Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have been pissed off and rude

113 replies

mummyandpig · 18/12/2011 11:08

I was pretty pissed off at the time but am now wondering if I was unnecessarily rude to this woman.

I was in the lift at John Lewis with my 9 month old and a woman started cooing over him, telling him what lovely eyes he had etc. So she was being kind and friendly but she then turned to me and asked me if I was his nanny. I am in my early 20s and can only assume that she presumed I was too young to have a baby, which is obviously silly.

I glared at her and told her I was his mother and asked why she presumed that I wasn't? She looked confused and a bit taken a back and then we left the lift.

TBH, I think I am being a bit over sensitive but this sort of thing has happened to me before and I find it incredibly patronising and irritating.

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 18/12/2011 11:19

Oh dear. Yes YABU. And yes, you were very rude. I just hope you don't usually speak to people like that!

PurplePidjInAPearTree · 18/12/2011 11:19

My friend was back to pre pregnancy weight within weeks of giving birth Envy so it could be that you don't look like you've given birth and she was paying you a compliment?

Wongamum · 18/12/2011 11:20

YABU! She was asking, not assuming!

My teenage DD's hate it when people assume they are my 2yo DS's teen mum when they take him out without me. They are quick to correct friendly people with "he's my baby brother" before anyone can say anything!

Deafworm · 18/12/2011 11:20

I used to get very frustrated at this and probably made the odd pointed remark, enjoy it, now at nearly 28 I still get id'd!

Original poster
mummyandpig · 18/12/2011 11:23

OK, I accept that I should have answered her question with a politer response. And yes, maybe it will be a blessing as I get older.

OP posts:
Laquitar · 18/12/2011 11:26

I had mine late so i was worried about being called 'granny' Grin

Does your dd look very different to you? Do you have foreign accent?

Were you talking on your i-phone? Grin (many generalizations)

ScarlettIsWalking · 18/12/2011 11:26

You sounds very hard nosed, defensive and paranoid.

GnomeDePlume · 18/12/2011 11:27

Perhaps a good penance would be to be polite to everyone you meet no matter what they say to you.

FoxyRoxy · 18/12/2011 11:42

I had DS when I was 20, when he was 2 we went on holiday with my parents. Some photographer chap thought I was his big sister! My mum loved it, I just said she wishes she was young enough to have a 2yo, I'm his mum! And laughed it off.

Yabu to be rude to a complete stranger for asking an innocent question.

mercibucket · 18/12/2011 11:57

What a fuss over nothing. Presumably you looked a bit glam, non-knackered and young and slim, so she wondered if you were the nanny, many new mums still being a bit frazzled and knackered regardless of age. It's worse when someone assumes you're the granny, take my word for it!

mercibucket · 18/12/2011 11:57

What a fuss over nothing. Presumably you looked a bit glam, non-knackered and young and slim, so she wondered if you were the nanny, many new mums still being a bit frazzled and knackered regardless of age. It's worse when someone assumes you're the granny, take my word for it!

diddl · 18/12/2011 12:27

YANBU-nosy cow!

What business was it of hers?

LittleJennyRobyn · 18/12/2011 12:35

I used to get mistaken for the babysitter...on a regular basis!!

And if i was out with my mum and one the Dc's they would assume that she was thier mum and i was the sister of said child/children.

We both (me & mum) took this as a compliment whilst politely correcting thier mistake...no need to be rude imo.

suburbophobe · 18/12/2011 12:37

People do come out with the strangest assumptions tho.....and quite bluntly.

I have a bi-racial child and was once asked if he was adopted...Hmm

Now he's 20 and we were in Egypt and he was asked (me standing next to him) "Is that your wife?" Shock

They did apologise profusely when he laughed and said "No, it's my mum!"

I could see it as a compliment... Grin

tinselstix · 18/12/2011 12:39

YANBU - what an odd thing for her to have asked.

FabbyChic · 18/12/2011 12:43

If you hd been in your forties she might have asked if you was his grandma.

whackamole · 18/12/2011 12:45

YABU. Very.

Angelswings · 18/12/2011 12:46

YABU

Was a nanny to 4 kids aged 14 to 2. I was trying on some jeans and waoting for a different size and left 2 year old with 14 year old outsde the curtain. He was asked by the shop assistant if he could pass the jeans to his wife Xmas Blush

I then adopted my dd when I was 24, she was 10. We were taken for sisters. I'm now ttc to no 4 and being in my 40s am ready for the granny comments

Earlybird · 18/12/2011 12:50

look - she was admiring your baby and made a misguided assumption. It's not a big thing. Why get so worked up? There are dozens of ways you could have made set her straight without glaring and being rude. Why not choose one of those? It would have (perhaps) gotten your point across without turning into an unpleasant moment.

Honestly, if those sorts of things get under your skin you will spend a great deal of time being cranky (unnecessarily).

Earlybird · 18/12/2011 12:51

correction: could have set her straight

Bottom line: lighten up!

exexpat · 18/12/2011 12:51

This isn't a stealth 'was she being racist?' thing is it, if you are a different colour from your baby? I have a half-Chinese friend with two blonde daughters, who lives in Asia (in the kind of expat circles where people often have Filipino helpers etc), and people regularly used to assume she was the nanny/housekeeper rather than their mother.

Odd question for her to ask, but if it just means you look young for your age, I wouldn't be offended.

Veda · 18/12/2011 12:52

You were BU to be rude. You KNOW you were rude. That's always U.

ViviPrudolf · 18/12/2011 12:53

YANBU to be narked. Stupid thing to say to a stranger. Silly woman.
YABU to be rude. You should have come out with some killer polite put down. "Oh no I'm his mother, but being so youthful and glamorous people often make that mistake"

difficulttimes · 18/12/2011 12:56

I became a mother at 19 got some awful comments som I understand your annoyance.

SmethwickBelle · 18/12/2011 12:58

Being mistaken for a nanny could well be a compliment - It might have meant you looked awake and tidy and mega in control Grin

I think you were probably a bit rude, she was just making chit chat and admiring your baby.