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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh keeping money from me!

117 replies

Memoo · 11/12/2011 21:14

I'm really rather cross about this!

Bit of background: Dh and I are broke. In arrears on our rent and other things. I have scrimped and saved all year and have managed to scrap together enough money to buy our Dc a few gifts each. I'm now struggling to find a way of having enough money to be able to do a good food shop for Xmas.

Today Dh has taken the Dc round to his parents for the day. I stayed home in bed as I've been ill.

They return this afternoon having had a lovely time. Dh tells me mil has given him some money for the dc to get them some clothes. I was really happy about that and very grateful.

Mil rang about an hour ago to see what I might buy the dc with the money and we talk about clothes etc. Right at the end of the conversation she mentions something about giving Dh a little something too.

I ask Dh about this when I come off the phone and he said oh yeah they gave me £20 petrol money.

I've just picked dh's jeans up to put in tbe washing machine and there was a £100 in his pocket. He came into the room and flushed when he saw I had the money in my hand. He then said he was going to tell me about. Yeah right!!

Why would he do this? We're struggling so much and he was basically after keeping £100 to his self!

OP posts:
andaPontyinaPearTreeeeee · 11/12/2011 21:44

YANBU - because of the history :(

Original poster
Memoo · 11/12/2011 21:45

The thing is if I ask him he'll just string me a line. We have reached a point where I have no idea what is true anymore. He'll just say whatever he thinks is the thing that will get him off the hook.

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 11/12/2011 21:48

Sorry but ask him for it, don't wait.

Why are you behind with your rent? If you have an income which means you don't need housing benefit why aren't you paying the rent, rent is the first thing you pay when you get paid, second is council tax, then gas and electric then food, then food then debts come last.

Original poster
Memoo · 11/12/2011 22:04

It's long and complicated and you wouldn't believe me if I told you fabby.

OP posts:
fuzzynavel · 11/12/2011 22:06

Is this a first? I'd initially be cross of course that is natual. You need to ask him.

marriedandwreathedinholly · 11/12/2011 22:08

Sorry. Hope things get better for you.

RandomMess · 11/12/2011 22:08

I would speak to MIL - say thank you very much for giving dh £100 I'm really upset he told me it was £20 petrol money, why do you think he is lying about it?

GypsyMoth · 11/12/2011 22:10

How can you live with someone like this? It's no relationship is it?

He lies so you no longer know what's true? I would suggest he uses the money for deposit on a room on a shared house, I really would

cat64 · 11/12/2011 22:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

scentednappyhag · 11/12/2011 22:13

Fabby- that's not really the point of the original post is it?

Original poster
Memoo · 11/12/2011 22:20

It isn't a relationship no. Im at a stage where Im considering my options but no ready to make any decisions.

I hate been lied too. I've told him before that I can cope with anything but just don't lie to me because I can't bare it.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 11/12/2011 22:22

My ex was like that memoo. He lied so well he believed himself!

When I left the relief was almost tangible. When itsyour turn you'll know what I mean.

fuzzynavel · 11/12/2011 22:23

Ok, its now become apparent that this is a long line of his lying ways.

Actually fabby you talk a lot of sense (probably read a few of prevous threads) and being concerned about important issues.

Is it a shock to you OP? or are you just re-affirming his ways?

WhoopsyLa · 11/12/2011 22:24

My MIL always gives money to me...not DH...it's because she says only I know what the family REALLY needs..DH might think we need to pay a certain bill or to replace a houshold item..while I would buy DC clothing...or use it for something more treatlike (we ont get many) and DH wouldn't make itt go so far...if I were you OP I would tel DH to cough up the 100...all of it....

WhoopsyLa · 11/12/2011 22:25

Whip the lot and use it for food plus a nice little treat for DH and yourself...

fuzzynavel · 11/12/2011 22:26

Leopards do not change their spots. We'd like to think so, but it's few and far between.

So, OP, have you asked him?

Original poster
Memoo · 11/12/2011 22:27

It wasn't a shock really, I'm always waiting for the next thing anyway.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 11/12/2011 22:33

I can't believe you handed it back to him tbh!

snuffaluffagus · 11/12/2011 22:46

why did you give him the money back? What do you think he was/is going to spend it on?

FabbyChic · 11/12/2011 22:49

Ask him what he intends to do with this money.

And what he intends you all eat over Christmas, Im not having turkey I be fucked if Im paying minimum £12 for a turkey for me and my kids, I've already talked to them and we having a £4 quid chicken instead.

Jux · 11/12/2011 22:53

Phone your MIL and ask her how much she gave him. Tell her you found this massive stash of cash and couldn't believe she'd been so generous......

MenopausalHaze · 11/12/2011 22:53

Sounds a bit losersville to me fabby - still, if you're happy with that. Poor kids though..........

GypsyMoth · 11/12/2011 22:58

Fabby.... You can get turkey joints cheap enough

Original poster
Memoo · 11/12/2011 22:59

I kind of threw it at him rather than hand it to him but I get your point.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 11/12/2011 23:15

what is he likely to spend it on?

If he has a track record for blowing money on shite, gambling etc, then I would now tell him to hand it over.

I completely take back what I said before about it being saved for a xmas present, in light of what you have said since, and apologies for that.

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