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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be cross my dh wont go to the doctor

36 replies

callmedizzy · 09/12/2011 13:02

My dh has been complaining about getting headaches for about a year and takes many paracetamol, now he told me yesterday (only because I saw) that he gets nose bleeds along with headaches (could be high blood pressure)....he didnt want to tell me because he knew i would tell him to see dr, which I did, I got cross with him and told him i would make app and i would be cross if he left me with 3 young children, but he is still refusing to go!! What to do??? ( his Dad passsed a couple of years ago withheart problems, he could be worried)

OP posts:

minciepie · 09/12/2011 13:04

YANBU at all

What is his reason for not wanting to go to the doctor?

Crosshair · 09/12/2011 13:05

yanbu.

bribe him?

redwineformethanks · 09/12/2011 13:05

write to his GP yourself in the hope he / she writes to ask him to come in for a "routine check up"?

LineRunnerCrouchingReindeer · 09/12/2011 13:06

How much paracetamol is he taking? He needs to watch that.

I'd ring up and make him an appointment.

HecateGoddessOfTwelfthNight · 09/12/2011 13:07

he should be very careful taking paracetamol, that he doesn't go over the limit even by a tablet or two. I have been reading recently that you can take an overdose if you take it over a long period of time, even if you don't go over the dose massively. It builds up in your system and can be fatal.

here

MorelliOrRanger · 09/12/2011 13:08

YANBU - of course you aren't. You're worried about him and I think your DH is worried and maybe even scared too.

He should get them checked out though, especially if he's having nosebleeds as well.

I'm not sure how you can force him to go if he doesn't want to though. Could you speak to his doctor about your concerns?

Original poster

callmedizzy · 09/12/2011 13:22

Can you speak to dr on someone elses behalf? I may try that, he always goes over the limit (paracetamol) when he has headache, I nag about that too, not sure what else to do, I could make app but he probabily wouldnt go, he just gets cross and we have huge argument!:(

OP posts:

G1nger · 09/12/2011 13:24

Book a home visit by the doctor?
Call nhs direct for advice?

tigermoll · 09/12/2011 13:27

I don't think there's anything you can do to MAKE someone see a doctor, - you aren't his mum.

Have a calm discussion with him, say how worried you are and how much better you would feel if he saw a doctor. Then leave it. Nagging is ineffective, - it just makes people shut off. You can't take it upon yourself to book home visits, beg him, try to trick him, etc.

IloveJudgeJudy · 09/12/2011 15:26

Paracetamol can be very dangerous if you even take a little bit more than you are supposed to. Yes, please do ask him to go and see the doctor. Ask him if he would prefer you to make the appointment. Perhaps that would make him go. Perhaps he would like you to go with him, too. I'm not saying this so that you baby him, but some people really don't like going to the doctor and at some practices (like ours) it can be a faff to book things.

valiumredhead · 09/12/2011 15:29

Has he had his eyes tested recently? He should have them tested and that might help.

You can't talk to the GP on his behalf, the GP will just suggest he comes in for an appt I would've thought.

AvadventKalendar · 09/12/2011 15:35

Can you get him there by stealth? DC is at docs will you come with me DH... etc?

I know your situation and never did find a way out of it. On the one hand they are adults and should be left to decide these things for themselves but it's oh so hard when you are left worrying and can see them struggling

Dirtydishesmakemesad · 09/12/2011 15:44

My dh did this for months a couple of years ago (turned out he was ill but luckily fixed after gogin to the doctors - although not before ilness related symptoms and depression cost him his job .)

I pointed out to him that his own dad had died when he was a baby because he hadnt gone to the doctors for what turned out to be cancer. He went then but obviously that is only a threat personal to him!

eurochick · 09/12/2011 15:53

Tell him you are taking out insurance on him, so you can go off and lead the high life with [insert good looking male platonic friend here] if the worst happens. It's flippant but might make him think.

Sassybeast · 09/12/2011 16:33

YANBU. He owes it to himself, and to you and your kids to take care of his health. There are a myriad of casues of headaches, with one of them actually being an over use of painkillers :

www.nhs.uk/Livewell/headaches/Pages/Painkillerheadaches.aspx

Perhaps him having his eyesight checked out is a good first step -not as 'scary' as a dooctors appointment but he may listen to a professional.

redwineformethanks · 09/12/2011 21:05

You can definitely write to his GP. No one can stop you from doing that. The GP may or may not act on your letter, but it might be worth a shot. Due to patient confidentiality I don't think the GP would discuss anything with you.

NotJustForClassic · 09/12/2011 21:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EllenandBump · 09/12/2011 21:28

Go online to boots health check thingy, and put in all the symptoms and it comes up with possible causes, then present the possible causes to him! demand he goes, or you will drag him down their personally. Or better still every time he says hes got a headache say well i did say to go to the doctor, they would also be able to prescribe him something stronger, and if they are that bad, that should encourage him to go!

Hassledge · 09/12/2011 21:33

I understand where he's coming from if he's lost his father recently - he's in a scared little bubble of denial: he's scared it's serious but if he does nothing about it then it will just go away. Seeing the Dr will make it real.

But he's going to fuck his liver up with the paracetamol. Just keep at him. And try to get him to talk about his fears.

holyShmoley · 10/12/2011 06:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

joanofarchitrave · 10/12/2011 06:37

I'm with eurochick, but quite seriously: get life insurance/will sorted, or increase life insurance if you already have it. No need to be flippant about it, if he's going to dick around with his health that in the end is his personal choice, but dicking around with your kids' futures is not.

stuffthenonsense · 10/12/2011 07:03

How old are your children? My mother would NEVER wear a seatbelt until i enlisted the help of my then young children to nag her constantly about it. You dont need to worry them, just get them to nag daddy that they are upset as he wont play with them etc etc when he is ill. Pester power from kids is very effective (or disney wouldnt bother advertising)

Original poster

callmedizzy · 10/12/2011 08:32

Thank you all, i feel abit more justified in my nagging now, we have life insurance but would prefer my dh, i know he is worried, men are all like big kids head in the sand ect, slept on it last night I think that lloyds pharmacy do blood pressure testing so will try and get him to go there bit less scary maybe?? also if i stop buying paracetamol in my weekly shop then there wont be any for him to take which might kick him into action, I just feel helpless i cant do it for him!! my kids are early teens and a baby, have tried their nagging power, have played the life insurance card, have shouted, pleaded, made a joke and calmly spoken he just doesnt want to go! always says next week....just remebered over a year ago he had a pain in his chest he said it felt like a black hole with pressure, i think that scared him but he still wouldnt go he said he would if it happened again but it hasnt...i told him next time might be too late-sorry am babbling now, just not spoken to anyone about it i suppose its all built up to a peak with the nose bleeds and now i am very worried:(

OP posts:

lucky4 · 10/12/2011 08:48

My dh has a lump in chest area and he knew about it for a while,only mentioned it to me few weeks back and it always ended up with him walking off or an argument.Lost someone I was very fond of 3 months ago to cancer who refused to see doctor with symptoms when his wife begged him to,when he eventually went a year or two later it was grade 4 cancer....said this to dh who said I was being dramatic but maybe it did register as he made an appointment himself and saw the doctor....men are stubborn as hell isnt that the truth!!!

HecateGoddessOfTwelfthNight · 10/12/2011 11:11

Have you tried asking him to imagine that you , and you refused to see a gp. Ask him to think how he would feel, how worried he would be.

And yes, stopping buying the paracetamol would be a VERY good idea.

But would he not just go and buy them himself?

And point out that not going to the doctor doesn't mean there isn't anything wrong. It just means that if there is something, there's nothing that is being done about it.

It puzzles me when people avoid a dr when they clearly have a problem. It's like it's not real if they don't see a doctor

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