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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About this bloody stag do

100 replies

Rhubarbgarden · 08/12/2011 23:41

Dh has got a stag do tomorrow. Most of the guys do not live in London and are travelling from varying distances to get here. We were supposed to be hosting one of them (he invited himself, then informed us his wife and kids were coming too and I could take them all Christmas shopping ) but he cancelled last week. Tonight, 11pm, dh casually mentions that one of the guys (who is a chauvinistic, pig-ignorant moron) 'will probably turn up with a sleeping bag expecting to stay here'. Dh, who is a generous, unflappable sort fails to see that this is totally unacceptable. We are not students, this is not a house share; this is a family home with a toddler who is a light sleeper. If someone is coming to stay, I need warning. I need to move all the washing racks from the spare room, wash the linen, tidy the house etc etc. I need to be mentally prepared, not have it sprung on me. Dh just says that moron friend 'won't mind linen with cat fur on' and fails to see that that is not the point. I've told him that if a) the toddler gets woken up; b) there is any vomit; or c) the cat escapes then the moron friend is out on his ear instantly. Dh clearly thinks I am being totally unreasonable. I'm just that this has been sprung on me like this.

OP posts:

OldLadyKnowsSantaClaus · 08/12/2011 23:45

Hmm, your conditions are fair, but the need to rush around tidying up is, while completely understandable, daft. This bloke is happy to just crash on the floor/sofa in his own sleeping bag, let him.

Any sarky comments from him re your "standards" and you can tell him to fuck off. He'll manage in a shop doorway if he has to.

WorraLiberty · 08/12/2011 23:47

If your DH has invited him, he should be the one tidying the house etc

Having said that, his mate will probably be too pissed to care.

TheSecondComing · 08/12/2011 23:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GeekLove · 08/12/2011 23:48

YANBU I would be fuming if it was me. Still if he assumes he can just crash you can assume that he will be a useful domestic servant

Original poster

Rhubarbgarden · 08/12/2011 23:52

But Worra, I will care if the house isn't tidy. I know that's slightly irrational, but that's the way I am. And he is the sort of bloke who will comment - see chauvinistic point. Maybe not now, but at some point in the future it will be mentioned. I did ask dh when he would be doing the tidying; he looked slightly alarmed and said 'tomorrow morning?' but I think we both know that won't happen. Or not effectively anyway.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 08/12/2011 23:55

It is a bit irrational...you have to remember it's your DH's home too.

Are you sure he's going to comment or are you just a bit paranoid?

Original poster

Rhubarbgarden · 08/12/2011 23:55

Oh and no, dh didn't invite him. He's just guessing that this guy might be assuming he can stay. So I may be getting my knickers in a twist over nothing.

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 08/12/2011 23:56

Its a stag do.. the bloke just wants somewhere to kip, he doesnt want to do a tour of the house or will care if there is laundry drying, cat hair, or anything else.

It is one night, and you are not even expected to entertain or feed him.. so I really dont get the problem.

candytuft63 · 08/12/2011 23:58

its one night. let his mate crash for the evening in the grand scheme of things this is nothing.
really, if you are getting het up about this...
he could treat you to brunch in a nice caff in the morning, though !

TheSecondComing · 08/12/2011 23:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SouthStar · 09/12/2011 00:00

I can see your point but no matter how anal you are about the housework its your house it can be in whatever state you want it to be and why do you care what he thinks if he is as horrid as you say. If he makes a comment just say well you didnt think I was going to make an effort for you did you!?

WorraLiberty · 09/12/2011 00:00

Oh YANBU I so hate kippers on the couch...they smell

SouthStar · 09/12/2011 00:01

p.s perfect opportunity to make him feel so unwelcome he wont want to crash at yours again!

ViviPrudolf · 09/12/2011 00:03

Hmm... I'm a massive Monica when it comes to things like this, and I think YANBU for being pissed off, but we're it me I think I'd probably just pick my battle on this one and let it go. I really wouldn't give a toss if comments were made either now or down the line if I didn't hold the individual in any esteem in the first place. Besides it would make a change from being called Monica behind my back

I think I'd be in more of a tizz were it a lovely friend being sprung on me at short notice as I'd feel more compelled to make an effort to ensure their stay was as pleasant as possible.

tottiesfortea · 09/12/2011 00:04

I am totally seeing Rhubarbgardens side. She has a toddler, a cat and probably after a stag do, a drunken DH. I have the same, with the addition of a grown up DS, and when they are drunk, I can cope/handle them, get them to bed, they understand house rules so to speak. I feel its unfair that the OP has to deal with a drunken person, maybe not a stranger, but drunken nonetheless, in her home, if shes not been asked. Yes its DH's home too, but, hes been a tad unfair in assuming the OP will just accept the situation.

ViviPrudolf · 09/12/2011 00:04

Were not we're. Revolting apostrophe violation

Original poster

Rhubarbgarden · 09/12/2011 00:05

Not one night - if he's staying it will be the whole weekend. And yes he will expect to be fed. Yes it's dh's house too but I wouldn't expect him to suddenly accommodate one of my drunk friends unless it was unavoidable/an emergency. I think it's the fact that this guy is assuming he can just stay with us without asking first that's annoying me (if indeed he is), and that dh thinks it's fine not to warn me before the night before. I'm too old for this. Too old, too pregnant and too tired after running around after a toddler all day.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 09/12/2011 00:08

Unfair to 'deal with' a drunken stranger totties it's her DH's friend

When I go out with mates, I often text my DH last minute to tell him one of them will be staying...and more often than not, I get home to an inflated mattress and a the spare duvet/pillows all made up.

Original poster

Rhubarbgarden · 09/12/2011 00:09

Vivi good point. It would indeed be worse if it was someone I liked. I shall try to regain a sense of perspective.

Or I might let the toddler run up and down shrieking in the corridor outside his room at 7am.

OP posts:

TheSecondComing · 09/12/2011 00:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tottiesfortea · 09/12/2011 00:10

Worra, I didn't say he was a stranger,, I said, drunken person, maybe not a stranger, but drunken nonetheless.

teenswhodhavethem · 09/12/2011 00:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ViviPrudolf · 09/12/2011 00:13

I'd be pissed off at whoever's organised the stag do for not ensuring that the groups accommodation is sorted. DP has been to a stupid amount of weekend- long stag dos in other cities and has never had to crash at someone's house, even if friends do live in that city. In fact he went to one recently in our local city but still stayed in a hotel.

I didn't realise it was a whole weekend, OP. Nah. Wouldn't have that.

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 09/12/2011 00:14

I would be upset at the short notice, I need to be prepared for these kind of things.

Why the hell doesn't the guy just book a hotel? Neither DH or I would dream of trying to crash on someone's floor - if he is a friend of you both and is coming to stay as a proper visitor then that is a different thing to just a drunken bunk-up.

jasper · 09/12/2011 00:15

I feel your pain. I'd be the same . presumeably it's your husband's house too, and as it's his friend, I'd suck it up and lower your standards ie let the friend bunk up on the spare room couch without doing any extra tidying/cleaning

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