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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think dh is lazy?

98 replies

SadieGeneration · 18/12/2011 13:28

We are moving in 3 weeks. We have a 1 year old I'm also pregnant in last trimester. We need to pack , do loads of stuff like garden as in rented , pack etc. The usual moving stuff.

Today I printed the mail redirection and filled in and will take tomorrow which is easy enough. I then packed up stuff from ds room that we won't need. I ran out of boxes so went to garage and dragged more boxes in that were flat packed in one large box.

I then made us lunch, we used the bread so just said we needed bread. Dh said he would pop to the shop as 5 mins away, so I text him a shopping list 11 items we need simple stuff like bread, milk, fruit etc. A basket full basically. He then went mad and said he didn't want to get all of that. He got a bag and stormed out in a huff. I took the big pram and went shopping twice this week filling up the shopping basket as I don't drive unlike dh. This isn't easy with ds.

He intends to watch 2 football matches later , he ironed a couple of work shirts earlier so don't see how he is going to help with packing.

I know he works all week and I'm sahm but I feel I am the only one trying to get organised for the move and he gets like a sulky teenager the minute we start trying to do anything and even going to the shop alone seems to be too big an ask.

He does have a stressful job but I'm getting sick of being treated like this. We are away for a week over Christmas so that's why we need to get on with packing and sorting house so we get deposit back. Aibu should I just do it myself and let him rest at the weekend?

OP posts:

Original poster

SadieGeneration · 19/12/2011 18:20

anyfucker I did the housework on my day off in the week before we had ds. I didn't spend the whole day but I would do a couple of hours. There wasn't much else to do as everyone I knew was working so would have a lie in do a bit of cleaning and then relax. If I had worked Monday to Friday I would have expected dh to do more, it didn't put me out and he would often go shopping on way home, there didn't seem to be as much mess before ds!

OP posts:

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 19/12/2011 18:22

did you work one day of the weekend, to enable that day off in the week ?

Squitten · 19/12/2011 18:23

I'm a SAHM. During a weekday, I'll do as much as I can around my 3yr old and 1yr old. Sometimes the house will be nice, sometimes it will be a dump. If it's the latter, DH will get stuck in doing rusting, cooking, etc, until we can both sit down together. On weekends, he looks after the kids mostly, including all the nappies, etc, and I'll do housework or might be out with friends. We definitely share everything!

Squitten · 19/12/2011 18:24

Rusting? Tidying!

lolaflores · 19/12/2011 18:27

Squitten rusting...oh dear that is funny

Original poster

SadieGeneration · 19/12/2011 18:32

Yes anyfucker and them dh would do stuff that I don't do like going to supermarket, cooking tea and dropping me off and picking me up from work . He would put washing away and wash up as we didn't have a dishwasher then. Then we could relax the next day.

OP posts:

ledkr · 19/12/2011 18:35

I wouldnt pack his stuff even if he wasnt lazy tbh.When are woman going to stop waiting on blokes who are basically grown adults.SAHM not SAHW btw.
I just crack on with what needs to be done and have no interest in what dh needs to do/pack/wear etc.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 19/12/2011 18:39

You don't need to keep trying to explain it to me, sadie

if you have changed your mind, and your H does his fair share of the shitwork, then put this thread to the back of your mind as just a little rant that you had

I am not trying to convince you that your H is a lazy twat...you said that

I was agreeing with what you posted

the fact that you are still here, trying to convince us (yourself?) he is a wonderfullly selfless man who is just a bit misunderstood, however, speaks volumes to me

I don't think he's a bad bloke

I think he is like many men...happy to let a woman take on reponsibility for all the shitwork, simply so he doesn't have to do it

who wouldn't ?

Original poster

SadieGeneration · 19/12/2011 19:05

Im not trying to convince anyone or myself. You were alluding to him
sat on his arse all day at the weekend enabled by my day off in week cleaning thing. I 100% know that if the roles were reversed I would do more housework than he does but maybe that's my fault? Also no two people have the exact same limit on filth eg I cleaned the ensuite 2 months ago , dh finally cleaned it yesterday, before his shower. I would have cleaned it much sooner. I don't use if much so I just left it to him and I keep the bathroom and downstairs loo clean as I use them.

OP posts:

TheRealTillyMinto · 19/12/2011 19:20

your DH thinks the shitwork is your job. he does not help with moving because it is menial, shitwork i.e. your job.

he didnt clean the shower because he wants you to keep doing all the shitwork.

you deserve better but if you always act as you have in the past, you all always do all of the crap. and the more you do, the less he will experience of shitwork, so the less he will appreciate your efforts.

mynewpassion · 19/12/2011 20:00

Sadie you are the one who alluded him being lazy not us. So he's not lazy just a procrastinator and who put footie over packing.

So what's the point of this discussion anyways?

Xenia · 19/12/2011 21:14

I still think the answer is to get a full time job and earn 10x what he does.

Serenitysutton · 19/12/2011 23:53

Tbh there is a lot of blame on sadie in this thread (women blaming women- girlpower) what should she do? If she doesn't want to leave him but he won't do things when asked, what do you suggest, in terms of practical steps, she does?
It sounds like one of those situations where everyone is quick to criticise but noone has offered practical advice.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 20/12/2011 00:00

don't be silly, SS

what a lazy argument

"girlpower" ...wtf is that ?

I would advise anyone with a lazy, entitled partner to examine how they enable the status quo

you see the problem is, if you are adamant that you will never leave, and the lazy partner knows it....then you are stuck

so...put up or shut up

not a position I would accept being in, myself

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 20/12/2011 00:02

if you are happy to be the lesser partner in a relationship, then of course that is your prerogative

it is actually the norm in our society

so you won't be alone in your second rate status...you will be among millions

that can be a comfortable place to be

until you get sick of it

but then, you can bury your head in the sand again

some women do this all their lives...in some sort of crazy vicious circle

not for me

Serenitysutton · 20/12/2011 00:06

Ok so you would just leave him. Do you have any alternative advice for the op who doesn't want to do that?

Serenitysutton · 20/12/2011 00:07

Btw lazy argument makes no sense- it wasn't even an argument. Mind you am sure you could make an argument with the mirror.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 20/12/2011 00:09

if you say so, SS

funnily enough though, my dialogue is with the OP

Serenitysutton · 20/12/2011 00:12

But you're not giving her any advice! So what's the point?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 20/12/2011 00:19

what is the point of you , SS?

you tell her she has no power to change things

I say she does...but she has to accept there is a problem first

at the moment, she is has retreated back into denial

I gave her an example upthread of how a FT worker and PT worker can share chores, that was backed up by others

she came back with examples of all that he does

so apparently, there is no problem at all and we are all wasting our time < shrugs >

Original poster

SadieGeneration · 20/12/2011 08:00

My main issue was the packing and his attitude to going to the shop. I spoke to him last night about it. I asked why he was so moody and said it wasn't on. He said he was tired and was sorry . He has been doing 12/13 hours days recently. He has nearly a week off soon so I said he can catch up on sleep then. I don't think I'm in denial as I have told him what an arse he was. So now going forward I'm only doing light stuff and he is doing the brunt of it.

I gave examples of what he actually does do as I seemed to have painted a picture of him never lifting a finger and making people think I should be leaving him as he sees me as a live in cleaner or something.

OP posts:

lolaflores · 20/12/2011 10:57

you didn't make that very clear. you asked is my husband lazy

lolaflores · 20/12/2011 10:59

sorry if you feel harshly treated, but it seemed as if you were very unhappy and an unfair burden had been placed upon you. those were the original facts you outlined. now it would seem that is not the case.

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