At what age do you think its 'socially acceptable' to have kids?

[Sparklesandglitter]

Maybe not in the right forum but...
Nearly 30 has suddenly crept up on me and I have started thinking, at what age does "oh my god xxx is pregnant, I wonder what she will do?" turn in to "oh my god xxx is pregnant its so exciting!!!" is it an age thing, or if somebody has been in a relationship for 4years and is trying for a baby but is 18 is that ok given some people aged 30 have been together for 2years may start trying?
I don't know I'm just trying to work out, given most of my peers have multiple children, some at secondary school, some married, some divorced. At what age do you think it's "socially acceptable"?? (maybe I'm just feeling old and left behind!!lol)

I felt bang on average at my ante-natal classes and now at toddler group. I was 30 when I got pregnant.

I really wanted to get pregnant in my late 20s but it took me nearly 2 years to conceive - wish I'd started much earlier!

I really really do not believe that in 2011 anyone 'slings mud' at women for being a single mother as the result of divorce. I just think that is a stupid chippy statement to make and completely untrue.

I also disagree that women are discrimated against for being single mothers regardless of finances. I think the vast majority of people could not give a flying stuff whether you are married, co-habiting or single, though choice or through circumstance - they are only concerned with whether both the man and the woman have thought through whether they can manage to support the children you have (financially and otherwise) without an over-reliance on the state.

'The idea that the ideal way to raise a family is in a heterosexual LTR is a very recent social construction that needs to change.'

Really? Very recent and it needs to change? I'd have said the exact opposite. It is a very very old social construct, and IS changing rapidly, and has been for the last 25 years.

I cannot begin to imagine what you mean by that statement.

they have, sorry not you have

I'm 24, and will be when PFB arrives, I am also now single, but i've worked since my NI number came through, including whilst at uni, i'm now on Mat leave in a company i've worked for since I was a part time student worker. I don't need any support off the state to raise my child, so with the exception of the unexpected breakdown of my relationship, I feel that I was in an adequate position to start my family. I believe we're all capable of planning how we want our lives to play out but at the end of the day, none of us can predict the future and you just have to run with it. :)

And I also disagree with there is this supposed '2 week' window when it is ideal to have babies; before that you are too young and after it you are too old. In reality there is a window like that but it's actually rather a wide window.

I doubt many people would frown or fret over anyone between 25-35, and ten years is a long time. And of course if you already have children then no-one bats an eyelid if you carry on up until 40. But people will start to get very twitchy once you get past 38, if you still haven't got started, and not without good reason.

Im not sure what the right answer is TBH if you are happy and secure then any age really I was young 21 and it didnt seem very acceptable , most of the girls my age 40 have kids in primary stil or lower high school , and i have 1 thats an adult , some of them think its a bit weird others think im damn lucky as i have no school runs can do what i like . I dont care whast socially acceptable I think its up to the individual , although 15 isnt ideal .

Can you leave school at 16 or 18 now? Anyway whenever that is to 50

I was 23 when I had my first, 30 when i had my last -DD3. I think 23 is young, different kettle of fish at 30.

I remember a friend once asking me when I thought Id have babies, I was early 20's at the time. I didnt know at least 30 I said, she said she wanted to be 26/27 I was thats far to young.

Im 33 next month and just had DC3, first one I was 25. She is also 32 and has no children and is not planning to just yet. Funny how perceptions change.

Ive never classed myself as a young mum, but just recently Ive seen facebook status's by young mums with their age they gave birth at the end and this led to a discussion by how old is the oldest you could be a young mum for and most people seemed to think 25. So looking at that and taking into consideration that I know I look younger than my years (I remember being 31 and telling a collegue I was 26 and she genuinely believed me) so wonder what people thought of me with my big pregnancy belly just before DS was born esp since I took my wedding ring off due to it digging in and hurting (Ive still not put it back on, but I am happily married with 3 children all got same dad - unfortunately we are ATM relying on benefits until I go back to work as I was unexpectantly made redundant a month before I found out I was PG with DC3. I plan to go back to work in March/April assuming I can find a job of course) So for me I reckon I can lie and pass for being 27ish with 3 children and no sign of a wedding ring - what do people think when they see me?

Well obviously everyone's 'ideal' age is highly dependent upon them being in a place of opprtunity as well!

When I was in my 23/24 I was in no hurry whatsoever, and could not envisage a baby before 30, but my PFB was born a few months before I was 27. Needless to say my situation changed hugely in that time.

at what age does "oh my god xxx is pregnant, I wonder what she will do?" turn in to "oh my god xxx is pregnant its so exciting!!!"

Personally I found my thinking changed like this when I myself was starting to be ready to have children.

So when I felt a long way off having children, and wouldn't have wanted to be pregnant, my reaction was "oh my god, what will she do". Then a couple of years ago when I began thinking about having DC, it started to become "gosh, scary but exciting". Now I'm TTCing and it's "how wonderful and why isn't it me yet"

In other words - it's not about the age of the pregnant woman at all really. (Unless she is under 18 which I would still be a bit about). It's about me projecting how I feel and imagining that the pregnant woman must feel the same...

This forum has been very useful for a research project I am looking at on the concept of age being a number.

I was wondering if anyone could fill these surveys out for a university project it would really help:

www.surveymonkey.com/s/CTYNG2M
www.surveymonkey.com/s/V7Q52J7

Thank you so much, they take a few minutes each and the results would greatly benefit from your responses.

Totally depends on who you mix with socially when it comes to what age is considered socially acceptable, but I think that most people take other stuff into account - is she financially stable, is she working, is she in a stable relationship, is she on benefits etc etc etc.

I have known some women to be very sneering about women who have DCs in their 20s. I have a lot of friends and acquaintances who do the whole 'Urrrgghh people I know are getting married and having kids! They are still SO YOUNG!' (I'm 28 later this year). My MIL is very suspicious and derisive of women who 'delay having children until their 30s'. I am having DC1 in May and have had a couple of 'Ooh, you're so young!' comments but a lot of my friends are from church where no-one bats an eyelid about people having kids in their 20s if they're married. When I've been to the hospital for scans I would say that a LOT of the women I see in the waiting area are younger than me.

With most of the people my age I mix with, the socially acceptable thing seems to be that you have to have 'had a life' first before thinking about children. Working/career, lots of nights out, travelling, 'having fun', basically.

Well, you won't like my opinion but, apart from silly girls who become pregnant at 17 and younger, I don't think age comes into it. In my book, marriage should come before even thinking about having a child. With the exception of widows and divorcees (oh, and rape victims), I have no sympathy and can give no support to single mothers.

Catch a grip RuleB re:the single mothers bit.

Single mothers are single for lots of reasons and many times are single from no doing on their own part.

Should a mother say in an abusive relationship because you don't like it? Don't think so. Is anyone actually asking you to support single mothers?

Yeah, blame silly 17 year old girls, it does take more than just a silly 17 year old to make a baby.

I was in a stable relationship. We both had good jobs and our own home. All I wanted in life was a husband, children, a car and a dog. I never wanted a high flying career and I never wanted to go to uni. I started trying at 20 and after a miscarriage went on to have my amazing baby boy 15 weeks ago at the age of 21. Everybody I know was delighted for us. And I am loving every moment of motherhood and would never change it for the world. I don't class my self a 'young mum' 20 was the normal age to have kids say 30-40 years ago

Had my first at 24. Everyone in our circle behaved as though I were a teenage mum. Most of them had their first at around 30 - 32

I had DS1 at 21 and DS2 at 34. So I will pretty much spend my life with kids at home, especially if we have a DC3 at some point (I'm nearly 35 now so it's if rather than when). I'm fine with it but many people are quite intrusive about which one of them was an accident.