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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have been pissed off and rude

113 replies

mummyandpig · 18/12/2011 11:08

I was pretty pissed off at the time but am now wondering if I was unnecessarily rude to this woman.

I was in the lift at John Lewis with my 9 month old and a woman started cooing over him, telling him what lovely eyes he had etc. So she was being kind and friendly but she then turned to me and asked me if I was his nanny. I am in my early 20s and can only assume that she presumed I was too young to have a baby, which is obviously silly.

I glared at her and told her I was his mother and asked why she presumed that I wasn't? She looked confused and a bit taken a back and then we left the lift.

TBH, I think I am being a bit over sensitive but this sort of thing has happened to me before and I find it incredibly patronising and irritating.

OP posts:
rabbid · 18/12/2011 13:48

i find older mothers neurotic and controlling but i keep those thoughts to myself Wink

diddl · 18/12/2011 13:48

Well I think she deserved a glare-I don´t know why some women think that they can just ask younger women what they want & expect a polite answer back!

Sudaname · 18/12/2011 13:48

I love it love love it love it when people think l am too young to be - well just about anything really [desperate for any compliment at my age] and in fact my proudest moment was when l was out with DH and his DGD. He left her with me briefly and this obviously blind as a bat old lady started raving about my StepDGD and how beautiful she is etc - then looked up at me (we do share similiar hair colour and complexion) and said 'Just like her mum'. [preens] I am in my early 50's and DSGD was 6 at the time.

OP one day you too will be an old trout like me you may well appreciate these mistaken identities as a compliment. So am sorry but its a YABU from me.

laptopdancer · 18/12/2011 13:49

You know, it may well have been that since you were tired and cranky, you may not have responded in the way a mother might when she cooed over your baby. A mother might respond with "why thank you" when someone says their child is lovely or "he gets that from my dh" when eyes are commented on. Your aloofness may have led her to ask the question.

Dustinthewind · 18/12/2011 13:50

'i find older mothers neurotic and controlling but i keep those thoughts to myself'

Xmas Grin See? It's not that hard to be pleasant.

MamaMaiasaura · 18/12/2011 13:50

YABU and I expect she did actually say mammy. Poor lady Sad

Sudaname · 18/12/2011 13:51

disclaimer - that didnt happen 20 years ago before any of you cynical lovely mumsnetters suggest it. It was only last year.

whomovedmychocolate · 18/12/2011 13:52

Has it occurred to you OP that she probably thought you were doing such a good job she was hoping you were a nanny and were available to hire. I've been asked if I was my children's nanny before (no idea why, we look pretty much identical but people are quite dim Wink) and also if I was their teacher when I took mine and a couple of other children out.

Perhaps you have a capable looking thing going on? :)

Original poster
mummyandpig · 18/12/2011 14:04

laptop I wasn't "aloof" with her at all. I smiled while she spoke to my son, I am more than willing to engage with people who talk to my son.

OP posts:
MamaMaiasaura · 18/12/2011 14:05

Eek - sorry but u sound a bit of a stroppy mare tbh

Original poster
mummyandpig · 18/12/2011 14:08

awen, in general, I'm not. And she definitely wasn't the sort of woman to say "mammy".

OP posts:
MamaMaiasaura · 18/12/2011 14:11

If she did say nanny where is the harm in smiling and saying nope I'm his mum? Perhaps toy look exceptional amazing and not knackered and chubby like me some mummy's that she thought "how could this wonderful looking woman be the babies mummy?" or perhaps she simply made an error of judgement. Fgs it's season of goodwill and all that

FeebleFeebie · 18/12/2011 14:12

how odd. i was a mum at 21 and was never asked any such thing

MamaMaiasaura · 18/12/2011 14:13

You not toy sorry

Original poster
mummyandpig · 18/12/2011 14:13

I've already posted numerous times admitting that I could have been politer.

OP posts:
MamaMaiasaura · 18/12/2011 14:13

Feeble -you prob looked like shit tired Wink so it was obvious

MamaMaiasaura · 18/12/2011 14:14

Sorry not trawled through thread. Tho I'd say not could have been you should have been. Wink

SantasENormaSnob · 18/12/2011 16:42

Yabu

early twenties is not a young mum IMO

Dustinthewind · 18/12/2011 16:46

ouch!<

Xmas Grin
carocaro · 18/12/2011 16:49

Which John Lewis? - Sloane Square (Peter Jones) I'd expect some daft old bat to think you were the nanny as real parents in the area don't take their children out alone!

exoticfruits · 18/12/2011 16:51

If you are an ancient Mum, like me, it is young Santas. Xmas Grin

whatstheetiquette · 18/12/2011 16:56

YABU.

I would have taken it as a compliment.

YonderRevoltingPeasantWhoIsHe · 18/12/2011 17:00

Hmm you know, I still don't like this idea that women should be grateful to be mistaken for younger than we are. Why? All this 'she could've thought you were his great-grandmother, and in a few short years you'll be a hideous mass of wrinkles so be happy' is crap IMO.

I don't think most men would like it if they were taken to be the office junior/ older brother etc.

Dustinthewind · 18/12/2011 17:40

You could ask why a huge number of women spend a fortune on trying to pass for younger than they are then.

exoticfruits · 18/12/2011 18:06

I don't think that you are as old as me YRPWIH-I am very grateful-not to say thrilled!!,