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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think dh is lazy?

98 replies

SadieGeneration · 18/12/2011 13:28

We are moving in 3 weeks. We have a 1 year old I'm also pregnant in last trimester. We need to pack , do loads of stuff like garden as in rented , pack etc. The usual moving stuff.

Today I printed the mail redirection and filled in and will take tomorrow which is easy enough. I then packed up stuff from ds room that we won't need. I ran out of boxes so went to garage and dragged more boxes in that were flat packed in one large box.

I then made us lunch, we used the bread so just said we needed bread. Dh said he would pop to the shop as 5 mins away, so I text him a shopping list 11 items we need simple stuff like bread, milk, fruit etc. A basket full basically. He then went mad and said he didn't want to get all of that. He got a bag and stormed out in a huff. I took the big pram and went shopping twice this week filling up the shopping basket as I don't drive unlike dh. This isn't easy with ds.

He intends to watch 2 football matches later , he ironed a couple of work shirts earlier so don't see how he is going to help with packing.

I know he works all week and I'm sahm but I feel I am the only one trying to get organised for the move and he gets like a sulky teenager the minute we start trying to do anything and even going to the shop alone seems to be too big an ask.

He does have a stressful job but I'm getting sick of being treated like this. We are away for a week over Christmas so that's why we need to get on with packing and sorting house so we get deposit back. Aibu should I just do it myself and let him rest at the weekend?

OP posts:
TheFidgetySheep · 18/12/2011 15:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AmberLeaf · 18/12/2011 17:11

YANBU

He sounds lazy and also very much an areshole.

AmberLeaf · 18/12/2011 17:11

Arsehole

squeakytoy · 18/12/2011 17:29

Ths is what happens when you become a housewife. Ify ou earned 10x what he did we can be pretty sure Mr Lazy wouldn't be lording it over you at home

Wow Xenia, I wonder why the OP didnt think of that. All those high paying jobs out there too... maybe OP should just walk out right this minute and get one... Hmm

Not very constructive help really is it, just your usual dig at women who are SAHM's.

Ilovepigs · 18/12/2011 18:49

sqeauky-ignore xenia-she spouts the same shite on every thread whether or not it is relevent.

Strangley she hasnt returned to answer my question re giving the op a job. Seems in xenias family its nepotism that gets you a jobWink

LoveInAColdClimate · 18/12/2011 18:55

I always wonder if Xenia is so Frightfully Busy And Important, how does she have time to spend so much time on MN slagging off anyone who has made different choices from her...

Ilovepigs · 18/12/2011 18:57

She employs her family as her minions loveGrin

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 18/12/2011 19:04

I really do despair of all these clever, capable women who carry lazy fucks like these men

Original poster
SadieGeneration · 18/12/2011 19:05

Dh did come up and do some packing eventually. I'm knackered now so he did ds tea and bath. He can make us dinner too, so think he got the message. He did bring back all the shopping list. Still a lazy git though , shouldn't have to make him feel guilty.

OP posts:
diddl · 18/12/2011 19:09

OP-please stop with the heavy stuff!

When I had a low placenta I was all but on bedrest!

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 18/12/2011 19:40

When I had a low placenta I was in hospital I certainly wasn't packing stuff

your H is a selfish twat

how lovely he did a bit of co-parenting

all is forgiven, yes ?

Original poster
SadieGeneration · 18/12/2011 19:49

I was told my placenta was overlapping at my 20 week scan but not told I should do anything differently, is that correct? My dh is wrapping presents now and cooking tea while I lie on sofa he isn't a complete git, he just has no sense of urgency about moving but I do as I want it sorted before the baby comes.

OP posts:
BsshBossh · 18/12/2011 19:50

Is he always like this, and if so then why have you been letting him get away with it?

FeebleFeebie · 18/12/2011 19:54

I really do despair of all these clever, capable women who carry lazy fucks like these men

makes you wonder who really are the clever ones doesnt it, the ones who do all the work and grizzle about it, or the ones who let them get on with it and sit back and watch. lol

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 18/12/2011 19:59

I find that these capable women wil always find a way to ecuse these lazy fucks too

"he isn't a complete git"

well, no, he isn't slapping you around

but he is still mistreating you

why post in the first pace if he was so wonderful and there was no cause for concern

we often go full circle on these threads

"my partner is a lazy tool"

"yes he is"

"well, he's not too bad really, I am quite lucky he doesn't hit me/spend all our money on gambling/abuse the children"

end of dialogue

what's the point ?

Original poster
SadieGeneration · 18/12/2011 20:11

I definitely don't stay with dh because he doesn't abuse me or say its not that bad. I was just having a rant earlier. Its interesting to see the sway of opinion on this thread as when I posted previously I was told as a sahm I should do everything relating to the move by the majority of posters.

I did tell dh to stop being a dick and that is why he has actually been doing stuff instead of sitting on his arse. Obviously sometimes it might be nice to not have to motivate him. I'm not doing any more heavy packing anyway , as I have done 2 rooms myself.

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 18/12/2011 20:16

have you changed your mind about him being lazy then ?

because those were your words, nobody else's

we just agreed with you (or the sensible ones agreed with you, at any rate)

BsshBossh · 18/12/2011 21:21

But you called him lazy OP and you said he was like this last weekend too. Also that he left the toddler in the playpen in his PJs and then shouted at the child to shut up. We only have your own postings to go on and so far they don't point to anything other than a lazy git.

Original poster
SadieGeneration · 18/12/2011 21:29

I still think he lazy compared to me. I won't be doing any packing apart from my clothes and bedside stuff as I know what I will need out. Mil is coming the week before we move so I reckon he thinks she is going to sort it all. I think not , it will be done the weekend before by him and mil can help me look after ds so I can have a rest for a change.

OP posts:
LoveInASnowyClimate · 18/12/2011 21:42

Bloody hell, so he wants either his (presumably fairly elderly) mother or his heavily pregnant wife to magically sort it all for him Hmm. I really hope you manage to get him to do it, OP.

Original poster
SadieGeneration · 19/12/2011 11:55

I don't know for sure , but I can imagine him not doing anything and his mum helping out as she is nice like that. We have loads of stuff that needs taking to the tip, stuff he could have done months ago. Stuff I really can't do.

He pissed me off last night , he got the washing out came in living and said " is the airer upstairs" I said " where else would it be?" . He was in the room with airer in only a couple of hours before ! It's been in that room for a few months. He also muttered something as he went upstairs. Then came down after and said sarcasm doesn't suit me. We went to bed and didn't say anything and he was asleep after a bit.

I just get the underlying feeling when he is like that, he really dislikes me and me being pregnant is an inconvenience as I was tired from packing so wanted to rest in the evening.

So maybe he is a complete twat after all, or is asking where the airer is , a reasonable question, considering he was in the room and had been in all rooms in house that day.

OP posts:
lolaflores · 19/12/2011 12:19

My friend has got a lazier husband than you. Seriously. At the moment they are trying to get a business together. he has been on the couch for 2 weeks with a dogdy tummy. I cannot begin to outline the breadth of his idleness. He has lost umpteen jobs, sleeps 4 hours a day, has a phobia about looking after his kids, took 5 hours to cook a pasta dinner, crashed 3 cars.
The business is going to be car repairs by the roadside, so wheel replacement, windshields and whatever else.
I have images of my super capapble friend out in a snow storm in the arse end of ireland, changing a wheel with 2 kids in the car as he is not in the mood for it. The day of their wedding she was upstairs packing bags for honeymoon, 3 months pregnant with 2 year under feet. Himself? In the kitchen with a glass of wine and the papers.
She said absolutely fucking nothing to him.

StopRainingPlease · 19/12/2011 12:32

KittyFane - I think you did the wrong thing here....

"I insisted he looked in every bag and talked him through what I'd packed.
He was reluctant to take the bag tour and I lost my patience and said that as I had spent the evening ironing and packing for him the least he could do was walk up the stairs and look at it."

Next time, just say, "OK then," remove a few essential items from the bags and leave him to it Grin.

OhCobblers · 19/12/2011 12:32

Its interesting to see the sway of opinion on this thread as when I posted previously I was told as a sahm I should do everything relating to the move by the majority of posters.

Bollocks to that then. I'm a SAHM and in that time have moved 5 times - i've used packers/unpackers every time and will do so again. Tell your DH that he's paying for packers as clearly he's a lazy arse from all your posts that i've read. Why the hell should you in your state or his mother do it all???

Firawla · 19/12/2011 13:04

Sadie I was in a really similar position to you when we moved, my dh did not pack or unpack one single item from the whole flat!!! well actually we moved twice in a short space of time, once when i was in last trimester pregnant and had 2 toddlers, and then the 2nd time when i had the baby aged 2 months and also the 2 toddlers, and he did not pack either time!
I get how you feel it can be really infuriating and annoying when they do not help whatsoever, although I also get how they can be like this but still not necessarily be a complete git. It is lazy, there is no denying that, and personally I can't see that my dh would ever change that much but I dont think it is worth leaving them over.
Dont know if you are the same but i am not used to dh doing stuff now so if he does it tends to be done in the 'wrong' way than I would do it so i kind of prefer just do it myself so he cant win either way really..