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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be a bit upset by teacher's language

98 replies

girlynut · 16/12/2011 18:56

OK, so I know a class of 30 x 6/7 year olds is probably a handful and need a firm teacher... but I have a real problem with the way DS's teacher talks to the children.

At parents' evening, she told us that DS was "lazy" - didn't think too much of it (he is a bit!) until DS came home and said she shouts at them and calls them lazy children.

Thought maybe he was exaggerating until another parent told me her DD had been called "unkind and mean".

Today one of the mums was in the playground fuming as her DD had been called a "spoilt little brat". She'd been to the Head (clearly a woman who should be in politics) who attempted to placate her by saying "Oh, it's all been taken out of context. What she actually said was "Stop behaving like a spoilt little brat"". Oh well, that's alright then!

The teacher never smiles and, as an adult, I find her quite intimidating. At the nativity, you could see the children's body language around her was very odd - they all seemed quite worried, heads down, hands in laps.

Am I being a bit precious? DS is in top group for reading and maths and I don't want him put of school by this old battleaxe! I feel like I want to raise it with the Head. WWYD?

OP posts:

valiumredhead · 16/12/2011 19:03

From what you have posted you sound precious.

Flisspaps · 16/12/2011 19:04

I think you're being a bit precious. Children can be lazy, unkind and mean, and behave like spoilt little brats. Some people might find different ways of dressing it up, others are much, much more blunt. Either way, the meaning will be the same. It might not be nice to hear it, but if it's true then it's true. She's probably said LOTS of nice things to the children as well, but no-one bothers mentioning those.

They will get shouted at from time to time, and the worry in the nativity could also be down to being in front of an audience - something not many 6/7 year olds have done much of.

GypsyMoth · 16/12/2011 19:05

We need more teachers like this one!!

echt · 16/12/2011 19:05

Less of the "old", thank you very much.

The "behaving like a ....phrasing" is standard issue for teachers nowadays, to enable a change to happen,i.e. of you're a brat you are, but every one can change behavior. However, I do agree that this woman sounds relentlessly negative, and hearing similar stores from a number of sources suggests slightly Trunchbull tendencies.

Not quite sure why she should smile, though. Would such a criticism be levelled at a man?

To take it up with the HT, stick to the language, and leave her face and age out of it.

2BoysTooLoud · 16/12/2011 19:06

It's not just the op though is it?

pigletmania · 16/12/2011 19:06

YANBU at all she does not sound very nice at all, and its not good if it affects the children.

lljkk · 16/12/2011 19:07

Coz after all it's fine if all the low ability children are scared and put off learning for life by the ol' battle axe?

I think I'm veering towards a bit of pfb to the whole thing from your last line, sorry to say.

I wouldn't like it either, especially not the brat word (even if used in simile). But if your child is doing quite well, then presumably her manner works for him?

2BoysTooLoud · 16/12/2011 19:07

I think a teacher should smile actually- especially in primary!!

cricketballs · 16/12/2011 19:07

you don't like being told your ds is lazy although you admit he is and this is somehow wrong?

a child being told they were being unkind?

a child being told to stop behaving like a spoilt brat - again, how is this so wrong?

we can't all smile 24 hours a day

god help the teachers when your ds gets to secondary school!

GypsyMoth · 16/12/2011 19:07

It is if its the right effect piglet,I.e if they are behaving!!

WorraLiberty · 16/12/2011 19:08

Fucking finally a no nonsense teacher! I thought the namby pamby brigade had kidnapped them and dumped them in Narnia or somewhere.

The Head was right to correct the mother. It's not right to call a child a spoilt little brat because that's a personal insult.

But if they are behaving like one they should be told about it imo.

Kids are not made of glass (though it would seem some precious parents are) and if they misbehave they should be pulled up on it, with a no nonsense approach imo.

GypsyMoth · 16/12/2011 19:08

Why especially 'primary'?

sitandnatter · 16/12/2011 19:09

OK you need to keep an eye out here, my child was told so often by a teacher how useless he was, what a waste of space of he was and all kinds of similar comments that he tried to kill himself rather than go to school, we needed loads of intervention to keep son safe. If the children are fragile in the first place these kinds of teachers can destroy them.

Watch what is happening, monitor how it is affecting your child and if the impact is severe remove them from the school if the complaints procedure fails.

It all depends how resilient your child is my child was already mentally unwell and unable to cope with a teacher who just sent out a barrage of negativity.

2BoysTooLoud · 16/12/2011 19:11

I kind of think primary kids may need more smiles and encouragement but ..I guess not nice for older kids to have a grumpy arse non smiler either!!

pigletmania · 16/12/2011 19:12

Well there is a way to do it, without putting kids down. I had a teacher that called me lazy and told me that I would never amount to much (I had un dx SN), it really dented my self esteem so much so that I hated education, school and did really badly. I went to college and retook GCSE, did access course to uni, and encountered a very supportive attitude, so much so that they encouraged me to go to uni. I have a BA (hons) 2:1 degree and an Msc Health Psychology and plan to do child psychology.

Feminine · 16/12/2011 19:12

The teachers are like that at my son's school.

Its very old -fashioned.

The children are actually fine with it...surprisingly

pigletmania · 16/12/2011 19:13

I had a scary English teacher like that in senior school, I did so badly in her class, I was so scared of her, but had a lovely encouraging English teacher for GCSE and got a good GCSE as I really enjoyed it because of the teacher.

ManateeEquineOhara · 16/12/2011 19:15

Why do people think we need more teachers like this?! My memories of teachers like this are crap. The nice teachers who used constructive criticism rather than simile-insults were the ones that produced the best learning and good behaviour.

Chundle · 16/12/2011 19:16

My dd had a teacher like this. Dd picked her skin until it bled and started pulling clumps of her hair out. Her teacher told kids they were nasty etc etc and teacher also rude to parents. School has failed ofsted and is in special measures and.mentioned in report is teachers attitudes!! I have now moved my dd to a much better school.
Believe it or not there are teachers out there that are blatantly horrid to kids and make their lives a misery

sitandnatter · 16/12/2011 19:18

chundle my child is a self harmer too. If 29 of the children in a class find a way to cope but one tried to kill themselves, or harm themselves because they can't cope with the constant criticism, any decent teacher would get out of the profession. Sadly there are some parents and some teachers who think this is professionalism.

echt · 16/12/2011 19:20

I'll try and write a properly-spelled post. Struggling with the predictive spellcheck on the new laptop - can you disable it?

Anyway, thinking back to my own primary schooling, I can't remember any smilers. I suppose the concept of ingratiating oneself with the children hadn't taken hold back then. I've heard of teachers (always women) being critiqued for being po-faced.

Disclaimer - I'm a late 50s teacher whose expression is naturally serious.

cricketballs · 16/12/2011 19:21

but this teacher isn't telling the kids they are horrible etc; the teacher is saying their behaviour is and sometimes believe it or not kids/parents have to be told the truth if they are acting like spoilt brats/being lazy/being unkind!

echt · 16/12/2011 19:21

I should, say being criticised by OFSTED, no less.

sitandnatter · 16/12/2011 19:22

I always learned better for the teachers who I liked, who made me feel like I could do it, not that I was too lazy or thick to learn. That doesn't mean that they had to be soft, because they'd lose control of the classroom and then no one learned.

The best teachers make learning fun and don't make kids feel bad about themselves.

squeakytoy · 16/12/2011 19:23

If kids are behing like brats, they need pulling up on it, and if they are lazy, they need telling.

Teachers who mollycoddle and let kids run rings round them are doing the kids no favours at all.

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