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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh keeping money from me!

117 replies

Memoo · 11/12/2011 21:14

I'm really rather cross about this!

Bit of background: Dh and I are broke. In arrears on our rent and other things. I have scrimped and saved all year and have managed to scrap together enough money to buy our Dc a few gifts each. I'm now struggling to find a way of having enough money to be able to do a good food shop for Xmas.

Today Dh has taken the Dc round to his parents for the day. I stayed home in bed as I've been ill.

They return this afternoon having had a lovely time. Dh tells me mil has given him some money for the dc to get them some clothes. I was really happy about that and very grateful.

Mil rang about an hour ago to see what I might buy the dc with the money and we talk about clothes etc. Right at the end of the conversation she mentions something about giving Dh a little something too.

I ask Dh about this when I come off the phone and he said oh yeah they gave me £20 petrol money.

I've just picked dh's jeans up to put in tbe washing machine and there was a £100 in his pocket. He came into the room and flushed when he saw I had the money in my hand. He then said he was going to tell me about. Yeah right!!

Why would he do this? We're struggling so much and he was basically after keeping £100 to his self!

OP posts:
cheesesarnie · 11/12/2011 23:15

my dh did/does similar.lies that hes paid bills,says he has no money then suddenly has a huge stash hes managed to save.

do what jux said.
also ask him what hes going to do with the money.then tell him hes a selfish twunt

fuzzynavel · 11/12/2011 23:27

OP, do you work? how comes he has such power over a hundred quid?

Original poster
Memoo · 11/12/2011 23:29

I'd rather not say what he's likely to spend it on. I know it's his problem but I'm ashamed to say. It's not drugs or anything illegal though.

If I ask him what he's planning to spend it on he'll just lie so there's no point.

OP posts:
Original poster
Memoo · 11/12/2011 23:31

No I don't work due to illness.

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 11/12/2011 23:31

he is the one that should be ashamed, memoo

fuzzynavel · 11/12/2011 23:32

Not being funny, I am a single parent and life isnt bad. I work and get tax credits. Its fine...

GypsyMoth · 11/12/2011 23:33

Gaming?

fuzzynavel · 11/12/2011 23:34

Does he squander all of it?

Original poster
Memoo · 11/12/2011 23:35

I am actually reaching a point where being a single parent looks like an option.

OP posts:
fuzzynavel · 11/12/2011 23:36

may i ask about your disability?

is he your carer?

Original poster
Memoo · 11/12/2011 23:36

Online porn Sad

OP posts:
GreenIceAndChristmasHam · 11/12/2011 23:38

Oh that's disgusting Sad I really feel for you

Original poster
Memoo · 11/12/2011 23:40

I don't have a disability as such. I developed depression after my dd was born 2 years ago. It spiralled and I ended up going through periods of psychosis and sometimes mania. I am stable on medication now but not well enough to work yet.

OP posts:
fuzzynavel · 11/12/2011 23:40

Oh, sweetheart. Im very sad for you.. have to go as need to sleep. I know that you will find the support you need on here without a doubt.

marriedandwreathedinholly · 11/12/2011 23:40

. It's better than kerb crawling though - marginally.

Original poster
Memoo · 11/12/2011 23:41

Bugger I'm so embarrassed now

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 11/12/2011 23:41

I remember now, memoo

Things still very bad then Sad

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 11/12/2011 23:42

you should not be embarassed

Original poster
Memoo · 11/12/2011 23:43

Things are as bad as ever Af Sad

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 11/12/2011 23:43

Oh Memoo :(

I know me and you dont see eye to eye on that subject at times, but if he is frittering away the money that you desperately need on it, I can bloody understand why you are so against porn.

I hardly need to point out that there is no sodding need to pay for it online either these days, so he is even more of a selfish idiot.

His behaviour is certainly not going to be any help towards you recovering from depression either.

Well, cash will not pay for anything online, so he must be using a bank account or credit card for it. Can you get them stopped?

FabbyChic · 11/12/2011 23:44

My son who is at Uni is paying for the food over Christmas, neither really like turkey anyway we only eat it once a year, so as its his money he can decide what meat we eat. There is only three of us.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 11/12/2011 23:44

I am really sorry to hear that Sad

1Catherine1 · 11/12/2011 23:44

FabbyChic - If you have an income which means you don't need housing benefit why aren't you paying the rent, rent is the first thing you pay when you get paid, second is council tax, then gas and electric then food, then food then debts come last.

Really? This isn't the way I organize it, Rent - gas & electric - food - council tax - debts. Having my DD warm and fed in number 1 priority for me. I pay council tax whatever I can afford. This years bill is going to run over to next year as I didn't get my bill until I'd been here over 3 months.

I would be asking him straight if he intended to use that money to pay something towards the rent, if he says no demand to know why! If he refuses to hand it over it would be the final straw for me. My OH often has his own stash of cash and today I joked how I have bill money and he has him money - he laughed and said "I know". He keeps his tips for him but push comes to shove and he hands it straight over to me if I tell him we're in trouble.

Original poster
Memoo · 11/12/2011 23:46

He has a debit card from our account. I don't think I am able to stop that. He swears that he won't do it again though but I know its just lies. I'm just waiting for the next time.

OP posts:
Jux · 11/12/2011 23:47

Oh really, now that's too much. Definitely phone his mum - grab the stash now by the way, it's so you all get something to eat at Xmas - and tell her that he told you "she'd given him £20 for petrol, but you've found this mass of. Oney, and she's just so generous, but the petrol doesn't cost that much so it can't have come from her can it, because he said she'd only given him £20..." and prattle on making sure she knows he lied to you aboutnhow much she'd given him and somehow or mother let slip that you know that she wouldn't have given him that much what with his online porn habit, oops, no you never said that.

Dob him in it. She needs to know that he lies to you, she needs to know that it is not safe to give him cash but should give it to you. For all you know that money is what he has failed to spend on his children's clothes....