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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not to take DSs back to school for their evening performances?

84 replies

letmehelp · 06/12/2011 21:20

The performances are one year group at a time. Each year does 2 shows, one afternoon and one evening. I will be going to the afternoon ones on two consecutive days. I have been asked to advise the school if DC will be attending the evening ones.

-The performances are 45 mins long. I will have to take both DC, leave one and take the other one home, then set off approx 30 min later to go and collect the one who's performing.

-Both nights clash with regular out of school activities

-DC have both said they don't want to go to the performances

-They are both singing in the chorus, no spoken or main part etc

Usually I do make every effort to get them to school things - we all spent 3 hours gardening there last weekend! but this seems like hard work for little benefit and they both feel strongly that they don't want to go. And the school have asked if they'll be there i.e they've given a choice?

I do feel a bit guilty that if everyone takes there same view the chorus will be severely depleted for the evening shows though.

OP posts:
WhoopsyLa · 07/12/2011 09:41

Performing is almost never compulsory rebecca unless it's a GCSE performance....the idea is that the kids enjoy it and the parents enjoy it.

If the OP thinks it's too inonvenient then perhaps she would rather they never did these things and then she could collect them daily on the afternoons befre the showa when they rehearse....oh no...that would mean that she would be taking them out of school when it's more convenient for her to have them in. Hmm

WhoopsyLa · 07/12/2011 09:43

As I said OP...next year you can check in advance and on the days they reherse in school time you can come and pick them up from school early...so you're not inconvenienced by them being expected to show up for two evenings.

Original poster
letmehelp · 07/12/2011 09:46

FGS as I said it's not the inconvenience to me that concerns me, DC's were offered no choice about being involved, I didn't know about it and DC don't want to go. What about the inconvenience to the sports and cub leaders who've already planned their sessions Wink

Absolutely and believe me I've put my foot down on that one on numerous occasions e.g. "if you're going to be a cub you need to turn up every week...."

OP posts:
4madboys · 07/12/2011 09:47

i doubt the school would let you take them out for that reason, the would probably just have the kids watch the rehearsals, its what they do at our school for children that dont have a part in the play.

Original poster
letmehelp · 07/12/2011 09:48

Sorry that 2nd para was for FAB Smile

OP posts:
WhoopsyLa · 07/12/2011 09:49

I know that 4madboys I was being sarcastic.

2rebecca · 07/12/2011 09:50

My kids have never had anything like this out of school. I think if you are going to perform something on an evening then as a teacher you have to realise kids have a life outside school and that many parents have evening jobs leaving 1 parent with other kids to look after, plus alot of kids with hobbies outside school may have christmas performances eg gymnastic displays at this time of year. If kids are expected to attend a school event outwith school hours then the parent's permission should be sought and the child's desire to participate in this event should be gained before deciding who goes to the event. This has happened with school weekend sporting fixtures etc and should happen with school plays. If everyone in the year has a part then it's unlikely anyone could drop out as primary schools just have 1 class teacher and they would have been rehearsing the "play". I think spending some of the school day doing drama is fine, insisting kids turn up on an evening for a compulsary drama performance isn't.

pacinofan · 07/12/2011 09:51

Are you events chargeable? DD1 is 'required' to sing in an evening carol concert - tickets are priced at £3.50 each, plus a charge for her sister to attend who is also a pupil at the school. We are not participating but let her teacher know upon receipt of letter. Every event is chargeable at our school (local state primary) and the cost of tickets this year has soared.

Original poster
letmehelp · 07/12/2011 09:52

No free tickets here, but limited to 2 per family. Will probably be asked to buy a programme and/or raffle ticket when we get there.

OP posts:
Original poster
letmehelp · 07/12/2011 09:53

No, free tickets here Blush

OP posts:
4madboys · 07/12/2011 09:59

free tickets here but limited numbers, i think max you can apply for is two and children have to have a ticket, younger siblings not allowed at certain perfomances etc. which is fine but the fact that some performances are in the evenings and i have a partner who works shifts and 4 other children including a baby and toddler means its just not feasible to always get to these things. so far one year i did walk, another they got a lift, but this year i havent been able to make arrangements and tis just clashed badly with other things happening so they arent going. they are still doing 2 afternoon performances each and a dress rehearal that parents can also go and see, so out are participating i most of the performances which my kids school is fine with!

and yes we will be asked to buy prog, raffle tickets etc oh and drinks/biscuits etc.

i think its great that they put on afternoon and evening performances and the dress rehearsals to give parents the maximum chance of attending but our school understands that not all children can attend the evening performances.

my ds1 is at high school and there is only ONE performance, which is tonight he will go along and perform as he is a playing the guitar, luckily the school is close and he can make his own way there and back as dp is at work and i ahve to look after the younger 4. unfortunately i wont be able to go see him perform, last year i went as dp was at home, i just took 3 day old dd with me Grin

WhoopsyLa · 07/12/2011 10:02

I have never heard of a school that doesn't do an evening performance....it's the same with fetes and fairs....they happen AFTER school. A school is part of a community and sometimes that means going there after normal hours...especially if the activity is a celebration or learning event.

People shock me with their non-committal moaning. And people wonder why the sense of community is dying in this country!

vixsatis · 07/12/2011 10:03

Not to make them turn up for the evening performancegives your children a bad message. They are part of a team. They need to do their bit for the team even if it is not prominent or glorious and even if they don't want to do it.
YABVU

schroeder · 07/12/2011 10:05

YANBU I had years of this, thankfully ds is now at secondary and does not have to take part in the play. At our primary children have to be in the play, they rehearse for weeks whether they want to or not.

ds always hated it, he only ever stood at the back pretending to sing and looking embarrased.

I did not take him along for the evening performance, why would I?

I think there is too much importance put on the nativity, too much time and effort taken away from the children's actual education. In the run up to christmas things like homework and reading books being changed all go by the wayside. Surely it should just be a bit of fun for those who want to take part?

4madboys · 07/12/2011 10:09

actually our school fayre which has always been after school and a great event, very popular (maybe the bar has a part to play in that!) is supposed to being moved to be within school hours, this is the new HT idea, i think its cos he lives MILES away from school and doesnt like having to stay late (the summer fayre finishes at about 6:30-7pm) there has been uproar from parents and the pta as everyone wants it to stay the time it is from 3:30-6:30pm with a bbq, a bar and loads of stalls etc, its a hUGE money raiser for the school, there is no way it would raise the same amount of money if it were just in the day during school hours.

but you can take siblings to a fete, it can be a whole family event. with a play there is the issue of childcare (no-one locally to look after the little two) and there are just more practical issues that sometimes can be sorted, and other times cannot.

fuckityfuckfuckfuck · 07/12/2011 10:10

YABU. My dd had her play yesterday evening and again tonight. I had to walk 20 minutes through pissing rain, with a grumpy tired 3 year old in tow to get her back there, having only half an hour after school to get her fed quickly before heading back, and then wait an hour for it to start. But it was worth it, every single child put in a lot of effort for this play, so the least their parents can do is take them there and let them perform with their friends.

Kveta · 07/12/2011 10:19

I don't understand why you and your DH can't go to a performance each? So one afternoon, you go, evening your DH goes with the child who is performing, you stay at home with child who isn't. Next day, reverse the roles. This is what my parents did when we were younger and spare tickets for siblings weren't available. It's only for 2 days, not months of comittments.

WhoopsyLa · 07/12/2011 10:24

That's right kveta that's what we do and what most do...it' beyond lazy to not turn up at all.

4madboys · 07/12/2011 10:30

thats ok if you can take the younger sibling to the performance but in my case you cant. so i would have to walk 45 mins with the little ones in tow, then wait OUTSIDE somewhere for the hour of the performance give or take ten mins and then walk 45mins home. why would i do that and what am i supposed to do outside for an hour with two small children both full of cold?

if you can sort it out with a partner/husband so one can watch the children then thats great and what we have done in the past, but this year dp is working and he is not allowed to ask for/book any time off in december so he gets his shifts and that is it, end off. he cant say 'oh actualy my kids have a play at school i need time off' there simply isnt the option which either means i sort a lift for them if i can, not possible this time. or i take the little ones to get them there and then wait outside as the little ones arent allowed at the evening performance. no i wont wait outside in the cold/rain for an hour with two small children just so my child can sing in the school play.

schroeder · 07/12/2011 10:32

Oh bugger off with the lazy, why should she make an effort if the dc do not want to go and they were never given the choice not to do it!

WhoopsyLa · 07/12/2011 11:37

shroeder ....DC don't know what's best or what they will learn or how important it is to learn that sometimes we do things for others....for the goup...the team. I bet you have a very narrow life if that's your attitude!

TheOriginalFAB · 07/12/2011 12:53

I think you misunderstood me. I was saying surely you can let them miss one session of cubs for something that comes once or twice a year.

exaspomum · 07/12/2011 12:58

Don't worry about it. You're obviously supportive of the school usually and the school ought to accept that it is not necessarily the centre of you and your children's life. If it clashes with something else you're entitled to go to that.

samandi · 07/12/2011 13:02

DC's were offered no choice about being involved, I didn't know about it and DC don't want to go.

I'd've been pretty pissed off it I was given no choice about performing in a school thing during the evening time. It's different if it's something they've signed up for, in which case of course they should go.

samandi · 07/12/2011 13:04

2rebecca's answer is spot on IMO.

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