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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have been pissed off and rude

113 replies

mummyandpig · 18/12/2011 11:08

I was pretty pissed off at the time but am now wondering if I was unnecessarily rude to this woman.

I was in the lift at John Lewis with my 9 month old and a woman started cooing over him, telling him what lovely eyes he had etc. So she was being kind and friendly but she then turned to me and asked me if I was his nanny. I am in my early 20s and can only assume that she presumed I was too young to have a baby, which is obviously silly.

I glared at her and told her I was his mother and asked why she presumed that I wasn't? She looked confused and a bit taken a back and then we left the lift.

TBH, I think I am being a bit over sensitive but this sort of thing has happened to me before and I find it incredibly patronising and irritating.

OP posts:
KeepInMindItsAlmostChristmas · 18/12/2011 18:11

YABU

deepandcrispandsevenfold · 18/12/2011 18:12

YABU and very rude
one day you will love it when people think you look young

StrandedUnderTheMisltoe · 18/12/2011 18:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Floggingmolly · 18/12/2011 18:20

I don't think early 20's is shockingly young to be a mum, certainly not enough to constantly invite comments. She was probably trying to make conversation with a complete stranger, and said the first thing to come into her head, we've all done it. It really doesn't sound personal at all.

Original poster
mummyandpig · 18/12/2011 19:21

The thing is she wasn't paying me a compliment by thinking I was young, I am young! To be honest, I hope I have more to think about instead of "loving it" as I get older anyway.

stranded I'm not interested in competing. As I already said, I have had plenty of comments, some much worse than the nanny question.

OP posts:
sprinkles77 · 18/12/2011 19:33

YANBU. Maybe a bit rude but I empathise. All the well meaning comments that feel a bit back handed. I don't know OP, I know I'm prone to take offense when others would not.

lovelyredwine · 18/12/2011 19:40

I'm in my 30's and people assume my dd is not mine sometimes as she looks NOTHING like me. At all. Not even a little bit. Now when she's with my DH it's an entirely different story - everyone who stops to talk to us comments on how alike they are, isn't she a mini DH blah blah blah. Hurumph. Could it be as simple as that?

MushroomMagee · 18/12/2011 20:36

I understand where you're coming from tbh. DD was born just before I turned 20 and I get so many comments. It doesn't help I suppose that we live in a very middle class area, where the average age of mums with children the same age as my dd is 40!
My neighbour asked me on the day we moved in if I was "the help" and took a lot of convincing that I wasn't. I had to work very hard not to be rude.

I really do get fed up of my age being (or feeling) like the first thing people notice when they meet me in a "mummy" context and I'd imagine it was a similar situation here. You just cracked. You were a bit rude if I'm honest, but we all make mistakes sometimes and its really not the end of the world. The lesson to be learnt from it is how to handle it better in the future. Perhaps come up with a stock response so you can just rattle it off without taking the comment on board too much.

I do understand though, people think its somehow ok to be incredibly rude and judgmental towards younger mothers. Dustin I'm looking at you here. You're comment earlier was incredibly bigoted and really doesn't help anyone.

Skimty · 18/12/2011 20:37

I had all 3 of mine by the month after my 29th birthday. Most people assumed I was in my 30s. Lot's of people would say things like:

'Now we're no longer in out twenties..."
"People in their thirties like us..."

Even DH said to me when I was 28 - "Women in their thirties shouldn't run like that!"

I was quite pleased to eventually turn 30!

Soccermom2 · 18/12/2011 21:02

It could be worse, I was once asked were my two ds's my little brothers!!

MamaMaiasaura · 18/12/2011 21:12

Were you carrying a carpet bag?

Dustinthewind · 18/12/2011 21:22

'I do understand though, people think its somehow ok to be incredibly rude and judgmental towards younger mothers. Dustin I'm looking at you here. You're comment earlier was incredibly bigoted and really doesn't help anyone.'

Really? I'm devastated.
Oh no. Wait a minute.
You're one of the posters that don't think wheelchair users should get priority on buses, first come first served and all that. Mummies and babies and buggies trump the disabled.
So I'm being judged as bigoted by you? Suddenly I really don't mind much.

Original poster
mummyandpig · 18/12/2011 21:30

Awen :o. No, although my bag does often feel like an endless pit.

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