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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think Cancer Research should rethink some of their marketing?

381 replies

MrsCarriePooter · 05/12/2011 12:13

This is a fairly mild AIBU but interested in what you think.

We were in our local Cancer Research shop this morning and in the window they had a big poster of a woman who had survived breast cancer, but the wording was something about "Vanessa wasn't going to let cancer beat her". I said to the volunteer insider when I was paying that I thought that was a bit offensive, as though those who die from cancer just had decided to roll over and "let cancer beat" them. Was I just being overtouchy? Having had relatives die of cancer I know I could be. The volunteer said "she'd pass my views" on to the area manager.

OP posts:
KenDoddsDadsDog · 05/12/2011 19:13

Someone at work told me that it was 'criminal' that my BIL 'gave up' his chemo and didn't 'fight'.
I had to walk away.

Esta3GG · 05/12/2011 19:16

The marketing of cancer is a smokescreen.

I have a terrible memory of one dear friend in the last week of her life - bald with painful sores all over her body, delirious and fitting from brain mets, belly distended from ascites and liver failure.
"Tickled pink"? Fuck off.

I don't care how much these charities claim to raise awareness through this approach - pink fucking stinks and it distorts public perception.
I got cancer in my breast rather than my arse or my head - why does that then subject me to this relentless infantalisation?

Having cancer yourself certainly is a pisser - especially as my son was only 1 year old when I was diagnosed. But I really cannot imagine the pain of having a child with cancer. My heart goes out to anyone who has had to deal with that.

Bumperlicious · 05/12/2011 19:23

There is a really good book which addresses this called Smile or Die. I really recommend it.

What about dying with dignity? I've never had that close an experience of death. But I imagine like most natural processes (sex, birth, going to the toilet) there is very little dignity involved.

The book above also talks about how people who have had cancer now have new found perspectives on life and no longer "sweat the small stuff". Me? I'd be like "so you're telling me you've run out off chocolate brownies AND I have cancer? Give me a fucking break!"

echt · 05/12/2011 19:31

OP, YANBU.

Barbara Ehrenreich has much to say on this subject, the relentless "positive thinking" which can be so trying for those with cancer. It's a new orthodoxy which conveniently bypasses the horrible truth that the body either responds to the treatment, or it doesn't.

From another slightly related angle, I loathe it when lazy journalists write "X lost their battle with cancer". Or worse "passed on". Died, you mealy-mouthed git.

gramercy · 05/12/2011 19:33

I think Sharon Osbourne said that breast cancer is ok, but bowel cancer - no, that's bottoms - so embarrassing. I suppose people would have to wear brown ribbons...

latrucha · 05/12/2011 19:33

I couldn't agree more and am just jumpig on here in case someone from CRUK does see this in the end.

My father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer that was untreatable. It tends to be one of the ones that is most difficult to treat. In the first few weeks, so many people told him, bowed down and exhausted as he was, that he had to fight it. Fight a terminal disease that you have been told is definitely going to kill you. What use is saying that?

I suppose he did fight it. He had chemo. He lived three times the amount of time they gave him at first. I'm glad we had him for twenty months and not six. No one could explain why. I doubt it was anything to do with mental attitude, though.

Snowboarder · 05/12/2011 19:43

Mrs DV, I am so sorry for your loss. I saw what my own mother and family went through when I was diagnosed and in many ways I feel it was harder for them than me. X

Bue · 05/12/2011 19:44

Canada's leader of the opposition died of cancer recently and there was a very good article written about the language used:

Jack Layton didn't lose a fight: he died of cancer

I find it so odd that cancer has this problem of 'battle' language. No one says "She lost her fight with heart disease".

maybeyoushoulddrive · 05/12/2011 19:47

YANBU

My mum has lung and bowel cancer. It's horrible. She is going through hell. It is not a battle, or a fight, she is just hoping against hope that she is lucky enough to have decent doctors and tumours which respond to treatment. So far so good, we were told that the lung tumours would probably kill her, but they are reponding well to the radio and chemo at the moment. I think the thing we all find hardest to bear is how Cancer is in control.

Cancer Research should be ashamed.

EssentialFattyAcid · 05/12/2011 19:50

There's a new book out about this - its really critically acclaimed andwritten by a cancer doctor in the US - The Emporer of all Maladies by Siddhartha Mukherjee

LadyBeagleBaublesAndBells · 05/12/2011 19:52

That's an excellent article Bue.

madwomanintheattic · 05/12/2011 19:54

there was a lot of coverage about jack layton's death, but i missed that article. good links to the grauniad, too. thanks.

hackmum · 05/12/2011 19:58

limitedperiodonly: "I'm as bemused as he seemed to be that she considered that her readers needed to have such myths debunked for them."

I think you've completely misread the article. Journalists sometimes have to ask stupid questions to get a really good answer - and look at the answer he gave, it's brilliant. She managed to get him say completely and unequivocally that it's not about having a positive mental attitude, and that message will be brought home to everybody who reads it.

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 05/12/2011 20:04

When DD came home we knew she was going to die.
We had to switch from the' living in hope' to the 'making the last weeks the best they could be'

I cant tell you how many people told us we should never give up fighting for her. People who had never set foot on a children's oncology ward. People who wouldnt know what mucocitis, neutropeania or red man syndrome looks like or feels like. What its like to watch your child scream because the fucking bone marrow in her legs is expanding and pushing on her bones.

Dont give up fighting? FUCK OFF.

We did what we could to make her last days peaceful and full of love. But you see that isnt enough for some people. They want you to fight to the very end because its suits their prepackaged, Take a Break, Tickled cocking Pink idea of what people with cancer should do.

Perhaps, maybe that is why palliative care provision in this country is so patchy? Maybe thats why children's hospices receive no funding?

Because dying is simple NOT good enough.

I am so sorry if this upsets anyone dealing with this fucking disease right now. I sincerely am. I just get so angry when I think back.

MrsMcEnroe · 05/12/2011 20:08

My mum didn't "fight" or "battle" her cancer. She was terrified, and showed it 24 hours a day for the entire 3 1/2 months from diagnosis to death. And I'm not surprised; the type of cancer she had caused all the bones in her spine to fracture and she had serious kidney failure which meant that she vomited constantly. When she died I was incredibly relieved that she didn't have to go through that torture any longer. I defy ANYBODY to "battle" or "fight" or "show bravery" in those circumstances. The cancer took over her body; it took away her humanity and dignity. It was bloody f*cking awful and it killed her so quickly. 30% of all patients diagnosed with her type of cancer (myeloma) die from it within 12 months, and she was one of those 30%. She wouldn't have lived any longer if she had smiled a bit more, or forced herself to walk even though her spine was broken. How dare CRUK suggest otherwise?

i.e. YANBU!

tardisjumper · 05/12/2011 20:20

I am a journalist and the reason is that there is a good story arch.

a) person gets symptoms
b) person gets diagnosis (feels low)
c) person starts treatment (feels really low)
d) person gets false positive news
e) person gets real news and starts other treatment
f) person gets better (hooray!)

I don't agree with it personally, though I understand that cancer 'survivors' need some recognition.

What bothers me is not just people who died from cancer (ie my grandfather who died a year ago today and dealt with it with great dignity because he realised when he did that it WASN'T 'beatable') but people who have other illnesses. I mean, type one diabetes and crohns is no fucking walk in the park but there is no 'happy ending' so people aren't interested.

I start a job on weds working for a disability charity and hope that I will write about people's experiences as a disabled person in a positive way in order to challenge this narrow view of illness.

BustersOfDoom · 05/12/2011 20:20

There are so many heartbreaking experiences on this thread and my heart goes out to all of you. Those of you grieving for a loved one and those of you going through it now. It's horrible and shit and dressing it up in pink ribbons or whatever doesn't change that.

My over riding thoughts are that we were lucky. Just that. Lucky. Lucky that DS was diagnosed just in time, lucky that he was treated at specialist centre of excellence, lucky that his tumour was operable, lucky that they could remove 95% of it and lucky that the rest was killed off by the radiotherapy and didn't come back. I think that is all it really comes down to - the type, position and aggressiveness of the cancer itself and the skills of the doctors to treat it. Surviving should never be thought of as a matter of being brave, strong or a fighter. It's just circumstance. Or happenstance as my DB calls it.

Richlinn · 05/12/2011 20:21

My problem is with the tv adverts -
A close family member recently lost his battle with cancer aged 20. We are all sick of the cancer research adverts. The pressure whole families come under at this time is immense and no-one want to be reminded by a bloody advert when trying to switch off whilst watching TV. There are reminders everywhere and personally, it's all just too much to cope with when dealing with the effects of a family member's cancer diagnosis day to day.

Personally, if I had cancer, those adverts would be the last thing I wanted to see. I know CR is trying to do a good thing but sometimes it would be better if they could take a step back.

LadyBeagleBaublesAndBells · 05/12/2011 20:21

Oh my darling Mrs Devere.
You seem to be having such a hard time at the moment. You are bearing the unbearable.
I've seen Billie's pictures, she looks so much like one of my nieces.
She still has her brothers though, I know nothing, but I bet she's looking out for them.

ScarlettIsWalking · 05/12/2011 20:22

I totally agree. It has always baffled me and made me extremely uncomfortable to use the words, "fighter" and "battle" and "strong" in the context of this dreadful illness. When one is ill one is ill and it's awful let's not pretend the bravest get through to make ourselves feel more worthy for being healthy.

My deepest sympathies and utmost respect to all that have suffered or lost someone from this.

Meglet · 05/12/2011 20:24

A few days after my dad was told he had cancer he was sitting on my sofa scoffing a blueberry muffin and pondering whether that counted as 'battling' cancer.

DaisyDaresYOU · 05/12/2011 20:26

I found out my brothers could be to do with genetics.It's fucking awful as I have a boy aswell.People don't fight cancer it's ridiculous.Do people fight heart attacks etc NO.Like some else said it's the luck of the draw.My brothers chemo was killing him,it was not going to make him better.

daveywarbeck · 05/12/2011 20:30

I haven't seen this ad campaign, but I have long loathed the tabloidesque "cancer = battle" association (similar to the way you can never just have a fire in a red top, it has to be a "blaze"). The implied suggestion that people who die of cancer simply didn't try hard enough is breath takingly offensive and I am very surprised at CRUK perpetuating this stereotype.

Not impressed.

wasabipeanut · 05/12/2011 20:34

YANBU. I agree whole heartedly with the views here. Positive thinking has become so all prevailing that many people seem utterly unable to hear that somebody is having a pretty shitty time actually. My father has stage 4 lung cancer which has now spread to his bones. We don't know how it will respond to chemo yet as he's just about to start his second round but we do know it isn't curable. It's all about management now.

The truth about cancer is so grim that I think people just wouldn't listen to it. Perhaps fundraising would suffer as a result. I don't know.

I'm so very sorry to read the stories here of other lives lost to this bastard disease.

FairPhyllis · 05/12/2011 20:34

YANBU

My grandmother is dying from oesophageal cancer. She can barely eat. We have spent the last 9 months frantically trying to think of ways to coax the most amount of calories into her. Her oesophagus is burned from radiotherapy. The chemotherapy has taken away her fitness to the point she can no longer lift herself out of a chair. She is fucking miserable and I don't blame her. What on earth could a positive attitude, or more "fight", have done?

If you or someone you love survives cancer, that's brilliant. I'm so glad that some people at least escape this misery. But don't pretend it was anything other than the luck of having a treatable disease.