Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why people get married when...

116 replies

dancingmustard · 08/12/2011 03:47

They don't agree on who's name to take (Surname)

They like to be considered separate in a flimsy hippy type of way even though they've nailed their colours to the mast and took the nuptial plunge.

They hate the 'Traditions' of marriage yet actually get married.

OP posts:
Original poster
dancingmustard · 08/12/2011 06:07

Are you telling me that there is no term recognised as Arabic brdgrl?

Your ignorance really does hold no bounds.

OP posts:
Jacksmania · 08/12/2011 06:07

Erm, judging from her post, dancingmustard used "French Canadian, Arabic, Chinese" etc in reference to those cultures.
Of course Arabic isn't a country, but neither is Chinese or French Canadian, so why pick on Arabic, specifically?
Brdgirl obviously misunderstood DM's use of the words - that doesn't make DM semi-literate. Bit rude to say so.

Jacksmania · 08/12/2011 06:09

Whoa, this has turned into a fight club.
Good night, time for me to go.

Original poster
dancingmustard · 08/12/2011 06:10

You worked for an international human rights org and you thing Arab nations and China are great dfor womens/human rights?
Thank fuck you moved jobs.

OP posts:
Original poster
dancingmustard · 08/12/2011 06:10

Goodnight Jacks.

OP posts:
Slightlytinsellyexpat · 08/12/2011 06:18

OP, can you give a specific example so that we can engage with you better? Tell us what newly-wed madness has irritated you so much. Please.

MrsHoarder · 08/12/2011 06:22

Maybe women who have problems with some of the traditional patriarial trappings of marriage still want to make a commitment to and then build a family with one specific man.

Its not difficult to see that you don't need to want to be a man's possession to agree to love, care for and be faithful to that man for the rest of your life in exchange for similar public vows from him, and lega protection for both of you.

EricNorthmansMistress · 08/12/2011 06:23

Arabic isn't a country.
You made a generalisation about Arabic speaking countries, assuming that women would not be allowed to choose when or who to marry (I think)
I disagree with this generalisation.

EricNorthmansMistress · 08/12/2011 06:25

Jacks
French Canada is a country (or part of)
China is a country
Arabia is not. Arabic covers many many cultures from the middle east to Africa. All of which are different. So generalising about the lives of women in all of these cultures is pretty gormless and offensive.

mummytime · 08/12/2011 06:26

Okay I am in a pretty traditional marriage, but I didn't take my DHs name, he had absolutely no problem with it. I can't even remember discussing it much. We married because: we wanted to, the religious aspects, the commitment as a relationship etc.
On the other hand I have friends who didn't marry their partners for quite sometime, but then got married quickly, as their partner was undertaking something potentially hazardous and it was the quickest and easiest way to sort out the legal inheritance of property and care of children etc. It didn't change anything about their commitment too each other. Whether they have the same name is irrelevant.
But then I also know someone who took the same name as the father of her child (by deed poll) but never married him, and is no longer in any relationship with him. Seems a bit weird to me.

So OP YABU

Original poster
dancingmustard · 08/12/2011 06:26

I didn't use the term Arabic I was answering a question some other poster posed.
Don't you understand English?
Read the thread.
You can disagree all you want because Arabic countries do have shocking womens rights records.

In short.

I didn't make a generalisation I merely answer a question posed by a poster using their terminology.

You couldn't be bothered or are incapable of reading back to see this.

OP posts:
Blackduck · 08/12/2011 06:27

Traditions change, nothing is set in stone and this thread is bizarre and OP YABVVVU

EricNorthmansMistress · 08/12/2011 06:28

You are boring
And vacuous
What is your frigging point?

gypsycat · 08/12/2011 06:29

When you are referring to Arabic I assume you are referring to Muslims, as there are many Christian and even Jewish Arabs. Muslim women do not take their husbands last name, Christian and Jewish Arab women occasionally do, but not very often as it's not really a part of their culture or their marriage traditions.

To say someone that someone "hates" the traditions of marriage because they don't take their husbands last name is idiotic at worst and simply ignorant at best. Marriage is more than simple traditions, especially as every culture has different traditions.

Original poster
dancingmustard · 08/12/2011 06:29

bedubabe Thu 08-Dec-11 04:24:54
But my point is that you're looking at the tradition from a very Uk centric position that only looks at approx the last 200 year's of UK history anyway. Examples of cultures where comen don't change their names on marriage include:

French Canadian
Most Arabic
Chinese
Ethiopian

and those are just the ones off the top of my head. I'd guess that's the majority of the world there!

------------

I answered this.

And still amazed you think Arabic women don't live in a repressed society whatever the culture.

OP posts:
KristinaM · 08/12/2011 06:30

We married because of the legal protection it offers and because for us it has religious and spiritaul significance.

I wasnt aware that name changing/sugaraed almonds/fluffy dresses/hen nights /bridesmaids etc were compulsory parts of the pacakge. Am i not really married because i didnt have any of these?

In my country its a relatively modern trend for women to change their name on marriage. Even today, many legal documents are written as Mary Smith m/s Brown to indicate that Brown is her married surname not her own

EricNorthmansMistress · 08/12/2011 06:32

That poster was saying that Arabic cultures don't impose name changing on marriage, not that they have great human rights records
You then argued that Arabic countries don't let women choose who they marry, which is incorrect, and also irrelevant to whatever point you are struggling to make

You are still making no sense

KristinaM · 08/12/2011 06:32

Some gay and lesbian couples also change their names. Do you think they have no right to do this because they afe not " actually married"?

dancingmustard · 08/12/2011 06:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

EricNorthmansMistress · 08/12/2011 06:35

Applying other cultural values to christian marriage and calling it 'Right' is an infringement of christian values isn't it

Oh for fuck sake.

No, in a word.

Original poster
dancingmustard · 08/12/2011 06:36

Simple question turned into a clusterfuck because a few cackbrained idiots can't think out of the box.
I didn't mention G&L marriage.
This is like the daily mails brainstorming room.

OP posts:
EricNorthmansMistress · 08/12/2011 06:36

Nice to see what your agenda is though, it was lost amongst your rambling back there.

dancingmustard · 08/12/2011 06:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

EricNorthmansMistress · 08/12/2011 06:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

charitygirl · 08/12/2011 06:39

I think OP must have changed her name on
Marriage without realising it's never been a legal requirement in this country, and is now feeling a bit bitter and foolish. Classic lashing out, really.