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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this was an odd thing of teacher to ask kids

29 replies

Chundle · 06/12/2011 19:42

During circle time kids were asked if their parents ever said/did anything innappropriate. Dd said that one girl said her parents swore so she put her hand up and said we swore. ( just to clarify we don't swear at her or regularly just if there's an accident or stubbed toe that sort of thing). I asked what other kids said and she said couldn't remember.
Aibu to think its a rather odd question and perhaps a leading question to ask 8 year old kids who like my dd will copy what their mates say!

OP posts:
ChippingInNeedsSleep · 06/12/2011 19:43

Highly inappropriate I'd have thought - but perhaphs your DD has it out of context or something.

Sirzy · 06/12/2011 19:45

An odd question, makes me wonder if they had some concerns about a child and where wondering if they could get them to open up?

DoingMyVeryBest · 06/12/2011 19:45

It does sound strange. I'd ask the teacher for the context though, it might make more sense after that!

I'd be curious to know what the teacher says...

Esta3GG · 06/12/2011 19:46

YANBU. Very odd question.
What if one the responses had been "Well, Mummy and Daddy spend Thursday nights with their dogging group."

SolidGoldVampireBat · 06/12/2011 19:50

I would be having a quiet word to find out what was going on. If there is a child in the class the teachers have concerns about, I hardly think it would be a good idea to have that child disclose in front of his/her classmates.
I wonder if it's a young, inexperienced or indeed agenda-driven teacher overstepping the mark.

slavetofilofax · 06/12/2011 19:52

Sounds odd on on it's own, but was probably pefectly reasonable in the context of the discussion the class was having.

I can't believe a teacher would ask that sort of question just for the sake of getting gossip about parents, and they wouldn't need to anyway, children willingly volunteer most things their parents wish they wouldn't!

TheOriginalFAB · 06/12/2011 19:53

That sounds completely out of order and I would be speaking to the teacher and wanting an explanation.

picnicbasketcase · 06/12/2011 19:53

Esta Grin

legobuilder · 06/12/2011 19:54

It mights have been a circle time about something else entirely, where a child disclosed something about their parents unprovoked, and the teacher followed up with something along the lines of, "that's not very appropriate, can you think of any other things it's not appropriate to do?" rather than "do your parents do anything inappropriate?" i'd check it out with the teacher, maybe ask what the circle time was about to begin with, and how they got onto that topic/what they were asked and why. wierd one.

Original poster
Chundle · 06/12/2011 19:57

Teacher is very experienced senco. Very nice person. They have private circle times where they talk about feelings and emotions and bullying and all sorts of things but just thought that was bit odd. When dd told me what question was I thought oh ny god what did she say as she can be a little flippant with the truth at times :O

OP posts:
tabulahrasa · 06/12/2011 19:58

depends on the context - if it was about people doing inappropriate things even though they know better for instance, you know, in a well we all do things we shouldn't sometimes kind of way - that would be fair enough reason

or it could have gone off topic a bit, circle time does sometimes, lol

Icameheretotroll · 06/12/2011 19:58

This reply has been deleted

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abbierhodes · 06/12/2011 20:00

The word 'inappropriate' makes it sound dodgy. They may have been discussing the fact that we all do 'bad' things occasionally....swearing, snapping, slamming doors etc. Perhaps it was a 'no-one's perfect' kind of discussion? The parent question might have been the teacher searching for examples.

SylviaBells · 06/12/2011 20:01

CONTEXT is what this is all about. If you are uncomfortable go and ask the teacher what the circle time was for/about. It might be a scenario when teacher was discussing how we all do things by accident (like swearing) EVEN mums and dads but it is how we act afterwards that is important etc etc

FWIW though a friend of mine was out driving with her husband when he clipped the kerb, they happened to be seen by a police officer who stopped them to check he was sober etc, all was well, police left. Next week her DS told the teacher 'Daddy was stopped by the police for kerbing' - child was being truthful in their mind but the the teacher didn't know what to think! Luckily teacher was a friend of my friend and they had a good laugh about it. The point of the story is to take what your child has said with a pinch of salt too.

Original poster
Chundle · 06/12/2011 20:03

Tabu ahnd abbie thanks yes you're prob right that makes sense, perhaps they were defining the word 'innappropriate' or something.
'Ica' god there's always one isn't there!!!!

OP posts:
youtalkintome · 06/12/2011 20:03

It's quite a leading question knowing my dd who is ever eager to please she'd probably divulge our deepest darkest secrets in a bid to please the teacher.

Pozzled · 06/12/2011 20:05

It does sound very odd. My guess would be the same as tabulahrasa and abbierhodes- that it was a discussion around everyone making mistakes sometimes. I'd like to know exactly how it was worded though, the teacher could have got all sorts of answers!

Original poster
Chundle · 06/12/2011 20:05

'You' exactly what I was worried about! Lol.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chundle · 06/12/2011 20:08

I did explain very thoroughly to dd that there's a big difference between me swearing at her ( which I never do) and me swearing when I smash a glass. So that she totally knows the difference and knows I never swear at her. Then of course came the question of why I swear at the dog.....

OP posts:
tabulahrasa · 06/12/2011 20:54

Because dogs don't understand English swearing, only growling... Grin

Or is that going to lead to a - is it ok to swear at foreign people question? lol

Original poster
Chundle · 06/12/2011 20:59

Lol tabu ... What its not ok to swear at foreigners??!! :)

OP posts:
tabulahrasa · 06/12/2011 21:02

Well I'd not advise it as a pastime, I think it might get you in a bit of bother, lol

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 06/12/2011 21:56

Could the teacher have been trying to explain the meaning of "inappropriate" with examples maybe? And asked if anyone could think of an example themselves.

BreconBeBuggered · 06/12/2011 23:25

DS2's school often refer to general naughtiness in school as 'inappropriate behaviour', which doesn't have the sinister connotations that adults unfamiliar with the school might infer. Could it have been something like that, OP?

Jenny70 · 07/12/2011 00:35

Hoping the kids didn't come out with anything like Uncle X touches me ... if she was fishing because she was concerned, bringing it up with a peer group of classmates seems bizarre. At 8 many of the kids will remember this, and a class confession like this could lead to inappropriate rumours/comments for many years to come, further damaging an innocent child who is already wronged by someone they trust.

Isn't there a saying to never ask a question unless you know the answer? Seems to me that a confession of swearing (or even dogging ;) ) might be getting off lightly compared to where it could have gone.

Unlikely perhaps, but still a odd question that could have ended very awkwardly for all involved.