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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

ttc while returning from maternity leave

95 replies

rootietootie · 17/12/2011 23:27

What is the general consensus regarding this. I will be returning to work after christmas from a year long maternity leave. Legally there is nothing to stop me falling pregnant again and taking maternity entitlement, but is it frowned upon? I work for a small business and on one hand I think I would feel bad, we're in a recession and I suppose maternity pay etc is a burden on a business, but otoh, I would really like to have one more baby, and for it to be close in age to my current baby, before I call it quits. Would it be unreasonable for me to consider ttc so soon after returning from maternity leave? Would also mention that it took 4 years and in the end some drug intervention to fall pregnant last time, and i'm no spring chicken neither :o

OP posts:
A1980 · 17/12/2011 23:31

There's no law against it as you say. So either you want to do it or you don't.

This is the problem with maternity leaves becoming so long. It's generally expected that most people don't just stop at one child. If you're in your 30's when you have your first, you'll take a year off and be pregnant again with 6 months of coming back and then take another year off it happens all the time.

One of my colleageus is fuming at the moment. She had her baby back when maternity leave was four months if you're lucky. Now she's covering for people who bugger off (her words, NOT mine) for a year!

foreverondiet · 17/12/2011 23:34

Hmm your choice - I only took 6 months off with DD as I wanted to come back for a decent length of time before I wanted to ttc, but you are entitled to a second maternity leave and if you are already no spring chicken and DC1 took a while to conceive then just go for it. Some people are ALREADY pregnant when they come back from maternity leave!

MixedClassBaby · 17/12/2011 23:37

I realised I was pg 2 weeks after returning to work after mat leave. I felt a little worried about telling work but all has been fine. I'm no spring chicken either and was 'careless' for a long time before DC1 came along. I tend to think think that iwhen I am old(er), I will not glance around the table when the family come over for dinner and think 'I'm glad I stopped at one, my employer in 2011 must be so grateful'. Go for it, I say.

A1980 · 17/12/2011 23:38

Also, you don;t have to take a full year off with the second one if it concerns you that much.

I know so many people with 10 year old DC's who took about 3-4 months off. Their DC's don't seem damaged or neglected.

TheSecondComing · 17/12/2011 23:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Angel786 · 17/12/2011 23:43

Yanbu! You're full entitled to have children and to take maternity leave.

It took 10 mths ttc dd ( now one) and found out the week before returning from my year's mat leave I'm pg. It was planned, am thrilled! But... I do feel a bit guilty / disingenuous as everyone has made a real fuss of me being back and I don't have the heart to say hopefully I'm off again in 8 months time!

Original poster
rootietootie · 17/12/2011 23:46

I think the government is responsible for maternity pay, but the employer has to pay it first then claim it back against tax/ni? There is also the cost of finding someone to replace me while I'm off and all the inconveniences that come with this. I'd probably want to take the whole year off just because this last year has been pretty bliss with the baby and me :) (Of course a demon baby could easily change my mind!). Just wanted to check that people don't generally see this as taking the piss :)

OP posts:
A1980 · 17/12/2011 23:50

I don't have the heart to say hopefully I'm off again in 8 months time!

Congrats!

I wouldn't worry. It happened very recently in our office. She didn't tell anyone at all and she must have become pregnant 2 months after coming back. We were all thrilled to see her again. She was beginning to look pregnant and we were all speculating adn she finally told management. I doubt anyone was annoyed with her, just suprised. She decided not to come back at all after the second. So the only thing we did say is that the baby was planned so she may as well have not bothered to come back at all as they didn't need the money. She only came back for 6 months and then handed in her notice never to return.

Angel786 · 17/12/2011 23:50

No, I think it's expected as a1980 said!

We did have someone who came back from her second m/l three months pg and senior management were far from amused but I suspect that's because they were trying to make her redundant before they found out Hmm

Angel786 · 17/12/2011 23:52

Thanks a1980 early days ATM but if all goes well, I'd like to return p/t after second baby. I guess I won't really know how I'll feel until the time comes tho!

Bunbury · 17/12/2011 23:55

Of course YABVFU. In what way can you justify taking a second period of maternity leave from a company that you have not worked at for 12 months and will in all likelihood not return to? With all due respect it is attitudes such as this that mean small/medium sized companies shy away from hiring women of child bearing age.

Original poster
rootietootie · 17/12/2011 23:55

congrats Angel, hope you have a blissful pregnancy x

OP posts:
Angel786 · 18/12/2011 00:06

Thanks rootie.

Is bun bury being sarcastic, sorry, wasn't sure?

Yulewithadragontattoo · 18/12/2011 00:10

I'd been back from mat leave 12 weeks when I told my boss I was 12 weeks pregnant. I was a little embarrassed but it's not unusual to have two kids with a small age gap, especially if you're over 30.

A1980 · 18/12/2011 00:18

I'm not sure if it Bunbury was being serious either. But with cases such as Angel's or Yules, you'll have worked only for a few months in three years.

This is the difficulty with having a year long mat leave. People often do it twice very close together. Nothing to stop you though. But it does leave employers in the lurch. They're not even allowed to ask if/when you're coming back so they don't know whether to arrange a replacement until you decide to talk about it.

maddening · 18/12/2011 00:19

yanbu,go forth and procreate :)

Nanny0gg · 18/12/2011 00:41

I doubt she was being sarcastic.
It's lovely for you (congratulations!), but it makes life very very hard for businesses.
Even in large ones it can cause disruption in individual departments so you can understand why it's not popular with employers even if they're delighted for you on a personal level.

Bunbury · 18/12/2011 00:52

Am amazed that people thought I was being sarcastic! I am yet to hear a single acceptable reason why it's fair on anyone - employer, fellow employee's, the general workforce - that the system is abused in this manner. The fact that you even need to ask, is answer enough that what you're doing is wrong.

RobynLou · 18/12/2011 00:59

yanbu.
after a couple of years of baby making you will probably go back to the company pt and work for many years for them. A couple of years out in the context of your whole career is nothing.

ShellyBoobs · 18/12/2011 01:05

The thing is, you're not going to get a truly balanced view by asking a question like this on MN.

It really does cause huge problems for businesses, not that many people here will care agree, in that they just can't plan cover. They can't ask whether someone on maternity leave intends to return, or when, so it's really difficult to get proper cover.

People will say you're 'entitled' to take the piss out of advantage of your employment in this way and indeed you very much are, but I wouldn't worry too much about asking whether it's reasonable because that totally depends on whether you're the employer trying to keep afloat or the employee trying to have the family they wish for.

Personally, I think YANBU to go for it because you might well regret not ttc as soon as possible, whereas any issue with your employer is insignificant in comparison to having another child, or not.

ShellyBoobs · 18/12/2011 01:07

...you will probably go back to the company pt and work for many years for them

That's a rather bold assumption, isn't it?

toobreathless · 18/12/2011 01:08

You sound like a lovely, caring & considerate person.

I would honestly go for it. Given you're age (sorry!) and you're problems TTC Number 1 it may well take you some time. If you happen to fall pregnant quickly then that's just one of those happy things but given the average time it takes (? 8 monthss) chances are you will have a respectable amount of time back at work.

Hoping it all works out for you.

Bunbury · 18/12/2011 01:13

You sound like a lovely, caring & considerate person. No she doesn't - she's consulting a group of strangers across the internet as to whether it's acceptable to take a second year off work whilst being paid by said company for her time. I'm seriously struggling to see any evidence of her caring and considerate nature.

Yulewithadragontattoo · 18/12/2011 01:33

Bunbury - I just wonder what else you suggest. People do need to have kids you know otherwise the human race will die out. Even if OP takes the full year for each lot of mat leave that's nothing in the context of a lifetime's work. The reason there is legislation making provision for maternity leave is because it is essential if women are to play an active role in the workforce.

MonkeyTastic · 18/12/2011 01:37

Bunbury - calm down, why does the OP owe her best years to her employer? They don't own her. She is allowed maternity leave and her choice to have children. If you don't like this basic right you'll find nothing but trouble on MN.

Good luck OP xxx!