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Original poster

How to "ask" for money at a Christening

80 replies

ConnorCamden · 04/12/2011 19:46

My best friend had twins in July. She has a large family and the twins were the first babies born on both sides of the family in 10+ years. They were spoilt rotten at birth, been bought enough clothes and toys to last them until they are at least 12 months old.

The twins are being Christened in January. As friend knows they will have loads bought for them at Christmas too, she would like to ask that instead of people buying gifts for the twins when they are Christened, to please donate money for their accounts for when they are 18. Now, friend does not like to outright ASK for things or presume that the twins will get, but it's obvious they will. How can you go about tactically asking for money instead of gifts, without it sounding like she assumes the twins will get anything at all?

OP posts:
QuintessentialyFestive · 04/12/2011 19:50

I dont think you can, not for a christening. Donating money for christenings, is usually only in the remit of family.... And she can ask that of them. Not of any body else. It is going to come across as extremely grabbing and rude.

Christening presents are usually just token presents, such as a bible, bookmark for the bible, or other keepsakes that dont cost a lot.

Whatevertheweather · 04/12/2011 19:51

I think if anyone asks outright what they should buy it would be fine to say money for their accounts. But other than that I would say graciously accept the gifts. Many people buy christening specific gifts so unlikely to duplicate Christmas/birth presents.

If she does get any duplicates she could always eBay and then put money in accounts but only if you have two of the exact same.

AriesWithBellsOn · 04/12/2011 19:51

Don a hard hat by proxy. You will be told it is tasteless, tacky, vulgar and grasping for her to even think of asking for money in any way. You must not ever refer to the fact that people customarily give gifts at weddings or christenings Wink

Other than that I have no advice. Sorry.

neolara · 04/12/2011 19:51

Sorry, but I would be thoroughly pissed off if anyone asked me for money for a christening. There would be no good way of asking.

NinkyNonker · 04/12/2011 19:53

No good way. People tend to buy symbolic gifts for Christenings as against just tat, so you can't replace that.

Mum1369 · 04/12/2011 19:53

Afraid I agree. It's just not the type of occasion where you can do that. It would seem rude unfortunately. I think you just need to take it on the chin and accept the matching money boxes in fake silver....

bibbitybobbitybloodyaxe · 04/12/2011 19:54

No, she really must not ask in any way shape or form.

If she doesn't want to be showered with all sorts of christening memorabilia she can say "please no gifts" but she absolutely cannot, really cannot, hint at cash alternatives.

AbbyAbsinthe · 04/12/2011 19:54

I wouldn't like to be asked for money as a christening gift. Not at all. I don't like being asked for money for a wedding present either - I think it's grasping and rude.

A christening seems even worse somehow - gifts are supposed to be keepsakes and such - not part of some car fund for later on. I'd be a bit offended.

scaevola · 04/12/2011 19:54

I don't think you can.

If a godparent asks, then of course they can be steered to a cash based option (the traditional one being Premium Bonds), and I assume that the parents already know how to deal with their own parents.

Aside from godparents and grandparents, Christening gifts are small (if brought at all), so I think it would look tacky to ask for cash instead. The parents can always sell any items they do not use, and feed the DTs bank balances that way.

altinkum · 04/12/2011 19:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AriesWithBellsOn · 04/12/2011 19:58

See?

DialMforMummy · 04/12/2011 19:59

Could a list do instead? More PC than money and your friend can still get them stuff for later (in John Lewis for example, you don't have to get the stuff from the list I think you can get vouchers instead, at least I think so).
I realise it still won't be cash for kids but it could be a compromise.
Or maybe giving guests a choice item from list or money for their fund.

cantspel · 04/12/2011 19:59

She should resign herself to receiving half a dozen childrens bibles, the odd silver cross and a few argos money boxes.

The is no way she can tactfully request hard cash.

QuintessentialyFestive · 04/12/2011 20:02

No, a list would not do.

The twins are taking part in a religious ceremony, entering them into the big book of God. They are not getting married.

KenDoddsDadsDog · 04/12/2011 20:02

How about a charity donation if they have everything?

QuintessentialyFestive · 04/12/2011 20:03

Is your friend a bit greedy? Seeing that she is even thinking in these terms?

Is this why she is having them Christened?

See, this is exactly why Christening gifts by tradition has so little monetary value.

SantasENormaSnob · 04/12/2011 20:07

I would be very Hmm at any list or cash request for a christening.

Kitchentiles · 04/12/2011 20:09

If someone asks her what the twins would like, I suppose she could suggest money as one of several options. She should not give that as the only option and she should definitely, definitely not suggest it without being asked.

TOTU · 04/12/2011 20:10

There is no way to tactfully ask for cash or a donation or a Child Trust Fund amount, or a Premium Bond.

I had twins. I got next to no presents on the day but I wasn't bothered. The day was about having my sons christened.

Just tell her to put up with what she's given.

slavetofilofax · 04/12/2011 20:10

Erm, you just don't ask!

There is no way to do it politely, because it simply isn't polite. Your friend sounds rude and grabby.

goingtoofast · 04/12/2011 20:11

I thought CHristening gifts were supposed to be religious, bibles and candles etc.

cantpooinpeace · 04/12/2011 20:16

How about asking for mothercare vouchers?

I would like that request as it makes it easy for the buyer :)

AnotherMincepie · 04/12/2011 20:16

I don't think it's correct to request money as a gift. If people offer then fine, otherwise you suggest a real item or say a surprise would be lovely.

lazylula · 04/12/2011 20:17

I have only ever recieved one toy as a Christening gift and this was from someone not invited to the Christening (we have a strict close family and god parents only rule for Christenings). Other than that it has been keepsakes such as bibles or religious story books, money boxes or other silver gifts which are traditional Christening gifts. I do not think she could ask for money, maybe she should think about only inviting the bare minimum people, therefore cutting down on the number of presents.

LemonDifficult · 04/12/2011 20:19

Yuck, sorry. Very grim to think having your children christened is an opening for cash.