not to take DSs back to school for their evening performances?

[letmehelp]

The performances are one year group at a time. Each year does 2 shows, one afternoon and one evening. I will be going to the afternoon ones on two consecutive days. I have been asked to advise the school if DC will be attending the evening ones.

-The performances are 45 mins long. I will have to take both DC, leave one and take the other one home, then set off approx 30 min later to go and collect the one who's performing.

-Both nights clash with regular out of school activities

-DC have both said they don't want to go to the performances

-They are both singing in the chorus, no spoken or main part etc

Usually I do make every effort to get them to school things - we all spent 3 hours gardening there last weekend! but this seems like hard work for little benefit and they both feel strongly that they don't want to go. And the school have asked if they'll be there i.e they've given a choice?

I do feel a bit guilty that if everyone takes there same view the chorus will be severely depleted for the evening shows though.

[jellybeans]

I only do it if they really want to and we have nothing else on. In my eyes, after school events are optional and it used to wind me up that we got letters saying your child MUST attend! YANBU at all.

[abbierhodes]

Fivefoottwo...there are LOTS of people who can't get 'an hour or two' off during the working day. I'm a teacher, and there's no way I'd be able to attend something like this. The only time our school will make an exception is for your child's first day at school...and even then you really do only get the hour. You can't just nip out for an assembly leaving your GCSE classes to get on with it.

OP, YABU I'm afraid. If loads of kids aren't there it will ruin the evening performance for thosse who can only make it then.

[jellybeans]

'this is why my twins school no longer do the evening show,because parents cant be bothered to take the child'

Surely evening shows are optional though? And it isn't a case of not bothering all the time. When I had newborn twins, I would have had to walk 2 miles each way in the cold and dark with 4 kids and hang around for an hour-as you were only allowed to attend one night. I'm sorry but there was no way I was doing that after being severely anaemic after a dreadful birth. Lots of parents have no transport, health issues etc.

There were times when we 'didn't bother' as they got older. That was always because either they didn't want to do it and it would have been a struggle to get there or because it was on a night that they had karate grading, guide barbecues etc and I gave them the choice where they would rather be. and they always said not school.

[Nanny0gg]

Yes, they're optional, but it would be rather nice if you could find it in yourself to support the school, the staff and the rest of the children.
However, if whatever else you have on is so much more important then of course you must let them down give it a miss.

[ColonelBrandon]

It's a total juggle, especially now they are in different key stages, but at dcs state primary, there isn't even the expectation that dcs will not attend the evening event unless some catastrophe strikes. So tomorrow night H will take dc2 and I will race back for the other two, and then the following evening I will go and put the other two in the creche (will see how that goes!)

But to put it in perspective, it's a couple of nights once a year, the dcs and the whole school have worked hard on it and the it's the stuff memories are made of for the dc.

[DownbytheRiverside]

A lot of our parents commute to London, so an hour or two off work wouldn't really be enough.
The only reason for evening performances is to enable more parents to see their children perform, it is of no benefit to teachers whatsoever. Most would rather be at home and do such stuff in time they are paid for.
So I can understand schools stopping evening performances if they aren't supported by enough parents.

[ddubsgirl]

its not that jelly my dh cant see the show and alot of other parents are in the same boat,as its morning & afternoon shows,so have 2 disappointed boys,and we too spent times walking in the dark & cold taking the kids to evening shows,its only for 1/2 nights,they have spent time & effort into it and awful when half the kids dont show up

[cherrysodalover]

YANBU

I personally think you have to do what works for you as a family and if you have good reason not to go, then I would not go.
When did these school plays start happening on an evening to accommodate working parents.
Ridiculous.If you are working and cannot get time off work, tough, you miss the play- why should all the kids and their parents have to pay the price for working parents.I say this as a teacher who will never get the time off to see the day shows when the time comes but I think it unfair to get the kids in 3 times at that age when they have not chosen to be part of it and have chorus roles.Just so the poor parents do not feel like they are missing out-it is evident who has the selfish reasoning in that little quandry. Scrap the evening shows- if you can go during the day great- or take a day of holiday for it if it means that much.

[DownbytheRiverside]

Could just select from the committed and interested children, and do a show with them. Leave the bored and indifferent out of it.
oh no.
Wait
Isn't there already a thread running about the same children being chosen for things and how that isn't fair?

[forceslover]

Could another parent take your child? This is what I have had to due in the past when I could not go as babies were not allowed in the evening. So your child goes and you can be at home to look after the others.

[letmehelp]

TBH my main issue is that the DC don't want to go. The inconvenience is a pain, but I've never let that stop me taking DC something before. DC are far keener to go to their other activities which were booked and paid for long before I knew the dates for the performances. The fact that it also makes my life easier is the reason I didn't put my foot down straightaway and say they've got to go to the performances.

If they were keen to go there'd be no question about it.

[WhoopsyLa]

But that's life letmehelp they were part of the Christmas show from the start and if you dont' want it to get in the way of other activties then you should not have let them take part at all.

I think it's very disrespectful to the other DC and the teachers to allow them not to go...and letting them not go because they''re "not keen" is a road to problems in the future.

[WhoopsyLa]

And what's more you shouldn't even ASK them if they want to go....it's not up to them. You as the adult know that some level of commitment is required to learn a life lesson on being part of a group effort.

[manicinsomniac]

YABVVVVVVVU in my opinion.

I'm astounded by some of the attitudes on here.

I totally agree with Summersoon. I'm a drama teacher and if any of my cast chose (or their parents chose) not to attend the performance I would be livid. The show would be the worse for it, even if the missing child is chorus - every child has a specific place to stand, probably a dance to do which would look odd without them in it and contributes to the strong sound of the singing.

Sorry but if you don't want to attend the performances then say so before the rehearsals start and make sure your child isn't cast. To pull them out later on for anything other than severe illness or a genuine emergency is unbelievably selfish. Even if a child is off sick during the day I expect them to be in for the evening unless I receive a phone call to say that they won't be.

I've never heard of a performance being optional before - how odd! There are no daytime performances at the school where I work - it's just assumed that most parents won't be able to get there in the afternoon.

I've also never heard of a child who doesn't want to perform. Ours are always incredibly overexcited and high as kites on show days. There'd be tears and tantrums from any child who was removed.

[2rebecca]

If they are in a school play no matter how small a part then I would take them. I wouldn't go to the afternoon plays though, just the evening plays. Did they have a choice of being in the play or not? If participating is compulsary I would be less inclined to make them go to an evening one as it's not like they've chosen to be in the hockey team, auditioned for a part in the chorus etc. My kids' school usually just had this sort of thing where the whole class did it during the day and the school performed to the other classes and no parents.
On the other hand if your kid had a speaking part you would be disappointed if half the singers and chorus didn't turn up.

[letmehelp]

Maybe Whoopsuyla, but to my knowledge they've only been rehearsing for about a week and I only got 4 working day's notice of the dates.

[letmehelp]

manic, if I'd had a letter "telling" me they needed to be there, then they would definitely go, but I had a letter "asking" me. The whole school has a "part" so there were no castings as such and I only heard about the rehearsals and performance dates at a very late hour.

[TheOriginalFAB]

YABU.

If the other activities are regular then surely you cn miss them for something that only happens a couple of times a year?

I have to be at school for over an hour today as all3 of mine are coming out at different times and next week I will be back and forth to school several times a day. It is what happens when you have kids at school.

[4madboys]

only 4 days notice?! thats a bit shite, we got our dates a couple of weeks ago, but sports clubs are booked up and paid for termly and cant be changed. ditto my sil visiting that was booked ages ago and i couldnt get an extra ticket for her to go. dd's bday also not a changeable day and nor are dp's shifts.

we have busted a gut to get them to plenty of school events and help out at the fayre and all sorts of activities with school but its nto always possible and the way its worked out this year means the evenings performances have not happened.

each child has 2 evening performances, 2 afternoon ones and also 2 dress rehersals, i am going to the dress rehersals as i have no childcare for 12mth dd and she is allowed to the dress rehersal, not the evening performance, i think she is allowed to the afternoon performances as well, thats perfectly fine.

but i am not taking the kids out to walk 45mins each way in the freezing cold and then hanging around outside somehwere with 4 kids whilst one child performs, i would have had to do that 4 evenings! the littlest two are full of cold and have croup, plus its dinner/bedtime for them. it would be a nightmare! not to mention that for little ones performing they actually often end up knackered by going back and doing the evening performances, the school actually state in the letter that htey understand many of the younger ones ie reception may be very tired and so do not bring them if you think they are too tired. thank god my kids school is reasonable about these things!

[2rebecca]

I disagree with fivefoot's assertion that not many employers would refuse to let someone have an hour off for a play. This will only apply to very large companies where employees can be easily covered by each other. If any of our employees went they would have to take half a day's annual leave as rotas would have to be chaged so someone else did their job for them. If you have so many employees that you won't miss one for a couple of hours then you probably have too many and may be looking to cut one in this recession.
I've often taken half days to get to early parents' evenings etc and even evening events as a primary school's idea of an evening event often starts before I return home from work.

[WhoopsyLa]

what has the length of rehearsal got to do with anything? The things are put on for the benefit of parents and children....they're not part of any curriculum and it is selfish to decide you can't be arsed.

[2rebecca]

If performing was compulsary and no castings then I would be less inclined to take them on an evening. The whole concept sounds ill thought out from the school's point of view.

[TheOriginalFAB]

"TBH my main issue is that the DC don't want to go."

And? We all have to do things we don't want to do and sometimes it is for the benefit or enjoyment of others.

[letmehelp]

Whoopsy - you said I shouldn't have let them take part - I didn't know they were taking part until this week.