not to take DSs back to school for their evening performances?

[letmehelp]

The performances are one year group at a time. Each year does 2 shows, one afternoon and one evening. I will be going to the afternoon ones on two consecutive days. I have been asked to advise the school if DC will be attending the evening ones.

-The performances are 45 mins long. I will have to take both DC, leave one and take the other one home, then set off approx 30 min later to go and collect the one who's performing.

-Both nights clash with regular out of school activities

-DC have both said they don't want to go to the performances

-They are both singing in the chorus, no spoken or main part etc

Usually I do make every effort to get them to school things - we all spent 3 hours gardening there last weekend! but this seems like hard work for little benefit and they both feel strongly that they don't want to go. And the school have asked if they'll be there i.e they've given a choice?

I do feel a bit guilty that if everyone takes there same view the chorus will be severely depleted for the evening shows though.

[manicinsomniac]

In the OP's case it does seem to be a bit different if the children were given a choice whether to attend or not. But what an odd thing to do - we're doing a play, putting it on twice but you only have to come to one of them!?!? What if a child with a large part decides they don't want to go in the evening?

Also - 4 days notice is ridiculous.

Where I work it is expected that all the children in the year group will take part in their play but the dates are published at least a term in advance. That way, if a parent knows there is an unavoidable reason why their child can't take part, they say so and I suppose their child would be put with a year group who weren't doing a play that term (I'm not sure, it's never happened!!)

I can also see why it's annoying to have to take the kids home for half an hour and bring them back - so stupid, especially if you live miles away. Ours have tea at school, get changed and then we're about ready to start the performance.

[mummytime]

At DCs school: the dates are published by about 1/2 term, but exactly which performances your DC is in may not be informed until a week before. People with main parts commit they can do all performances (although they sometimes have trouble with kids who also have parts in the local Panto, and aren't supposed to do both). All others are in year group scenes. They are divided into two groups so only 1/2 of each year group have to be there each night, although year 6 tend to be there for all performances.
However my own DD may not make her second evening performance, as no-one will notice her absence from the group scene, and she was upset after last night's performance, it just isn't worth it if she doesn't enjoy it (my older ones always did even if they weren't doing much). It also means I can make an important meeting at an older DCs school.
If it is a minor role and they don't mind, then I think the OP is fine not to take them.

[startail]

I need a 3 way fence.
Yes they have rehearsed, yes the evening parents deserve a good show.
But a whole school is not something you choose to be in. My DD missed her guide party every year because she is also in a choir and the final Xmas rehearsal always clashed. She'd mutter, but singing is an important part of who she is and she chooses to go to choir. The OPs sons don't choose to be in the play and may feel very differently about missing their usual activity.
I'm not sure that school can assume priority over everything else outside school hours.
Driving backwards and forwards for short event is an expensive total and utter PAIN, apart from being expensive and wasteful.
I do a great deal of it because school, choir and music lessons are 3 miles away in a village with absolutely nothing to do.
A nice warm class room would be great.

[BetterTogether]

Do you have any family that could help out at all?

I have this issue with DD on Monday. I'm going to the afternoon performance with DS (2) and then my Mum is going to take DD back to the evening performance and stay to watch it. Unfortunatly even though evening performance at 6pm, DH doesn't get home til 6.30 so he won't be able to watch it.

Realise not everyone is so lucky to have family nearby to help out though. DD also has swimming after school that afternoon...she's adamant she wants to fit that in between the two performances as well. I'm going to have one very tired 5 year-old on my hands by the end of next week!!

[jellybeans]

4madboys I don't blame you at all. My situation was simelar and I didn't feel bad at all for not being able to go-why the hell should I, it's not school hours? We have so much stuff on in the evening-work aswell as kids stuff sometimes!! Not everyone works in the day!! Ours always clashed with yearly awards night at guides and end of guides party-didn't see why DDs should miss that unless they wanted to!! It's good your school is understanding, ours were told they HAD to attend!! I always told the teachers in advance that we couldn't make it in the evenings although they have attened those we could make. One teacher told DD she HAD NO CHOICE but to attend even though she had no part! Hmm if it is out of school hours it should be optional.

[callmemrs]

I think on balance, given that staff will have put a lot of work in, that you should go. I think its also important for children to understand that sometimes these things require effort and commitment. I can understand them not being hugely keen to go as you're seeing the afternoon performances, but frankly if a lot of the children took this view then it would spoil the performance for all those other parents who have booked evening tickets. Apart from anything else, the show is clearly a sell out with limited places (you mention restriction on tickets) so no doubt some of the evening audience wont have been able to get afternoon tickets. It's hardly fair if the evening shows then end up being inferior.

Children need to learn about sticking at things. Its only two shows- it worn hurt to make the effort.

[4madboys]

jellybeans i spoke to the HT about yesterday and he said its not a problem he understands its difficult for some people, said his own son couldnt attend his one last year! i have managed to sort a lift for ds3 to go to his one tonight tho :) that willl piss off sil who is visiting but thats a whole other aibu...

[jellybeans]

ah glad you have an understanding HT! Makes a real difference :)

[4madboys]

it does, he is lovely actually, he phoned me yesterday as i had an issue i wanted to talk about and whilst on the phone baby dd fell and split her gum open, blood everywhere and screaming baby, i just got 'got to go bye' and hung up on him! when i collected the boys from school that afternoon he came up to see me and to ask if the baby was ok :) really nice of him :) anyway all plays are over now!! just parties, santas grotto etc to go next week and then the holidays