to be a bit upset by teacher's language

[girlynut]

OK, so I know a class of 30 x 6/7 year olds is probably a handful and need a firm teacher... but I have a real problem with the way DS's teacher talks to the children.

At parents' evening, she told us that DS was "lazy" - didn't think too much of it (he is a bit!) until DS came home and said she shouts at them and calls them lazy children.

Thought maybe he was exaggerating until another parent told me her DD had been called "unkind and mean".

Today one of the mums was in the playground fuming as her DD had been called a "spoilt little brat". She'd been to the Head (clearly a woman who should be in politics) who attempted to placate her by saying "Oh, it's all been taken out of context. What she actually said was "Stop behaving like a spoilt little brat"". Oh well, that's alright then!

The teacher never smiles and, as an adult, I find her quite intimidating. At the nativity, you could see the children's body language around her was very odd - they all seemed quite worried, heads down, hands in laps.

Am I being a bit precious? DS is in top group for reading and maths and I don't want him put of school by this old battleaxe! I feel like I want to raise it with the Head. WWYD?

And I have sat through four different performances this week. Only 2 of which had my DC in.

What sitandnatter said, And I am outstandingly plain-speaking, both to children and parents, but I would never speak to child in this way.

Of course there will be some that will be worried and nervous, but not all like the op described.

Over 100 in our nativity [one of many in a large primary]. Happy kids with seemingly no concept of nerves.. apart from 1st glance at parents!
Teachers made it fun and it was also well organised etc.
[These were 5/6/7 year olds].

Yes but my point is this

No matter how may anecdotes we get from parents who have watched millions of nativity plays over the years and the children have all been super confident and happy....the fact remains that performing in front of parents/strangers is not particularly a normal situation.

Therefore, it's a bit pointless to keep picking up on the body language thing in relation to their teacher.

I think YANBU. If I want to refer to my child as lazy or acting brattishly then I can (and I do!), but I wouldn't expect to hear it from a teacher at parent's evening.

I would have no problem calling a child lazy at parents evening if they were indeed lazy!

Or unkind and mean. Some children are unkind and mean to each other. They are not harsh terms.

Behaving "like" a spoiled brat is not the same as being called a spoiled brat either imo.

Yours

A Year 2 teacher.

OP, YANBU.

If the teacher has to resort to insults she clearly hasn't got the influence over / control of / respect of the children that she should. It isn't professional, and with children of that age being very literal, yes it can affect their self image.

Don't get me wrong, I expect my children to give the teacher their full attention and respect, and go out of my way to support the teacher on any disciplinary matter, but I wouldn't tolerate them being spoken to like this.

"but I wouldn't expect to hear it from a teacher at parent's evening."

Why not if that's how they behave in school. What exactly do you want to hear at parents evening?

The plain fact of the matter is that a child is never born lazy. The teacher should be keeping kids busy constantly so they are always doing something. At least that's what dds teacher says. You rarely get a lazy child. More like a bored child especially at this young age

"miss Jimmy took my Christmas sweeties and tipped them on the floor"

"That was unkind of you Jimmy, and mean. Say sorry to Jenny"

"Sorry Jenny"

"That's ok Jimmy"

"Right the two of you go and play something nice together, and Jimmy, share your sweets with Jenny as you took hers"

Fail to see a problem here....

Making a comment about behaviour (behaving "meanly") is one thing and fair enough.
Making judgement on a child's character ("lazy", "spoilt", "brat") is NOT ok.

"The teacher should be keeping kids busy constantly so they are always doing something...... You rarely get a lazy child"

ahahahahahaha! What planet are you living on? Your DD's teacher is either a saint or making it up.

Some children don't like writing/maths. They find it hard, they find it boring. They would rather chat to their friends/play outside/paint a picture than work through their sums/practice their handwriting. So if you give them sums/writing they sometimes spend quite a while staring out of the window, before being reminded to Get On With It.

Fact. Of. Life.

"How is Jimmy doing, generally?"

"Generally ok, but his attention wanders a lot during literacy. It is difficult to see sometimes what he can do, because he doesn't always try his best."

"Why is that?"

"Well he can be lazy, preferring to get finished and play, rather than taking time to produce his best work"

"Oh ok"

No problem at all here, that I can see...

*"but I wouldn't expect to hear it from a teacher at parent's evening."

Why not if that's how they behave in school. What exactly do you want to hear at parents evening?*

Um, something more constructive and insightful perchance......? Teachers are supposed to be the professionals. If I wanted to hear someone openly slagging off my DD for the sake of it, I'd just ask her grandfather.

see previous post, thepeoplesprincess.

Doesn't mean to say they are lazy cup!! Could be that they are just being kids!!!! Could be they have attention issues, could be like any of us that their strengths lie in writing not maths. Does not mean they are lazy!!!

I disagree that that's a constructive and insightful conversationactually.

"Yeah, your kid's just lazy"
"Oh ok then. Bye"

How is that going to help the child's education?

"How is Jimmy doing, generally?"

"Well he's behaving a bit like a spoilt little shit sometimes"

"Oh ok, well fair enough, as long as you're not actually saying he is a spoilt little shit?"

"Oh no, just like one"

"That's good then, whatever you say teach!"

Exactly they are just being kids, and some kids can be lazy!

I'm not saying a child is "a lazy brat" or "an unkind and mean person", but that in the same way that a child could be "perfectionist" or "helpful" or "kind" sometimes they can also be "lazy", "unkind" and "mean".

If a child is not motivated to produce their best work because they aren't interested or would rather be doing something else, I cannot see the problem in saying that the child can be lazy!

I simply don't see it as a insult. Its a statement of fact.

thepeoplesprincess you are being obtuse. If that was all that was said at parents evening, obviously that would be unacceptable. But saying a child can be lazy is fact.

What would you rather hear, out of interest? Bear in mind there are only 10 minutes available.....

It doesn't particularly matter whether it qualifies as an insult or not IMO. The fact is, teachers are trained (and paid) to work to develop our children's abilities. Not just stick a negative label on them and then fuck off down the pub.

What would you rather hear, out of interest? Bear in mind there are only 10 minutes available.....

Amazingly enough, I'd rather hear exactly what they were planning to do to d;evelop my child's particular weaknesses/strengths once identified.

Call me a mental if you will......

ok, picture golden time...

"Miss! MISS! MISS! Jimmy's got a Gold Star Wars card that I need for my Star Wars book and he won't give it to me! I want it! I WANT IT! GIVE IT TO ME!"

"Jenny don't be silly, you are behaving like a spoiled brat. It is Jimmy's card, not yours. You have your own."

Less defensible, actually. I would probably tell the child to stop being ridiculous and go and play somewhere else, Even so, its hardly worth a letter to the HT.

"Not just stick a negative label on them and then fuck off down the pub."

Now you're being ridiculous.