At what age do you think its 'socially acceptable' to have kids?

[Sparklesandglitter]

Maybe not in the right forum but...
Nearly 30 has suddenly crept up on me and I have started thinking, at what age does "oh my god xxx is pregnant, I wonder what she will do?" turn in to "oh my god xxx is pregnant its so exciting!!!" is it an age thing, or if somebody has been in a relationship for 4years and is trying for a baby but is 18 is that ok given some people aged 30 have been together for 2years may start trying?
I don't know I'm just trying to work out, given most of my peers have multiple children, some at secondary school, some married, some divorced. At what age do you think it's "socially acceptable"?? (maybe I'm just feeling old and left behind!!lol)

I think it's more to do with how 'secure' their life is at the time of pregnancy.

Even if someone already had kids and a stable relationship, if they were about to have their home reposessed or something, I'd think "Oh my god"

Age doesn't come into it too much imo

Depends on which bit of society you live in. I should imagine there are part of the country where it is odd if you don't have at least one child by 25 and other parts where it is odd if you do! I don't think there is one right answer - depends on the norms of the bit of society you live in.

I second what Worra said. I'd look at the position the person was in (job, where they were living, finances, relationship) before the age. However, younger people are less likely to have all of the above as opposed of someone in their 20/30/40s. Doesn't make them bad parents, but let's face it. It will be more of a struggle for them.

So if somebody was, say, 19 had a stable job an relationship and got pregnant would that be ok or would people still think "she's so young she's missing out on life?"
Not really sure there is a "right" answer I'm just interested is all and I totally accept that it's up to a person to decide what is right for them.
I know so many small minded people look down on young mums I'm just thinking at what age do you stop being a young mum?possibly I'm thinking far to deeply for a Saturday morning lol!!!

You need to be mature in yourself to have children.

Ther are some mature 19yos - and some very immature 40yos!

Totally depends.

Around 26-37 I would consider 'normal'. 20 - 25 I would think of as a young mum in a nice way. Below 20 I would think was a bit of a pity that they didn't have a chance to experience their teenage years to the full. 38 - 45 I would think of as a more mature mum. 45 to 50 I would think was oldish. Older than 50 would suprise me. But in all age ranges there are brilliant mums, natural mums, lazy mums, everything.

It depends on circumstances though. To an extent on culture, financial stability, relationship status, maturity etc.

But to me it is never socially unacceptable to have a baby unless it's extreme ages either way (like 13, or 60).

How socially acceptable it is often depends on ones social circle.

I'm 32 and the last 18 months I've felt a definite shift from the prevailing attitude being "oh my god Xxxx is pregnant" as you describe to a sense that people are wondering what the hell DP and I are doing not starting a family yet.

I'm not sure OP, DH and I are 27 and 28 and people are always telling me we are "far too young to think about any of that stuff [having kids]" without knowing that we are in fact TTC. People said exactly the same, and sometimes were extremely rude about our ages when we got married aged 24/25... I sometimes wonder if part of it is because I look young (look about 22 ish).

I personally think that around my age is the youngest that it is "acceptable" by much of society, but in the circles I move in under 30 is pretty much sneered at. I know my parents will be quite shocked and think we're too young when we finally get a BFP (assuming it's sometime soon!!!) despite them having their first at 22 in the 1970s.

same i think its the situation, 18 yr old working for 2 years with partner of four years, renting and doing well (with a good head) is surely a better set up than a 30 yr old one night stand baby to a daft lady who didnt know you could get pregnant if you blinked at the moment of conception and doesnt 'get' working ayy?

because i know both....

(ok the blinking bit was made up but is not far off)

32

So if somebody was, say, 19 had a stable job an relationship and got pregnant would that be ok or would people still think "she's so young she's missing out on life?

No, I'd think they're just having their family early and will catch up on what they 'missed out on' when they're around 40 (remember the old saying 'life begins at 40')

I would also think that it may not work out like that for them as divorce rate is so high, there's every likelihood they'll split in later years and probably have a baby with someone else.

I get what Worra is saying but I still think there are different expectations of what is socially acceptable based on where you live. In some parts of the country the chances of a 19 yr old being in a stable job would be almost non existent. I would imagine if that teenager got pregnant at 19 with or without a job, nobody in their part of society would bat an eyelid or think there way anything wrong with this. If that same teenager lived in some middle class area where it was normal for everybody to go to univercity then getting pregnant at 19 would not be socially acceptable. It would cause a hell of an upset to everybody.

For me you should be over 25, married and reasonably financially secure (at least one of you has a job that pays the bills) but I entirely accept that my version of acceptable is not somebody else's. I am a product of my part of society and others are a product of theirs so I really don't think there is a right answer to this or that one answer will fit all.

Shit, Fabby, I better get busy, only 3 months left!

By the time you hit your mid-30's your eggs are starting to perish.

Don't care we are living longer blah blah we aren't staying younger longer internally. That is also a factor.

28-30 is usual for a first baby these days.

If this helps, I was 20 when I found out I was pregnant. Complete accident and even though I'm personally against termination, I honestly considered it. I felt so ashamed of myself. I even contemplated suicide because I was so disappointed in myself for being a young mum.

All I got were disapproving looks and comments which increased when my bump started showing. It was absolutely awful and although I wouldn't change it for the world because of my beautiful DS, I would have preferred not having a baby until my late 20's. I felt like such a social pariah. My mother and my partner are the only ones who were never negative about it so without them I probably would have crumbled.

What's acceptable changes over time as well

Years ago it was common to marry at around 17 or 18yrs old and start a family straight away.

But I suspect that was due to the fact having children out of wedlock was unacceptable.

I would say under 21 is young. 21 - 29 is normal and 30+ is older mum based on my own life experiences. Its all going to differ on where you live

That's awful Stealth. How cruel you were made to feel that way

Plus I think part of it is social class and economics. I am pregnant for the first time at 39, and live in a pretty grungy/grubby bit of north London - all the other pregnant women I see in the waiting room at my GP's surgery are very young. Honestly, I don't think I've ever seen another pregnant woman who looked to be aged more than in her early 20s there (which makes me feel like the Queen of the Withered Crones at times ).

However, the midwife who attends my surgery also visits another one in a much more middle-class area not far away, and she says that there she sees more pregnant women over 40 than under 30.

I would say my own is I would never have a child without being married and without us both working.

I was 35 when I had my 3rd ...... one of the girls in my ward was 14 - her mother was younger than me and I don't think her grandmother was much older

There is n approximately two week period in a woman's life when it moves from 'you're too young to have a baby, you're ruining your life, how irresponsible' to 'the right time'.

Straight after that, you move into 'you've left it too late, you focussed on your career, you were too selfish, tick tock tick tock'.

unfortunately, no one can tell you when exactly those two weeks are....

Anything over 18, depending obviously on the readiness/maturity. Twenties seem to me the best time to have children, both from a medical pov and also you'll be young when they will have flown the nest. But that's just what I did and I wouldn't judge younger or older mums.

Where we live the norm is to settle early and have had at least one baby by your mid twenties. I'm 29 and have 4 dd's of 10,6,4&3 and I'm most definitely finished. I think there would be more raised eyebrows if I had another baby now than there were when I was 19.

Most of my friends are about the same age as me. I would say nearly all of us had children late 20s to mid 30s. I was 35 when I had my youngest, DD 14, but one of her best friend's grandmother is younger than I am!