Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to demand DH put dangerous things out of DS's reach?

150 replies

sprinkles77 · 17/12/2011 13:47

DS is 21 months and obviously very inquisitive and an agile climber. This morning I found him playing with a box of paracetamol that DH had left on his desk. I suspect they taste too nasty for him to actually eat, but you never know, and he could certainly choke on one. This happens fairly frequently, also with coins. DH was at work, I had no idea they were there and I was in the shower. I am beyond livid. I phoned him at work to bollock him. I warned him, as I have done before, that if I have to call from intensive care or worse still the morgue, he won't be seeing either or us ever again. Why do I have to be the only one taking responsibility for DS's safety?

OP posts:
FoxyRevenger · 17/12/2011 20:29

HappySeven it's totally normal as far as I'm concerned.

I am Confused at people who force their child to traipse around the house with them all day long as they get things done.

Or wait until nap time for a shower? My DD naps at 1pm, should I just never go out in the mornings?

Crazy!!

RomanChristingle · 17/12/2011 20:32

Unless your house is massive or a shithole surely it wouldn't take a lot of effort to just glance at the surfaces your toddler can reach before you go for a shower? I always do that anyway before leaving the room in case I've left something I wouldn't want ds to have unattended.
It does sound as though your dh is a bit too laid back about safety but it's a good habit to be in anyway imo to have a quick glance around before you head upstairs in case there's stuff that needs putting out of reach. Even the most vigilant person can forget to put thong away occasionally.

RomanChristingle · 17/12/2011 20:33

*things obviously not thong Grin

DoesntChristmasDragOn · 17/12/2011 20:33

No one will notice if you've not showered tll 1pm.

FoxyRevenger · 17/12/2011 20:36

Doesnt I'm sure the bedhead would give it away!

I could seriously never go out in the morning without having a shower.

CardyMow · 17/12/2011 20:39

Blimey! Am I a terrible mother for leaving my 10mo DS3 in the front room for 5 minutes while I go to the loo? He is behind a shut stairgate, front room is baby-proofed (as much as is possible in a tiny house), I don't physically have the ROOM in my front room for a playpen (unless I throw out the sofa or the dining table). If I had a partner who left stuff lying around, I'd have their balls for earrings - if they are out and you don't know something is there in an otherwise babyproof environment, that's when accidents happen!

It's one of the things Ex-P and I used to have massive rows about. He couldn't understand why I would need to leave DS3 alone at all ever. So why should he have to remember to pick X,Y and Z up. From when he lef for work at 6.30am until he returned at 5pm. Hmm. Because I would not need the toilet in that whole time. He used to tell me to wait till he got home. Hmm again.

Note the Ex-P. I am now a lone parent. When do people propose that I get to go to the loo, or have a wash? DS3 is currently of the opinion that sleep is for the weak. I have to wash at some point every day!

CardyMow · 17/12/2011 20:41

(Oh - and my older 3 dc are all still alive and well, and have not eaten anything they shouldn't have, so I am pretty secure in the knowledge that, irresponsible men aside, I can keep children safe)

DoesntChristmasDragOn · 17/12/2011 21:07

" am now a lone parent. When do people propose that I get to go to the loo, or have a wash?"

Well, I managed by showering when the older children were about. They were 6 and 8 when DD was mobile and capable of amusing her for 5 minutes or so.

Or in the heady days where there was a DP about, showering before he went to work.

If something happens whilst you are not supervising your child, you are just as responsible for that mishap as the person leaving something out. That's all I was saying.

HappySeven · 17/12/2011 21:07

Thanks, Foxy. Smile Sometimes I wonder if I'm in a parallel universe when I come on here and really start to worry I've got the whole thing wrong.

I don't think I could persuade my DD to come with me and watch me wash up if she wanted to chase a ball round the hall.

cory · 17/12/2011 21:11

What we did was to have one room (the living-room) baby proof, have a safety gate on there and make sure nothing dangerous was ever left in there- so it acted like a giant playpen.

skybluepearl · 17/12/2011 21:12

I think its quite a fair thing to ask DH not to leave dangerous items within reach. obviously kids can't be completely wrapped up in cotton wool and they should probabaly be able to deal with smaller dangers but him leaving poinsons and chockable items around is a no no. at the same time I would probabaly take an 18 month old in the shower room with me and provide toys.

madmomma · 17/12/2011 21:27

The only way I found around the shower problem was to stick a little tv/dvd in the toddler's bedroom & stick him in his cot with some toys for 10 mins with pingu on. I couldn't wait all day for a shower. I sympathise OP, my husband is far too laisse fare with leaving stupid stuff out, and also, we're having building work done so there is all kinds of stuff around. It is a bloody nightmare. I can't leave him for a second. Really really restrictive.Angry What gets me though, is his Mum, who is lovely, never ever turns her pan handles away from the edge of the cooker when she's cooking. This despite one of her sons pulling hot oil onto his face and needing plastic surgery! When I visit, she always implores me to let my 1yr old 'explore' the house on his own - with open sockets, ungated stairs, low kitchen cupboards full of chemicals etc. I really don't think I'm OTT but it scares me how lax they both are.

minimisschief · 17/12/2011 21:35

To be fair to your husband he put them on a table. Which is sufficiently shielded from a less than 2 year old. You cannot safety proof your entire house. If your child can climb onto a desk to reach tablets they can probably climb onto kitchen surfaces with a bit of ingenuity and you cannot hide some dangerous things on there.

You have to accept that as the parent in charge you have to keep an eye on a small child who knows no better. You cannot blame an adult for leaving a box of tablets high up without blaming yourself for not preventing the child from reaching them.

Firawla · 17/12/2011 22:10

OP yanbu but what about get a lock for that room where your dh desk is, as that will make life much easier. If your dh has habits of leaving things around and does not baby proof his space that much then just close it off from your ds, put a bolt onto that door or something?

but yanbu to go and have a shower and leave your ds in the house, I think it is a bit ott people bringing their toddlers to the shower and toilet and all around with them. If it makes them happy to do so then fine but i dont think it is necessary to be so ott about it, i never do that with mine either

Hardgoing · 17/12/2011 22:23

I used to have one 'safe' room which was toddlerproof, and medicines were in a locked cabinet. I certainly used to leave my toddler for short time periods, like a shower, but it would have to be a quick one. The main danger used to be pens, over 20 surfaces with one felt-tip including curtains, furniture and the TV, has to be some type of record.

Hardgoing · 17/12/2011 22:24

The 'safe' room used to have a doorgate across, so effectively was like a large playpen. I also used to put them in the cot to keep them contained with a few toys if I needed to answer the door/telephone and I wasn't able to quickly deal with them.

Original poster
sprinkles77 · 17/12/2011 23:34

Well, I have decided, as it really only our bedroom that has DH's debris everywhere, to stairgate our room to keep DS out. Not that convenient, but I'm not locking him in a cage playpen. I'm not showering before he gets up (at 6.30), nor when he naps (I'm pregnant, I need a nap too), nor when DH gets home from work (at 7pm, when I'm bathing DS, making dinner, knackered). We have a system that works except for when DH is thoughtless, and I am naive enough to trust him. But DH might just find I didn't have time to iron his shirts as I was searching the house for dangerous things just in case!

OP posts:
Gargula · 18/12/2011 00:01

Aw op you were doing so well!

Now you just come across as barmy (stairgate = cage) and passive aggressive
"But DH might just find I didn't have time to iron his shirts as I was searching the house for dangerous things just in case!"

RomanChristingle · 18/12/2011 01:10

I wouldn't iron his shirts tbh if he can't be arsed to clear dangerous things away. He can't expect you to watch your toddler 24/7. Does he take them to the toilet with him when he looks after them alone I wonder?
Putting paracetamol on a table isn't putting them away safely imo. We have all our medicine/chemicals in a locked cupboard in the kitchen but they should at least be up high.
I don't agree that a playpen is like a cage though. I prefer to let ds explore but I can see how playpens have their uses if you have a child that will sit still for 5 seconds. I assume you put your child in it's cage cot at night op?

Iggly · 18/12/2011 07:06

What about making DH get up early then you shower while Dh is getting ready for work?

Sirzy · 18/12/2011 07:20

Surely its not hard to have one room which is safe for him to go in while you shower? Leaving him to roam when you can't get to him sounds dangerous to me - do you know he won't climb something he shouldn't and fall? Or find something he shouldn't and harm himself? You obviously don't check the areas he can get to before leaving him!

When I shower Ds (just 2) goes to play in his room which he loves doing and I know he is safe in there.

SoAngryICouldFuckingScream · 18/12/2011 07:30

you sound like my ex husband, he used to berate me about how terrible a parent I was and how if anything happened to my beloved DS it would be my fault.

He was abusive and I left him.

SoAngryICouldFuckingScream · 18/12/2011 07:32

can I add I have a 1 year old and 3 year old, I forget to move stuff out of reach sometimes, you are over reacting if it is just one room, big style.

TheChristmasCountessOlenska · 18/12/2011 07:37

I let my 20 month old roam the house but she doesn't like to be far from me so we're always on the same floor - she plays in the bathroom/ on the landing while I'm in the shower.

Re. the paracetamol issue - your DH is being unreasonable for leaving them out repeatedly - they obviously should be kept out of a child's reach.

I don't even use stair gates or a cot so am having my eyes opened by this thread!

JarethTheGoblinKing · 18/12/2011 08:09

Medicines should always be in a high up it locked cabinet when there are children in the house.

And of course its fine to leave a child in a toddler proof room while you have a quick shower.. bloody hell