About this bloody stag do

[Rhubarbgarden]

Dh has got a stag do tomorrow. Most of the guys do not live in London and are travelling from varying distances to get here. We were supposed to be hosting one of them (he invited himself, then informed us his wife and kids were coming too and I could take them all Christmas shopping ) but he cancelled last week. Tonight, 11pm, dh casually mentions that one of the guys (who is a chauvinistic, pig-ignorant moron) 'will probably turn up with a sleeping bag expecting to stay here'. Dh, who is a generous, unflappable sort fails to see that this is totally unacceptable. We are not students, this is not a house share; this is a family home with a toddler who is a light sleeper. If someone is coming to stay, I need warning. I need to move all the washing racks from the spare room, wash the linen, tidy the house etc etc. I need to be mentally prepared, not have it sprung on me. Dh just says that moron friend 'won't mind linen with cat fur on' and fails to see that that is not the point. I've told him that if a) the toddler gets woken up; b) there is any vomit; or c) the cat escapes then the moron friend is out on his ear instantly. Dh clearly thinks I am being totally unreasonable. I'm just that this has been sprung on me like this.

No UANBU.

You dh knows the guy is sexist, and will be coming back into your home drunk, so it is not unreasonable to say no he cannot stay. Who stays in your home should be a joint decision. If one person in a couple was of a different race it would be unthinkable to invite a racist around to stay o why is it OK to invite a sexist around.

Your small child will be in bed when they come home drunk so its hardly putting your child at risk. Its a one off, its not happening every weekend. FGS chill out!

OP I think you are being an inhospitable drama queen.

A good example of the drama is the "many of you mix drunk friends with small children, so that's been an eye opener" bit. No one has said that, as Timothy says your DC will be in bed. How ridiculous.

These are all issues of your own making.

YANBU. It is not ok for your DH to assume you're fine with it without asking you. Whilst I don't mind it in MY house, YOU mind it in YOUR house and that's what counts. (And I'm sure your DH must know that too).

Im a bit anal about visitors and to me it means clean bedding,bathrooms etc.and extra food and mess.
I have solved this by if dh invites anyone to stay i leave it completely up to him to arrange it.
This weekend are pil and bil.I went to work today and mentioned he has nothing soretd out for bedding and maybe he's like to get in some extra food and clean the bathroom for his family.
When he had his drunken mate staying i left them too it the next day and went out with the children.I left dh with his mate and a massive hangover attempting to stop mate burning the best frying pan cooking bacon

am a bit amused at OP saying she is shocked at all of us "mixing drunk friends and small kids".....

yes Op, we are all really really BAD

Actually, that sounds like our halloween party

Re 'being what a good friend is all about' and 'when your friendship reaches a certain level' - yes fair points, but this isn't really a good friend; he's someone my dh considers to be a bit of an idiot and who he has only seen twice in the last seven years. He's just a guy who was part of the university social group. If he was a close friend it wouldn't be an issue.

I'm not really a drinker, and my Dad is verging on being an alcoholic, so I probably do have slightly antiquated views about drunks and children. I apologise if my last post was a bit [sceptical] on that score.

You lot have convinced me I need to chill out about this and I will try to.

Good for you OP.

How many bets he pulls and doesn't even end up back at yours anyway?

Dont understand why he has to stay for two nights. Surely he can just pop in to leave his stuff with you beforehand, perhaps get ready at yours then bugger off the next day - offer him some toast for breakfast beforehand and that's it. If he expects to be fed get your DH to arrange a takeaway.

Tbh, I would prefer this arrangement to the other bloke who had invited himself and his whole family for you to entertain with Xmas shopping.

I think you just have to grit your teeth and get on with it. Think of the brownie points you will get!!

This wouldn't bother me. In fact, I was confronted with something similar recently. My husband was off to a stag in London and was the only one going who lives in Centralish London rather than the Home Counties and so was expecting to be asked for a bed for the night. I said that was fine - we have a guest bed and an inflatable mattress. They were welcome to both of those. I said I wouldn't be comfortable with drunk smelly and possibly pukey boys (coming in from paintballing followed by clubbing) sleeping on our sofa (it's new, cost the earth and I love it) and he agreed. So we could offer two beds (to accommodate four if they wanted to top and tail). In the end most of them stayed up all night and got the first train home so it never happened, but I fully expected to wake up to a house reaking of stale booze. I wouldn't have known most of them (nor would my husband). I might have had a problem with strangers if I had a child in the house, but we don't yet. It's not like it happens regularly. Once in a while is fine.

I wouldn't pander to the misogynistic twat though because I was bothered about being criticised later. That would be his problem, not mine.

Ok, so update time. I spent the evening making the spare room nice and tidying everywhere else (I just couldn't not do it). Dh came home alone at 3am. Apparently, moron friend disappeared into the night when they left the club, saying he was going to Soho, and hasn't been heard from since. So Vivi I think this is his equivalent of pulling - he has a rats tail after all (ack); it's probably his only option. So it was all a storm in a teacup after all. And as a bonus, the house is nice and tidy now.

Well there you go

All's well that ends well

And on the plus side, if you give that room a 10 minute spruce every day/every other day, it'll stay tidy.

Blimey, do prostitutes allow their clients to stay over these days?

YABU, I wouldn't have a problem with this. I wouldn't stress about tidying up.

What do prostitutes have to do with this?

LeQueen I am uptight. Very. I blame the pg hormones - I don't glow, I grumble.

Cat it's all water under the bridge now but he didn't ring up and ask if could stay, that's the whole point. He turned up presuming he could. I think any sort of presumption like that is rude. And it's not like he's a good friend, just someone who was part of dh's crowd at uni who he hasn't seen in years and who last time I saw him spent the afternoon being derogatory about his then girlfriends (he had two I don't know how) and making 'jokes' about 'wimmin'.

Anyway. They've all spent the afternoon in a dim sum restaurant and not a hide nor hair has been seen of the guy, and none of the others seem bothered or surprised by that.

YANBU - I like to be a good host and that means notice. Our friends can assume they can stay but would always mention it in advance. Glad he didn't stay and that you can have a peaceful weekend.