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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think this friend is being a bitch?

47 replies

KittyAnne · 04/12/2011 21:18

To cut a long story short, I am the product of a single parent family and now expecting DC1, I'm not married to my DP (but settled enough and could well end up married down the line). A friend of mine, who lives (unmarried) with her DP told me today that she would only consider having a baby if she was married as to have a baby "out of wedlock isn't right", and that they are 'very traditional'. (Note: I repeat, they already live "in sin").

I think she's a mean, insensitive person for saying this when she clearly doesn't hold said values otherwise she wouldn't live with the dude now would she. (And she's shagged half the town so it's not like she's all virtuous!)

AIBU?

OP posts:
cookcleanerchaufferetc · 04/12/2011 21:20

Sounds bitchy but is there another side to the story? Is she trying to get pregnant and is not having any luck so she is jealous?

Congrats by the way!

fatlazymummy · 04/12/2011 21:21

Yes you are. She said she would only have a baby if she was married, that's up to her isn't it?
I lived with my ex [my children's Dad] before I was married, for various reasons I insisted on getting married before I became pregnant. My decision, just as your's was your decision.

Graciescotland · 04/12/2011 21:23

I suppose it depends on how she said it. I wanted to get married before having a baby but I "lived in sin" with DH before he was DH Grin

Original poster
KittyAnne · 04/12/2011 21:24

thanks cooks :)
Not that I'm aware of. She's tried to steal a few boyfriends over the years which never bothered me, hey ho. But I feel as if she's slagging off my unborn child and it makes me get the red mist Xmas Angry

OP posts:
AnotherMincepie · 04/12/2011 21:24

YANBU. She's a hypocrite. If she's so concerned about sin why don't you quote some Bible verses to her about casting the first stone?

slavetofilofax · 04/12/2011 21:25

It might not be right for her, but she was being a bitch to say that to you.

Maybe she wants the whole marriage and baby thing and she's jealous that you are happy with your pregnancy while she has had enough of waiting for her man to pop the question.

I'm wondering why you are so bothered about her comment though. Is there a part of you that would have preferred to have been married first.

MissPentChristmasBudget · 04/12/2011 21:26

Hmm, I think there's a fine line between her saying "I wouldn't have a baby out of wedlock" and "having a baby out of wedlock isn't right". They're both her opinion, technically, but the latter suggests she disapproves of others who have children when not married. I'm not sure I'd call her a bitch, maybe just a bit insensitive with her wording.

fatlazymummy · 04/12/2011 21:26

Where is she slagging off your unborn child? And by the way 'values' don't come in one neat package. People feel differently about different situations.

PelvicFloorOfHighTensileTinsel · 04/12/2011 21:27

I think it'd be fair to say she'd only have a baby if she was married, but saying having a baby out of wedlock is wrong as a categorical statement is bitchy. It might be wrong for her but doesn't mean it is for anyone else.

Original poster
KittyAnne · 04/12/2011 21:27

well fatlazy, she has expressed differing views in the past, including sperm donation and 'shagging a random' in order to have a baby if she didn't have a man by 35.

I think I am not BU for being pissed off because expressing your views is fine except when it is to the direct detriment of someone else's.

Especially when these views are bullshit.

OP posts:
SuePurblybiltbyElves · 04/12/2011 21:28

She's a caah. Do people really still say 'wedlock'?

blackoutthexmaslights · 04/12/2011 21:29

i'm from a single parent family and i always said that i would never have a baby out of wedlock, really couldn't give a shit about when other people decided when to have children, but thanks to a pill failure i'm now 'living in sin' Grin

so i would said yabu

Kitchentiles · 04/12/2011 21:31

She's jealous of your pregnancy and therefore over-justifying her own position.

Original poster
KittyAnne · 04/12/2011 21:36

She wouldn't be jealous if she saw the size of my fucking ankles.

OP posts:
PlumpDogPillionaire · 04/12/2011 21:38

Grin at ankles - but not in a bitchy way!
I think it sounds like she's insecure about her own relationship and so projecting that at you. Still out of order and very, very ignorant. And stupid. Actually, I think you might as well pity her for her stupidity. And let her know you do.

usualsuspect · 04/12/2011 21:40

Some people just like to sound all important and moral

Ignore her

Get0rf · 04/12/2011 21:41

Out of wedlock?

Is your friend Ena Sharples?

Original poster
KittyAnne · 04/12/2011 21:42

I thought it was the 1940s again. I didn't honestly expect to have people express the same prejudice my own mum had to endure over 30 years ago. I'm not sure why she should be so insecure though, since her DP would crawl over hot coals just to bring her a cup of tea.

OP posts:
troisgarcons · 04/12/2011 21:44

I got slated for thios before - but no way on Gods green earth would I have allowed myself to get pregnant without being married.

Her choice, same as it was mine.

Original poster
KittyAnne · 04/12/2011 21:45

Good for you trois, but what would you do if he left you?

OP posts:
MenopausalHaze · 04/12/2011 21:48

And this person is a friend you say? Doesn't sound like you much care for each other really - why do you bother?

Original poster
KittyAnne · 04/12/2011 21:50

Friends since junior school. If I met her now I'd fucking hate her.

OP posts:
troisgarcons · 04/12/2011 21:51

Good for you trois, but what would you do if he left you?

He wouldnt. Well he will, I've posted before, he has a serious heart condition, he'll leave me on this earth. But we married till death do us part. And we do the in sickness and in health all the time.

planetpotty · 04/12/2011 21:59

She is definitely Envy and said it to make herself feel better (that you beat her to a babyHmm) rather than make you feel bad.

If you value her friendship shrug it off and put it down to her weakness and insecurities rather than it being anything aimed at hurting your feelings. There will probably be a few more things said if you can say something do it calmly like "oh that's interesting so what do you think of me and (pat tummy here) then??" she will backpeddle for sure Smile

Serenitysutton · 04/12/2011 22:03

I agree with kitchentiles, she sounds bitter. Feel sorry for her, she's a very unhappy person behind closed