At what age do you think its 'socially acceptable' to have kids?

[Sparklesandglitter]

Maybe not in the right forum but...
Nearly 30 has suddenly crept up on me and I have started thinking, at what age does "oh my god xxx is pregnant, I wonder what she will do?" turn in to "oh my god xxx is pregnant its so exciting!!!" is it an age thing, or if somebody has been in a relationship for 4years and is trying for a baby but is 18 is that ok given some people aged 30 have been together for 2years may start trying?
I don't know I'm just trying to work out, given most of my peers have multiple children, some at secondary school, some married, some divorced. At what age do you think it's "socially acceptable"?? (maybe I'm just feeling old and left behind!!lol)

Vivi - It made me feel completely shitty. I was catching a bus to the nearest town and some awful old hag made some very pointed comments about the welfare state, people "reproducing just so they can steal our houses" and how some children were being born to parents who'll influence them towards a life of drink and drugs.

It doesn't help that I look a year or two younger than I actually am, but in my opinion I was nowhere near deserving of such hostility. I even took to wearing one of my mothers rings so that, inevitably, when someone looked at my bump and then to my finger, I'd have something there that stopped the sighs, the eye-rolling and the passive-agressiveness.

I have to say I was married at 20 and DD at 23 and only ever had lots of positive comments. I know some young mums that have had stuff said but I still think people judge you for not being married and think it means you are on benefits

I would say once you've left full time education and have a steady job it is 'acceptable'. Eg if a 21 yo in their last year of uni got pregnant I'm sure it would raise a few eyebrows. If a 21yo who had been working since age 17-18 with a steady job/partner got pregnant it wouldn't be such a surprise.

It also depends on the area you live/people you know I guess. I had my first at 28- I am 32 now and round by 'ere I feel like a teenage mum sometimes- most of the preschool mums seem to be in their late 30s/ early 40s. I was the first of my group of friends, now they all seem to suddenly be having or trying for their first now, age 32/33.

I would say once you've left full time education and have a steady job it is 'acceptable'. Eg if a 21 yo in their last year of uni got pregnant I'm sure it would raise a few eyebrows. If a 21yo who had been working since age 17-18 with a steady job/partner got pregnant it wouldn't be such a surprise.

It also depends on the area you live/people you know I guess. I had my first at 28- I am 32 now and round by 'ere I feel like a teenage mum sometimes- most of the preschool mums seem to be in their late 30s/ early 40s. I was the first of my group of friends, now they all seem to suddenly be having or trying for their first now, age 32/33.

I think, as a previous poster has mentioned, it's so common for people to have children from more than one relationship that the "acceptable" age has widened considerably, in that even women who had their children early might have another much later on.

Certainly in ds's P1 class there's a wide age range of parents. Some are in their early/mid 20s, some are in their 30s, some are in their 40s-60s (mainly fathers). quite a few of the older parents also have much older children.

I'd say round our way it was "socially acceptable" to have your children aged 18-50.

My parents would have probably felt it was "socially acceptable" for me to have children between the ages of 23 and 33. I think they'd pretty much written me off by the time I finally had ds at 34, and I do wonder what my mum will be secretly thinking if I ever do manage to conceive dc2, because it won't be this side of 40 at this rate.

As we speak, I'm heading up the M6 for my annual Xmas shindig with my uni Friends. Of us 7 women, all aged 32, not one of us has had kids yet. I think that's no coincidence.

Possibly a big part of why we're friends is because there is commonality in our values and upbringings. We all have had it drummed into us since childhood that we ought to be self-reliant, we don't need a man, rather encouraged to find equal partnerships once we've found our own way in the world. Right or wrong, that's pretty much what we've all done. And it seems that finding our own way in the world takes time. We met at art school and I think it could be argued that it takes longer to establish a career as a creative that in many other fields. Even longer to get to a stage of financial stability. it's only just occurred to me, but interestingly, all 5 of us who are in relationships are the major breadwinner and are more secure in our careers than our respective partners.

Having kids before now has never even felt like an option open to any of us, and that has probay been exacerbated by the lack of social pressure in that sphere to do so.

I think it depends on individual circumstances. I'm 24 and pregnant with my first. This time last year my mum was begging me not to get pregnant until my late twenties and to get married first, then I got poorly at the start of this year and was told I wouldn't be able to conceive without help. We were all devastated and started trying immediately to get onto the relevant lists ASAP. I got pregnant a few months later with my little miracle and my family are completely over the moon.

Man, posting on a IPhone in a car is hard

I had my DS at 20. I was in a full time job. No one commented about my age, I was an adult. Stealth penguin I feel really sorry that you had such negative comments toward you.

I would say socially unacceptable would be percieved as below the age of consent and above the age of menopause (50's).

I am 31 and we are ttc our 2nd, I have friends who have already had 2 or 3 kids and friends that aren't in the position to have kids yet even though they are working and in long term relationships. It's more down to personal circumstance rather than what is deemed "acceptable" by society nowadays.

Man, posting on a IPhone in a car is hard

Just grip the steering wheel with your feet

Vivi- maternal cravings also come into play. I am a LP (widowed) i have been both a SAHM and the breadwinner, i work long hours now, in avery rewarding (emotionally) career. I know i don't need a partner (male or female) but i am considering fostering because i enjoy looking after and nurturing children. I wanted children from an early age, to wait wouldn't have worked for me as i had health problems which meant a big age gap.

Thank heavens for cruise control and automatic gearboxes, eh? Think I might whip up a Souffle after Knutsford....

I gave birth to DS 9 months ago at 23. None of our uni or school friends have had children and it doesn't look set to happen for a very long time.

We were engaged (got married when DS was 8 weeks as our plans for a big wedding didn't seem like a priority. We just wanted to be married) and had been living together at uni and then ever since, both had jobs.

DH's family are from a different part of the country (rural) and were very happy as soon as we told them. My family are in a london commuter belt and were shocked, and it my mothers case, distraught dfor a while. Obviously she came round and is thrilled with DS.

I don't know if it was the areas that made it acceptable/unacceptable or other factors (DH is oldest in his family and had a brother with a baby whereas I have a much older sister without a child)

SiL was pg at 35, majority reaction was "oh fuck...."
I got pg at 22, majority reaction was "yaaaaaay...."

do with that random piece of info what you will

Oh I don't doubt it, Birds I think we've become accustomed to suppressing them. I know I have. And I also know nature won't allow us to do that forever.

I think that in my head, getting pregnant shouldnt complicate your academic education. so whilst still happily in education (be it school college or uni)
However, if you left school at 16 are happy and stable in your relationship then age would't come into it.

For me it is more how complicated someones life has to be to have the baby.

I also understnad on re-reading that that it can be very complicated to stop work for a while to have a baby so perhaps I am not wording it rught.

as for the upper end of the age group, as upsetting as it is for some people to come to terms with the idea of now being "too old" to have a baby that time should come. For me I don't think a first child should be born after mid 40's
not sure why I think that it is different first child or subsequent children, maybe it is that being alone thing once parents have died?

Someone upthread said they would regard someone pregnant at 45-50 as"oldish". I think it's a sign of the times that people think getting pregnant at that age is anything other than miraculous. The chances of conceiving naturally at 45 are virtually nil, and having conceived, the chances of carrying to term are virtually nil, and having carried to term, the chances of delivering a healthy child aren't much better. IVF is always blithely mentioned as if it's as simple as popping out the chemist.

Wake up and smell the coffee ladies - its not a matter of when it is socially acceptable - Mother Nature didn't get the memo.

PMSL @ the souffle after Knutsford

I think with so many relationships breaking down and so many people having more kids in new relationships, childbirth is probably the biggest bridge in age gaps nowadays.

There are young teens/early 20's just starting out and 40+ doing it all over again.

Had my first at 24, degree, marriage, own house, steady job and a couple of years to enjoy it first. Perfect. Obviously a lot of people don't have their heads screwed on at that age but I certainly did. Ime children don't mean the end of your life, you just bring them along for the ride!

trois- women's eggs start deteriorating at age 25, not 35 as most people think.

There were more teenage Mums in the 1950s than now, the only difference was that they were married Mums.

I had a DC at 27 and was 'sneered at' by the 40something mums at toddler groups for being 'too young'. IME women from outside the UK are far less judgmental about this.

In circles where girls are expected to go to university and have careers as opposed to jobs then anyone giving birth below at least late 20s is frowned upon.

But we cant win. Women who wait until 35+ who then have fertility problems are told it's their own fault!

No one cares how old men are...

Oh I don't know. I've often thought someone was a bit too young or a bit too old to be a Dad.

Are you saying Des O'Connor didn't raise a few eyebrows? I think he was about 74 when he fathered a baby.

I think 'Oh my word' when a woman has her first child at 30+

BUT I look back at myself having a first child at 18 and think 'Oh my word'

I think it's lovely when a person is having their first ages 24-28.

Where I live having babies around that age is normal and well thought of, whereas having kids older is less well thought of than having kids younger. I know nobody that has had a baby over the age of 40 and would be very very if someone locally did. I am aware though that women having their first child aged 40+ is getting more normal/ common in many other parts of Britain.

Different depending where you live, and your situation.

I should clear up that having babies around 24-35 is normal where I live, not just 24-28...

Actually I have just thought of one mum who has had her last baby. She could be around the age of 40. I better not ask :o

I think it depends on the circumstances.

I had my daughter at the age of 19, but i wouldn't have called myself a teen mum as I was married, settled, had my own property and also had well paid full time job. I was also very mature for my age. I see people who are older than me and have children but they aren't ready or settled, which I think is wrong.