Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit upset by teacher's language

98 replies

girlynut · 16/12/2011 18:56

OK, so I know a class of 30 x 6/7 year olds is probably a handful and need a firm teacher... but I have a real problem with the way DS's teacher talks to the children.

At parents' evening, she told us that DS was "lazy" - didn't think too much of it (he is a bit!) until DS came home and said she shouts at them and calls them lazy children.

Thought maybe he was exaggerating until another parent told me her DD had been called "unkind and mean".

Today one of the mums was in the playground fuming as her DD had been called a "spoilt little brat". She'd been to the Head (clearly a woman who should be in politics) who attempted to placate her by saying "Oh, it's all been taken out of context. What she actually said was "Stop behaving like a spoilt little brat"". Oh well, that's alright then!

The teacher never smiles and, as an adult, I find her quite intimidating. At the nativity, you could see the children's body language around her was very odd - they all seemed quite worried, heads down, hands in laps.

Am I being a bit precious? DS is in top group for reading and maths and I don't want him put of school by this old battleaxe! I feel like I want to raise it with the Head. WWYD?

OP posts:
Original poster
girlynut · 16/12/2011 19:23

I realise that I sound precious in my post. I have no problem with a tough approach to children who are misbehaving and it may well be that the children in this case were.

I just struggle with children who were flourishing in Year 1 coming home from Year 2 in tears because they've been yelled at. And that goes for all the class, regardless of their ability in class.

Parents from previous years have also complained. My neighbour's DS used to run down the road rather than go into her classroom. Thankfully he survived and is thriving in Year 4!

OP posts:
sitandnatter · 16/12/2011 19:25

Cricket primary school children haven't learnt the semantics of world play. No child should be referred to as a brat directly or indirectly in front of other children.

Teachers are supposed to be educated people, which an extended vocabulary, they should have no need to talk like that and should realise they could achieve the same without belittling the children.

LynetteScavo · 16/12/2011 19:25

The body language of the children would worry me, no matter what words came out of the teachers mouth.

I have know teachers to say the most awful things, but be completely loved by the DC (maybe the words went over their heads).

Also, one of the best teachers DS1 ever had never smiled. She was very kind, and consistent, so it didn't matter.

I don't like it when teachers shout. No need. Just makes them look like out of control idiots. Decent teachers can turn a class of raucous 7 year olds into silent statues within in seconds using without raising their voice.

DS2 has a battle axe of a teacher this year. I raised it with the deputy head, who explained exactly why that class were with that teacher this year, and what the overall outcome would be. Apparently she achieves great things academically with the DC, despite being damn rude "quirky".

pigletmania · 16/12/2011 19:25

The teachers whole demeanor does not sound nice, she does not sound like the type of teacher who a child can approach if they have a problem or if they are upset. Yes being told you are lazy is not very nice, it used to be used quite liberally in my day. My dd goes to a lovely school (she has SN), I only wished that my education was like hers, the teachers are very positive and encouraging, every little bit of progress is praised, and that dreaded word 'lazy' is not used.

ThatllDoPig · 16/12/2011 19:25

All teachers have different styles and personalities and part of a childs education is to learn the skills to deal with different types of people they are going to encounter in life. This is how I got through a crap year with my dd a couple of years ago. Use it as a way to gain open communication with your child, so he knows you are on his side for the future. It will be ok, this time next year all will be different.

pigletmania · 16/12/2011 19:26

exactly lynette the body language speaks louder than words tbh, the fact that they are subdued and look unhappy speaks volumes of the teacher.

echt · 16/12/2011 19:26

I'd say "behaving like a spoilt brat" is rude and out of order. It's a roundabout way of getting at the parents. And in front of other children! The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, and I've never met the parents of an arsey child, without inwardly going "Oh, I see..".

Nevertheless, that particular expression is not OK.

pigletmania · 16/12/2011 19:27

Some teachers should not be in the profession, they are not suitable.

2BoysTooLoud · 16/12/2011 19:27

As for the 'good old days' some posters are mentioning- I am in my 40s and had primary teachers who should never have been near children. Lets bring back the ruler for not getting our sums right. What about a bit of humiliation.
One good thing about today I feel is that teachers are more accountable.

cricketballs · 16/12/2011 19:30

sitter - the child wasn't called directly a brat - but that they were behaving like a spoilt brat and I think you underestimate how much primary kids understand the difference in the use of words. It is not belittling to tell them the truth. That has been the underpinning of many issues within secondary schools for the past few years; children have been smothered in cotton wool in primary and when it comes to secondary they believe that they can do no wrong and behave and act in what ever manner they want thinking it is ok as they have not been told otherwise incase the parents complain Hmm

squeakytoy · 16/12/2011 19:32

Reading some of the posts on this thread, I think I can see exactly why we have a generation of high school students who are so full of their own sense of entitlement that they have no respect at all for their teachers.

A teacher is there to teach.. not smile indulgently while the little darlings piss about chatting and taking no notice of her. If she needs to raise her voice, then so be it, it will probably be the first time some of them have ever actually been told off.

squeakytoy · 16/12/2011 19:32

:) snap Cricket!

SantaAteAllTheBiscuits · 16/12/2011 19:35

Jesus... you should meet ds1's teacher.... at his parent teacher meeting she told me 'I'm not sure if he's stubborn, lazy or both' (I answered 'both'!)

She told me it was very upsetting for her to see me bring dd in to school with a broken leg (dd had just started when she broke it and I gave her 2 weeks off after which the doctors told me there was no reason for her to stay home and she was really upset not to be in school... teacher made me feel like a child abuser)

When I was in the classroom during that period collecting dd early one day she shouted at 4 year old children for talking.... it was lunchtime!

she has a 'bold table' and told ds1 and two other boys that if they were bold they wouldn't be brought on the school tour (they were 4 and 5 at the time)

Nothing compared to the teachers I had in Holland and Germany though.... now they were tough as nails and at times downright mean and I was very young at the time.

WorraLiberty · 16/12/2011 19:37

Why is the 'body language' thing worrying people? Confused

At the nativity, you could see the children's body language around her was very odd - they all seemed quite worried, heads down, hands in laps

Errrr hello! They were performing a play in front of the parents!

Annunziata · 16/12/2011 19:38

Perhaps the children had not been behaving that morning and had been very, very firmly warned?

If this was constant, you'd have a problem. But a telling off is needed every now and then IMO.

Alouisee · 16/12/2011 19:40

I don't think you are being unreasonable. It reminds me of ds' year 2 teacher who used intimidation, fear and ridicule to control her class.

I had my son moved but in retrospect she was a bullying bitch and I wish I'd made a much bigger fuss.

Trust your instincts. Log her bad language, speak to other parents and prepare a case - quickly. Also speak to parents whose children had her in previous years.

cory · 16/12/2011 19:41

I had an excellent primary school teacher: firm, no-nonsense, got her way with a minimum of fuss- I don't recollect her ever resorting to calling children spoilt brats. We behaved for her because we never thought there was an alternative. One look from her was enough.

Dd had one who might have been her identical twin: very old school but again no name-calling.

The way I remember it the ones who shouted a lot or used OTT language were the ones who were weak on discipline. Nothing to do with preciousness: if you show that the children are getting to you, you are showing that you are not in control. Speaking as someone who has done supply teaching in some pretty rough schools, this is a bad policy.

WorraLiberty · 16/12/2011 19:42

This teacher didn't call anyone a spoilt brat either

Chundle · 16/12/2011 19:43

My dd was fine at school up until that one awful teacher :( now we've moved her she's back to loving school again. Her current teacher is fun, enthusiastic but very firm and when hes cross the kids know about it! Without the need for belittling or namecalling!

Perriwinkle · 16/12/2011 19:45

You're being precious OP. You clearly have totally unrealistic expectations of teachers and expect them all to love the children just like their mummies do. Get real.

It's good for children to have an old battleaxe of a teacher or two throughout their school lives, and especially when they're really little - it's character building.

And I just loved the way you had to get it in that your child is top of the class for maths and english - classic!

sitandnatter · 16/12/2011 19:47

A teacher telling a child they are a spoiled brat or that they are behaving like a spoiled brat is opening the door for the other children in the class to rip into them for being a brat. If you are going to use abusive terms, even dressng them up in semantics then that is a conversation the teacher has with the child out of the hearing of the rest of the class.

To do otherwise if a form of bullying by the teacher when they name call children in front of the class.

sitandnatter · 16/12/2011 19:48

Chundle perfectly said because it is true.

pigletmania · 16/12/2011 19:49

Erm worra at my dd nativity play, the children looked relaxed and happy the way it should be.

LynetteScavo · 16/12/2011 19:50

Well, of all the Christmas performances I have seen this week, the only children I witnessed with fearful body language were nursery children with SN. I bloody felt for them.

DD, who is in Y2 did not look at all nervous singing her solo, and neither did anyone in her class, despite the school hall being jam packed. I can't even imagine her teacher saying anything unkind or even shouting.

WorraLiberty · 16/12/2011 19:51

Erm worra at my dd nativity play, the children looked relaxed and happy the way it should be

That's nice. At my child's nativity play there were 60+ children

Some were nervous with their heads down, some were happy and some were bored shitless.