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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect kids to keep their hands to themselves?!

123 replies

crapistan · 15/12/2011 10:53

Over the last week, I've had a kid of about 6 poking at my cellophane-wrapped chicken on the conveyor belt in the supermarket while queuing to pay. Her mum said nothing, and when I told her not to touch please she looked at me and carried on until I physically removed her hands.

Then my friend's 5 year old kept picking up my nice and fragile Christmas candle holders, despite being told several times to leave them alone.

Then....at school I had to supervise a group of 5 and 6 year olds for about 10 minutes who WOULD NOT leave the Christmas tree in the room alone. They started taking all the decorations off and seemed very affronted when I told them to put them back and NOT TOUCH THE TREE! (Apart from my dd who would not have dared and would not have been suprised to be shouted at if she did!)

My dcs are not angels by any means but they know they are not allowed to touch everything! AIBU to expect kids of this age to be able to keep their hands to themselves? Or am I stricter than most about this?

OP posts:
MrsSleepy · 15/12/2011 10:56

Think it's an age thing, My DD is 8 and is unable to keep her hands to herself, Always touching or poking something, Despite repeatedly being told not to.

Sorry this doesn't help but it right gets my goat too.

Chundle · 15/12/2011 11:01

I think some kids are raised differently that's the simple answer. My dd has ADHD and has trouble keeping hands to herself but there's no way on earth she would touch someone else's shopping! As I've raised her not to!!! She may fiddle with the leaflets on the stand or the newspapers but definatley not someone else's things. Hmmm the Xmas tree could've tempted her but if a mum told her not to I think she would've stopped and gone to fiddle with something else :)

Original poster
crapistan · 15/12/2011 11:02

Not sure why it annoys me so much, but it does. I suppose some people will say what's they problem, if they aren't breaking anything. Although I guess the supermarket poker would have gone through the cellophane eventually.

OP posts:
Original poster
crapistan · 15/12/2011 11:03

the problem, not they

OP posts:
OneHandFlapping · 15/12/2011 11:07

My kids would have been mortified to be asked to stop doing something by a strange adult, and would've complied immediately. I can't believe that girl of 6 carried on poking at your chicken. She apparently has no understanding of social boundaries.

Catsdontcare · 15/12/2011 11:08

Kids just like to touch. I remember when I used to teach at carpet time kids just used constantly stroke my shoes Hmm

MrsSleepy · 15/12/2011 11:09

Maybe the girl with your chicken has SN?

ChunkyPickle · 15/12/2011 11:16

Mine's a lot younger and I completely understand that the baubles on the Christmas tree are very, very, very appealing, but even he can normally be trained not to touch (the washing machine, the dishwasher, the oven are all out of bounds for instance). 5 year-olds should certainly know not to do it, especially if asked not to by a stranger!

Original poster
crapistan · 15/12/2011 11:17

Oh who knows. Can't blame everything on SN. Equally possible she is a kid who like to rule the roost surely?!

OP posts:
Original poster
crapistan · 15/12/2011 11:19

Well the Christmas tree touchers did stop eventually, but there were a couple of persistent ones I had to tell a few times!

OP posts:
TeaCider · 15/12/2011 11:23

SN or not, most parents of said child would instruct them not to touch surely? It's quite insulting to parents of children with SN to assume they wouldn't.

Original poster
crapistan · 15/12/2011 11:28

Now I'm wondering if they were foreign. Different cultural attitude to personal space maybe.

Or just being a madam.

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 15/12/2011 11:29

Apart from anything else, it is not a good idea at all for the child to be touching raw chicken - even if it's in the packaging. There could be bacteria from raw chicken on the outside of the cellophane, from contamination at the factory, and if the little girl eats something, or puts her fingers in her mouth, she could get a nasty stomach bug. For that reason alone she should have been stopped by her parents. But I would have been cross with a child touching any of my shopping, especially if they didn't stop when asked.

OP - what did the child's mum say/do when you removed her child's hands from your chicken? Was she at all concerned?

underbeneathsies · 15/12/2011 11:31

I think this has become a big problem because people babyproof their houses rather than house-train their children.

My DD knows not to poke around in other peoples houses and pick up ornaments, but on playdates, I've noticed all her little friends are very gung-ho about picking things up and even playing with them despite being told that they aren't toys and to please put them back down.
It's not like I have Fabrigé eggs, or anything, but some stuff is of sentimental value to me, and I'd prefer if it wasn't touched and played with as it might break.

What I really hate though is adults having a poke around - I mean, wtf.

I feel your pain!

Bucharest · 15/12/2011 11:35

YANBU and even more so wrt the food. Urgh.

Oh, and Bingo, would the chicken prodding child having SEN have made it OK that her mother did nothing to stop her prodding other people's food?

Thought not.

I can kind of understand the pretty ornaments, but from a toddler, not a 5 or 6 yr old.

(having a "foreign" Hmm daughter myself,I can assure you that prodding other people's chickens is not an accepted cultural norm)

Original poster
crapistan · 15/12/2011 11:36

The mum didn't say anything, I did wonder if she might be annoyed at me, but if she was, she didn't convey that. She didn't say anything to the girl either.

We did tend to have nice things higher up when the dcs were very little, mainly so they didn't get broken by accident. But there were things they had to learn not to touch as well - Christmas tree, DVD player etc. We're totally past that stage now and I have to move a few things if friends with very small dcs come over, but I think from about 2 or 3 they should know not to touch?

OP posts:
Original poster
crapistan · 15/12/2011 11:37

Bucharest I am sure your dd would not touch but believe me there are cultures where it is acceptable!

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sweetsantababy · 15/12/2011 11:37

How strange, of the parent not to say anything. Hmm I would be a bit concerned about the nasties in raw chicken, never mind its not their shopping.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 15/12/2011 11:38

Bucharest - is it just me, or does 'prodding someone's chicken' sound like some sort of euphemism? Xmas BlushXmas Grin

Crapistan - I am very surprised that she didn't at least tell her child not to put her fingers in her mouth until she'd washed her hands! Xmas Shock

Diamondback · 15/12/2011 11:40

I've noticed a lot of parents seem to have a problem with just telling their kids 'No' and 'Don't' firmly, calmly and simply. They either assume kids can't control themselves and have to be let do whatever, or they try to get into big adult conversations about the whys and wherefores with a two year old (ie, 'No Johnny, you musn't climb into baby Diamond's car seat and stomp on it, because it's not yours and it belongs to baby Diamond and...' etc, instead of just 'No, don't do that.')

Poking other people's food - cooked or uncooked - is just rude!

Original poster
crapistan · 15/12/2011 11:40

Hmm indeed being a chicken prodder does not sound appealling.

OP posts:
Original poster
crapistan · 15/12/2011 11:45

Actually I think I need to shop in a different place - the week before last the woman in front of me in the queue was changing her toddler's nappy with the toddler standing on the conveyor belt. She had obviously run out of nappies as she was using one from the new packet she was about to pay for. When she finished she let the toddler sit on the conveyor belt until it was their turn! Yuck!

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WhereTheWildThingsWere · 15/12/2011 11:46

Diamondback I think I love you, I cannot stand the constant expanations and justifications.

I really don't think it is good for children either, children need and like boundries, it gives them a feeling of safety.

Whatever happened to 'because I said so' ?

Grin
suburbandream · 15/12/2011 11:52

DS1 (9.5) is a constant fiddler, drives me mad! Last time he was fiddling I told him to put his hands on his head, like we used to have to do at school - he was gobsmacked but it made him stop Grin. Must run in the family though, my Dad always embarrasses me by telling everyone at family gatherings about the "pokey holes" I would always be leaving in cakes, pies etc that my mum made ....

HecateGoddessOfTwelfthNight · 15/12/2011 11:57

kids touch.

It's part of how they explore the world around them.

It is unreasonable to expect them to not do this, it's basically hardwired into them Grin explore the world through sight, smell, touch and taste.

It is not unreasonable to expect them to be taught that you can't do this and for parents to stop them from prodding other people's stuff.

Blame the parent, not the child.