to think dh is out of order regarding dd, and what should i do about it

[CarrieInAnotherTWOBabiTWINS]

yesterday when dh arrived home from work around 6pm, dd 4.5 didn't give him a big welcome, she just sort of ignorned him, he expects the big 'daddy your home' big hugs response.

so dh goes upstairs to get changed as he does everyday when he gets home, and dd follows asking for tickles.

dh went on to lecture her about how hes not going to play with her or give her tickles as she ignorned him when he got home.

and he didnt play with her or give her tickles

the dd came downstairs in tears saying daddy wont play with me

i had a go at him, telling him, not not refuse to play with her just because she doesnt behave like a show pony, giving him a big welcome home, i told him i dont always get an enthuastic greeting when i collect her from school but i certainly dont let it effect the way i treat her.

he got really pissed off and said lets talk about this later, which we didnt after dd went to bed as i went to bed early as i'm not very well atm.

so im going to have to talk to him about it tonight.

its like hes manipulating her to behave exactly as he thinks she should

I think pulling the other parent up is acceptable if it enables the child to see that what happened was not their fault.

It is very confusing to grow up, parented by someone who thinks you are there to please them, to make them happy and to stroke their ego. It's emotional abuse and if the other parent disputes the abuse then the child is less likely too feel that it was their fault.

Yes shouting is bad but i wouldn't leave it either because then the child would feel that she is wrong and he is right. And he wasn't right imo on this. Very stupid behaviour from him.

Quick update . He claims it was due to a bad day and won't happen again.

I don't know why some people are saying I shouldn't be shouting. Don't where you got that from because I never really shout , can even remember the last time I shouted. I don't belive in shouting or strops or bangingthings around.

But pulling them up in front of a NARC will result in Marc getting defensive and more than likely more adamant that they are right and the child is wrong even if it's not true.

A narc will not like to admit being wrong, which in turn might make the child feel worse in this case.

I would pull a parent to but from the sounds of this guy I wouldn't in front of the dd

I haven't been arguing with dh . But like I sais he has dine this before. Not on a regular basis but it has happened before . That's why I pulled him up on it, because I spoken to him about his before. I do think sometimes if its something you've already spoken about you can say in front of the child that's not on.
As the child.needs to know you don't find it acceptable.
Dd is not on the middle if some war just a disagreement
Any dh has said it won't happen again so better give him a chance then really

God, threads like this make me so fucking glad I don't have a wife (or a husband for that matter) following me around, overanalysing everything I do and then posting about on the internet to a bunch of bra-burners.

He came home in a shitty mood and was a bit snappy. Woop-de-fucking do.

"bunch of bra-burners" ?

What on earth has any of this to do with gender? In fact, I know a family with WOHM and SAHD and she acts a lot like Carrie's DH, and I judge her for it too.

What an utterly bizarre post by peoplesprincess. I used to get upset when my DS didn't greet me with great joy when I came home from 12 hours in the office and had to tell myself I was being ridiculous and to get a fucking grip. I certainly didn't punish him for it

Ahhh, thats better

It's not ridiculous in the slightest. Have you actually read the whole thread? Some of the posts read like some sort of Germaine Greer parody.

People being tired and grumpy is a perfectly normal everyday part of childhood. We've all done it and we've all been on the receiving end of it. It's normal and healthy to act like the human beings we are around our children.

There is no need to be so precious about children. Noone ever died or grew up to be a crack whore just because they got snapped at a few time as a kid.

That's our point thepeoples! People can be tired, grumpy, busy etc, like the 4yo probably was. It was her dad who couldn't accept that!

Actually people'sprincess I don't think it's acceptable to be grumpy OR snappy when you get in from work. It's not the people at home's fault! Why should they bear the brunt of it??

My dh used to be like that when he came in too - until I walked out on him with the kids for being a rude, miserable cunt. Nowadays he's perfectly pleasant when he gets in from work....just as he should be. I'm not his fucking sounding board and neither are the kids. His just-home-from-work crap was terrible, and I refused to make the kids be party to it any longer.

Whoop-de-fucking-do yourself you entitled git!

Oh and OP - yadnu! What a big baby he is!

thats ok then op/

I haven't read the whole thread,but my DH comes in after a physically tiring day and comes and sees his daughters to say hello to them because he's missed them and wants to see their little faces when he comes in.They respond with the "Daddy! Daddy!" bit quite naturally.When I come in from work I don't expect them to greet me.I go and say hello to them because I've missed them.I've never thought about this.I thought it was what everyone does.

I can't fathom out this personal offence that your OH seems to be taking OP!
I don't think you're being unreasonable but maybe instead of a big blow up you could suggest he goes and gives her a big cuddle when he comes in.