Again... 'DH won't pay for it'. It's not his money, it's your joint money, you're married. If you can afford it, you can make the choice to pay for a removal company.

KittyFane · 18/12/2011 15:30

Xenia not so sure about that! I earn more than DH and he is
a useless twonk lazy.
He is away this weekend and has talked all week about what he needed to do to get ready without actually lifting a finger.
In the end I did it for him to shut him up.

I insisted he looked in every bag and talked him through what I'd packed.
He was reluctant to take the bag tour and I lost my patience and said that as I had spent the evening ironing and packing for him the least he could do was walk up the stairs and look at it.

FFS stupid bloody idiot

Rant over.

Ilovepigs · 18/12/2011 15:31

Are you going to offer the op a jop then xenia or the rest of us "housework"-or do you only help out family members?Grin

KittyFane · 18/12/2011 15:32

to add though, agree about paying for things- If I want to pay for something I do.(eg packers for move)

Annoyed for you OP :(

3littlefrogs · 18/12/2011 15:35

Oh Xenia - there you go again. How is that helpful to the op in her current situation?

Sadie, just say to him:

"I have done as much as I can safely do, given my complicated and advanced pregnancy plus my child care responsibilities which you appear not to share. Please confirm whether you intend to be a responsible husband and father, and sort out the rest of the packing, or, if you are not prepared to do that, I will arrange for the removal company to pack and unpack, and it will cost US X amount"

To be honest it sounds as if you have more problems than just this move. Sad

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