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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBu ......I probably am but I'm angry

109 replies

CreamolaFoamless · 16/12/2011 18:28

Eldest son;s girlfriend is living here .

She put £35 in to my bank account this month because £5 was apparently deducted (according to my son) because I didn't get her shopping one week

I did get her shopping

I'm livid and want to tell them both just 'fuck of and fend for yourselves'

OP posts:
KaraStarbuckThrace · 16/12/2011 19:38

Oh YADNBU to be angry. Your son's gf is VVVVVVVVVVVVVU!!

KatieScarlett2833 · 16/12/2011 19:38

But I can't think of you any other way

It is hardwired into my brain.

I'll try though, for you.

Wink
Original poster
CreamolaFoamless · 16/12/2011 19:40

OP, you are not her stepmother, nor are you her MIL. She is just some teenager who your son is seeing, and she is taking you for a complete mug. They both are. Kick the pair of them out and tell them to see who else will support them for that pittance.

I would love the courage to be able acutally do that Squeakytoy , I'm a complete push over when it involves my children .

OP posts:
MenopausalHaze · 16/12/2011 19:40

You sound like a bit of a sap OP - you allow yourself to be treated like this ergo this is how you will be treated. In fact, IMO you owe it to this girl to not accept this behaviour otherwise she'll go through life thinking this is ok. I'm not sure how it's your son's fault? It's clearly first and foremost HER fault and you need to put a stop to it.

HecateGoddessOfTwelfthNight · 16/12/2011 19:41

You didn't get her shopping? You mean for one week she didn't eat? I think not. What is she on about?

YANBU. She's got a nerve.

I would sit her down and tell her exactly how much it costs to live in the real world! Rent, utilities, food, etc. and tell her if she thinks she can manage that, she's welcome to try.

It doesn't matter if you are the bad guy. You aren't there to be their mate. If they are taking the piss, they need telling. Don't let them walk all over you. If they aren't happy with the arrangements - they aren't chained to a radiator, are they?

I'm so mad on your behalf I could come and read them the riot act myself Grin

Original poster
CreamolaFoamless · 16/12/2011 19:45

ok I'll make you deal KatieScarlett you can call me Creamy if you phone up the girlfriend and demand she gives me the missing £5

OP posts:
skybluepearl · 16/12/2011 19:45

how much does she give you for food shopping? if it's 35 per month that crap. 35 pounds a week will cover next to nothing either. maybe you should talk about splitting the costs of food/bills properly.

RagamuffinAndFidget · 16/12/2011 19:47

JSA is meant to pay for the essentials, nothing more. Therefore she should be giving you pretty much every penny she gets as you are giving her a place to sleep, food to eat, hot water to wash herself.. those are the things JSA is meant for. What is she doing with the other £40 a week?

If it was me I would write down everything she uses/eats in a week, work out the cost and then work out how much £10 covers. Then, if she continues to be unreasonable, she can have her £10 worth of stuff each week and she can sing for the rest.

YADNBU, I think I would have given the silly cow girl a slap by now.

KatieScarlett2833 · 16/12/2011 19:47

You know, I would.

Entitled little mare, how dare she upset you like this when you have been so bloody good to her. Angry

RIZZ0 · 16/12/2011 19:54

"Tell her she is an infestation mare and show her your weekly budget"

Grin

love it.

"You are an infestation mare!!" Going to use that...

HecateGoddessOfTwelfthNight · 16/12/2011 19:59

Creamola. I love you. You're a sweetheart with a heart as big as a bucket. But I have to be honest with you - you have got to toughen up. You are letting them take the total piss.

There is a time to be a softie and there is a time to be assertive.

Guess which one this is Grin

DigOfTheChristmasTreeStump · 16/12/2011 20:02

Creamola, how on earth can you possibly think you are being unreasonable? Tell her topull her weight in cqsh terms or practical hekp or show her the door. Her own mother did this, surely you can too. She is showing her disrespect for you son and his family.

RIZZ0 · 16/12/2011 20:08

"She is showing her disrespect for you son and his family".

This is true, and on the offchance she ends up being more than a teenage girl your son is seeing, you need her respect sooner rather than later. God forbid you do end up her MIL, you can't have someone who behaves like this controlling when you can and can't see your son.*

( *This may be a bit dramatisation but might help you find the courage to act Smile )

ShellyBoobs · 16/12/2011 20:13

The cheeky cow!

Tell her to fuck off. And when she's off, tell her to fuck some more!

I'll ring her and tell her to give you the fiver, if you like - and some more...

DitaVonCheese · 16/12/2011 21:39

If this is only the second payment, surely it's a missing £85? Why are you pissed off about a fiver?

GlueSticksEverywhere · 16/12/2011 21:48

Blimey! Why are you letting them treat you like this!? It must cost so much more then that with all the food and bills to house her (and him). Why are you paying her bills which is what they are?

How old are they?

Original poster
CreamolaFoamless · 16/12/2011 21:57

18 GlueSticksEverywhere

I know I'm too soft. I'm struggling to find the balance between telling them to fuck off out my house and being a mum

OP posts:
DigOfTheChristmasTreeStump · 16/12/2011 22:02

Remember, you are not her mum, she is taking liberties

Indaba · 16/12/2011 22:05

  1. Get her a MN registration and nickname.
  2. Point her to a pc. 3)Tell her to come on this thread and defend her position.

Indaba dons helmet and awaits fireworks! Grin

KeepInMindItsAlmostChristmas · 16/12/2011 22:06

Chuck the bitch out

KatieScarlett2833 · 16/12/2011 22:06

Is she on FB?

MrsWembley · 16/12/2011 22:09

There is a balance - use tough love. Give them an itemised list of how much they cost you. Then give them a list of things they can do to repay you if not in actual money. Tell them you love them but you will not look after them like this any longer as they need to learn what the real world is like. It's for their own benefit and yours.

Gingefringe · 16/12/2011 22:10

Sorry, OP but you need to get a grip and toughen up with these two. I am assuming your son is living rent free as he's a student. Surely one of them could get some sort of job between them?

The girlfriend is taking the piss completely. If you don't sort this out now she will carry on walking all over you. Does she contribute to the housework as she doesn't do anything else all day?

KeepInMindItsAlmostChristmas · 16/12/2011 22:19

Ask Santa for a spine and tell her to fuck off

DoesNotGiveAFig · 16/12/2011 22:28

Separate yourself - you obviously are kind enough to let them live with you rent and bill free, so instead of getting their shopping, make them get it themselves, and free yourself of the financial thing.

I have a housemate that is a great friend too, studying and as a favour living wiht us as it's near to study place. When she first came over, we combined shopping bill and ate together. It became a little bit messy, so we decided to split from that arrangement, and just suit ourselves. It works much better now, with no resentments either side in terms of the bill (ie one or the other feeling they are contributing more than they should).